Report, edit, etc...Posted by Lyon on 2006-06-12 at 21:24:16
LOL 10/10!!!
How Many Mexicans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
So Many that mexico cant provide the required number.
How Many Mexicans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
So Many that mexico cant provide the required number.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Kow on 2006-06-12 at 21:26:10
0/10 wtf?
What do you call it when you stick your penis up a little boy's behind?
Sodomy.
What do you call it when you stick your penis up a little boy's behind?
Sodomy.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Demaris on 2006-06-12 at 21:27:54
5/10 made me chuckle a bit
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Do-0dan on 2006-06-12 at 21:38:40
5/10
How do you know living Chinese people in the U.S. aren't claustrophobic?
They all came here in crates.
How do you know living Chinese people in the U.S. aren't claustrophobic?
They all came here in crates.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wizard898 on 2006-06-12 at 21:46:33
4/10
There were three workers. A mexican, Italien, and an Asian. It was lunch time, and they opened their lunch boxes. Mexican guy opens the box: "Man, taco again? If my wife packs me taco one more time, I'm gonna kill myself." The italian man opens the box. "Man, sandwich again? If my wife packs me a sandwich one more time, I'm gonna kill myself." The asian guy: Man, sushi again? If my wife packs me sushi one more time, I'm gonna kill myself." The next day, they had the same lunches so they all ended up killing themselves. The next day at the funeral their wives are in mourning. Mexican Wife, "If only you told me you didn't like tacos!" Asian wife, "If only you told me you didnt like sushi!" The italian woman was just standing there, and says, "eh, he packs his own lunch."
There were three workers. A mexican, Italien, and an Asian. It was lunch time, and they opened their lunch boxes. Mexican guy opens the box: "Man, taco again? If my wife packs me taco one more time, I'm gonna kill myself." The italian man opens the box. "Man, sandwich again? If my wife packs me a sandwich one more time, I'm gonna kill myself." The asian guy: Man, sushi again? If my wife packs me sushi one more time, I'm gonna kill myself." The next day, they had the same lunches so they all ended up killing themselves. The next day at the funeral their wives are in mourning. Mexican Wife, "If only you told me you didn't like tacos!" Asian wife, "If only you told me you didnt like sushi!" The italian woman was just standing there, and says, "eh, he packs his own lunch."
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2006-06-12 at 22:34:03
3/10 I didn't find it very funny.
One day a bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest. They stop when they come across a magic genie that will grant each of them 3 wishes.
First, the bear says "I wish all the other bears in this forest was female!"
The rabbit says, "I wish I had a motorcycle helmet."
Bear says "Ah... I wish every other bear in the country was female!"
The rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle."
The bear then says "No... I wish every other bear in the WORLD was female!"
The rabbit says "I wish this bear was gay!" and speeds off on his motorcycle.
One day a bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest. They stop when they come across a magic genie that will grant each of them 3 wishes.
First, the bear says "I wish all the other bears in this forest was female!"
The rabbit says, "I wish I had a motorcycle helmet."
Bear says "Ah... I wish every other bear in the country was female!"
The rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle."
The bear then says "No... I wish every other bear in the WORLD was female!"
The rabbit says "I wish this bear was gay!" and speeds off on his motorcycle.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Do-0dan on 2006-06-12 at 22:38:23
12/10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Replaced joke
How does a Mexican tell directions?
"Heyway, freeway, highway, thisway"
Replaced joke
How does a Mexican tell directions?
"Heyway, freeway, highway, thisway"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by PCFredZ on 2006-06-12 at 23:58:57
QUOTE(Wilhelm @ Jun 11 2006, 05:10 PM)
A college student is doing an essay on Judaism around the world. Well, he's foun lots of information on Europe, he's found alot on North America, alot on the Arabic country, and he's found stuff on Asia, but for some reason, he just can't find anything on China. Well, there's a Chinese food resturant down the street, and he knows the owners well, and he figures he'll ask them, since they're first generation immigrants, right? Well, he goes into the resturant and says to the waiter:
"Hey, are there are any Jews in China, I mean, do you have any Chinese Jews?"
"Chinese Joos?"
"Yeah, Chinese Jews"
"I don know, ask head chef"
Waiter goes back into the kitchen, talks to the chef. So the guy is waiting and waiting and finally the waiter comes back and says "Chef say we got no have Chinese joos, we got apple joos and orange joos, no Chinese Joos."
[right][snapback]504684[/snapback][/right]
"Hey, are there are any Jews in China, I mean, do you have any Chinese Jews?"
"Chinese Joos?"
"Yeah, Chinese Jews"
"I don know, ask head chef"
Waiter goes back into the kitchen, talks to the chef. So the guy is waiting and waiting and finally the waiter comes back and says "Chef say we got no have Chinese joos, we got apple joos and orange joos, no Chinese Joos."
[right][snapback]504684[/snapback][/right]
China is IN Asia. For that you get 0/10!
