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okay, this is more cute then funny, therefore none of you will like it

A little girl was coloring a picture at the end of sunday school, when her teacher asked her what it was a picture of. The little girl responded, "It's God." The teacher told her how no one in the world knew what God looked like. The little girl replyed, "They will in a few minutes."

heheh

...I don't get the joke....

I don't think anyone around are getting it either :/

Thats quite funny.

Edit: Yoshi do you know that the other emoticon menu doesn't link to the regular page anymore? You can't click on the emotes and make them appear here... :/

Its because of the shoutbox, I'm going to get rid of the box down there, and some other changes hopefully.

Why r black ppl afraid of chainsaws?


Cause they go run nigger, nigger, nigger.

aha! i got it but i wont tell anyone about it!! muahaha thats my evil plan.

anyway i suck at making up jokes or understaning them so ive gotten pretty good at laughing in the right times even when i dont understand

theres a jamacian, a mexican, and a blond guy all standing on a bridge
the jamacian goes" if i get langosta for lunch tommorow, im gonna jump off this bridge." The Mexican goes" if o get tacos for lunch, im gonna jump off the bridge." THe blond guy goes "if i get bolony im gonna jump off this bridge." THe next day they all get the meals and they all jump. At there funeral, the jamacian and the mexican guys wife are crying but the blonds wife is laughing. The 2 girls give her a dirty look and the Blond's wife goes "Dont Look At Me, he packed his own lunch!!!"

There is a plane about to crash. There are five passengers aboard the plane, but only four parachutes...
...the first passenger is basketball supastar Cody Brian. He picks up the first parachute and says, "Yo, the world and my team need me and my skills," and jumps.
4 passengers, 3 parachutes
...the second passenger is comedy legend Jim Carrey. "The world needs me to create laughter and spread joy," says he as he grabs the second parachute.
3 passengers, 2 parachutes
...the third passenger is none other than President George "Dubya" Bush. Picking up the third parachute, he says, "I'm the smartest and most powerful man alive, so I deserve this one!" and jumps out of the plane.
2 passengers, 1 parachute
...there are two passengers left: Saddam Hussein and a little girl. Looking sadly at the little girl as he picks up the last parachute, Hussein says, "I'm sorry little girl, but I must be able to fulfill my duty as an opponent to Bush." To his surprise, the girl looks up and smiles at him
"It's okay. The President took me backpack!"

I have one just like that. Except a lot more politcal.

A college student, the pope, Bill Gates, and George W. Bush are on a place.

Bill Gates:I'm the co-founder of microsoft and all those buggy computers you have. Also I'm the richest man on the earth !

2 parachutes 3 people.

George: I'm the most powerful person on earth. I'm the prez of the united states. And I'll cut down all the trees so terroists do not have a place to hide!

1 parachute 2 people.

Pope: Go my child, I've lived many a year. I don't want to see you die.

Student: George just took my backpack..

Pope: Hmm, wanna get a drink after we land?

Student: Sure.

So they live happily ever after. Besides bush who landed on the Washington Monument .

This is a joke i found at a jokesite. I did not make thsi one up:

For soem reason i could not copy and paste. Sry for the spelling if there are any

one day a african man went to a black womens house, he knocked on te door the women answerd it, and said Come in, the african man said *me dont want to* She said come in again he said *me dont want to* again, so she pulled him in the house. She took him up stairs, and said Take of your cloths. the african man said *me dont want to*. She asked again. He said the same thing.
She ripped off his cloths and said make love to me. the african man said *Me dont want to* She then heard the front door and open and close, She said my husband. She said, Quick get in the Warbroad the african man said *Me dont want to* She tossed him into the warbroad, and the huasband came up stairs and saw his wife naked, and saw some other man close.

He then Said to his wife WTF, Yove grown hair down below!, Im ganna pull them out, As he pulls one by one out, The last one wont come out. and the husband said: *Get out you black basterd* and the african man man said: *me dont want to*

Now its v.funny if you get the joke.

The spelling would of helped me understand that. Theres no excuse since we have a spellcheck feature which no other forums really have.

The President''s Puzzle

D!ck Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

EDIT: it wouldnt let me say cheney's name right!

haha i forgot to laugh.... ne way


A guy take his wife to the doctor because he knows somthing wrong with her, but the doctor has A.D.D. When the doctor takes a few tests and then he comes back he goes "Ohhh I forgot she was positive for something, it began with an A. Umm it was either Alshimers of AIDS"
The guy goes "Well doctor wot should I do?"
The doctor answers "Well take her in to the middle of a woods in the middle of nowhere, and if she comes back, dont Fu(K her.

AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!! no.

edit: dimensia, u took that user title from me! i said that at skool!

a guy has problems with his wang and doesnt wanna have sex, but hes too embarssed to go to the doctor so he has his wife do it.
When she gets there she tells the doctor about her husbands problem. The doctor says "Oh I know the problem here" he hands her a bottle of pills. "Slip 1 of these into his coffee every morning" She take the bottle and leaves.
The next day she slips 1 into his coffee. They have sex and she luvs it. The next day she slips 2 into his coffee so they have it even better. They have sex and she luvs it. The next day she pours the rest of the bottle into his coffee.
That same day the doctor calls and there son answers. The doctors says "Hello is your father there?" The son says "No this is his son". The doctor goes "Oh hows your daddy doing lately?" The son says "Bad. Real bad" The doctor askes why. The little boy answers "Moms dead, my sister pregnate, my butt hurts, and my dads out on the poarch going 'here kitty, kitty, kitty."

??? ??? right...

3 Wishes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."




Splish Splash Through the Field

A blond was driving along a country road, listening to the radio. The D.J. was telling blonde jokes one after the other, and she got extremly pissed off and turned of the radio.
She continued down the road, and in a field she saw another blond in a canoe trying to row across the field. She stopped and got out of the car, and yelled across to the other blond, "It's Blondes like you who make everyone think I'm stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!"

ha. cant say those are dumb, can you?

A blonde is sick of all the blonde joke so she dyes her hair to look like a brunette. So after its dry she goes out in to the country to test her new powers. SHe reaches a farm and thinks O man not 1 crash to day from those stupid stop lights. so she goes up to a farmer and says "i have a propersition for u. If i can guess with out pointing and counting how many sheep u have can i keep one". The farmer says yes.
She skims the top of the herd and says "49"
The farmer says hey "ur correct go choose one out". Proudly she goes and chooses the one nearest to them
The farmer says the "I have a propersition for u"
The blonde says "shoot"
"If i can guess ur natural hair color" the farmer says "can i have my dog back"

hahaha, funny...

a blond goes to buy a tv she sees in a store but the cashier says they dont sell to blond. So she dresses like a man and goes to buy the tv, but the guy still no's shes a blond. she then dresses up like the prez of the us and the guy still no's shes blond so she goes "ok, ive had it, how do you no im blond."

THe guy say, because thats a microwave

that like another version of my joke, but its cool...

yes i am and no its not

Capitalism for Dummies

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows.
The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm.
After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.

tip to demantrix: good joke make a shorter one though, i almost fell alseep

People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize

1. Britney Spears & Eminem
Who, combined, have written more books than they''ve read.
2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw
Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.

3. America''s Oil Companies
For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don''t mix.

4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon
For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.

5. Bill Gates
For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.

6. The Editors of Maxim
For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.

7. Jared
Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one.

8. Jennifer Lopez
Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of containing her ass.

9. That 300 Pound Guy
Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights.

10. Glaxo
Who has managed to make "loose stools" a side effect of every one of the drugs it produces.

shorter.. er enuf!

Thank you, jokes.com and MAD Magazine!!!

mad magizine is cool dude. i wonder where they get that stuff