QUOTE(Do-0dan @ Jun 12 2006, 09:38 PM)
5/10
How do you know living Chinese people in the U.S. aren't claustrophobic?
They all came here in crates.
[right][snapback]505516[/snapback][/right]
How do you know living Chinese people in the U.S. aren't claustrophobic?
They all came here in crates.
[right][snapback]505516[/snapback][/right]
Illegal immigration from China is old news. Move on to Mexico already.
QUOTE(Do-0dan @ Jun 12 2006, 10:38 PM)
12/10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Replaced joke
How does a Mexican tell directions?
"Heyway, freeway, highway, thisway"
[right][snapback]505550[/snapback][/right]
Replaced joke
How does a Mexican tell directions?
"Heyway, freeway, highway, thisway"
[right][snapback]505550[/snapback][/right]
Heyway/thisway? 4/10
Funny one I heard...
Why does Mexico never win in the Olympics?
Because those who can run, jump or swim are already in the U.S.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wesmic da pimp on 2006-06-13 at 00:01:27
6/10
Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the oven!
Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the oven!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wizard898 on 2006-06-13 at 00:16:27
3/10
George Bush dies and goes to hell. The devil says, "Alright, I'll let you pick a punishment. You get to replace any other person of your choice." So Bush looks in the 1st room. He sees Rosavelt digging a large pit. "I have a bad back so I dont want this one" Bush says, and walks to the next room. He sees Nixon diving under a pool, and then swimming back up, and continuously repeating. "I cant swim" Bush says and moves to the next door. There he sees Bill Clinton screwing Monica Lewinsky. "Yeah, I'll take this one!" The devil smiles and says, "Alright Monica, you're free to go."
George Bush dies and goes to hell. The devil says, "Alright, I'll let you pick a punishment. You get to replace any other person of your choice." So Bush looks in the 1st room. He sees Rosavelt digging a large pit. "I have a bad back so I dont want this one" Bush says, and walks to the next room. He sees Nixon diving under a pool, and then swimming back up, and continuously repeating. "I cant swim" Bush says and moves to the next door. There he sees Bill Clinton screwing Monica Lewinsky. "Yeah, I'll take this one!" The devil smiles and says, "Alright Monica, you're free to go."
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Lyon on 2006-06-13 at 00:19:04
7/10 Pretty Funny
WTF does WTF Mean?
WTF obviously!
WTF does WTF Mean?
WTF obviously!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wizard898 on 2006-06-13 at 00:23:35
0/10
three people die and go to heaven. God says "You can go anywhere, just dont step on the purple clouds, or bad things will happen." The next day one guy comes with an UGLY girl. I'm talkin moles on the eyelids, people. UGLY. "I stepped on the purple cloud" the guy says. The next day the 2nd guy comes with an UGLY girl too. "I stepped on a purple cloud.." The next day, the third guy comes with a HOT girl. "Whoa man howd u get such a hot girlfriend?" they ask, and the woman says "I stepped on a purple cloud T_T"
three people die and go to heaven. God says "You can go anywhere, just dont step on the purple clouds, or bad things will happen." The next day one guy comes with an UGLY girl. I'm talkin moles on the eyelids, people. UGLY. "I stepped on the purple cloud" the guy says. The next day the 2nd guy comes with an UGLY girl too. "I stepped on a purple cloud.." The next day, the third guy comes with a HOT girl. "Whoa man howd u get such a hot girlfriend?" they ask, and the woman says "I stepped on a purple cloud T_T"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wesmic da pimp on 2006-06-13 at 01:54:19
good, 7/10
Why do black people only have nightmares?
We killed the last one who had a dream.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
We killed the last one who had a dream.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mp)7-7 on 2006-06-13 at 05:07:28
6/10 just mean!
How do you break a blondes nose?
Stick a dildo under a glass table!
How do you break a blondes nose?
Stick a dildo under a glass table!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wizard898 on 2006-06-13 at 07:48:39
5/10
A man and a woman just had secks. The man went into the bathroom and took off his condom. He was trying to throw it in the garbage can, but misses and it goes out the window. He hurries outside and finds a little boy holding it. "Can I have that back?" the man asks. "No, its MY candy!" The boy says. "I'll give you a quarter for that candy" the man says, and the boy agrees. The boy returns to is mom and shows her his shiny new quarter and tells her he got it from a man for trading a candy he found. "Don't talk to strangers, just eat the candy yourself."the mom says, and the boy replies, "Dont worry, mom, I ate the white cream inside before i gave it to him
A man and a woman just had secks. The man went into the bathroom and took off his condom. He was trying to throw it in the garbage can, but misses and it goes out the window. He hurries outside and finds a little boy holding it. "Can I have that back?" the man asks. "No, its MY candy!" The boy says. "I'll give you a quarter for that candy" the man says, and the boy agrees. The boy returns to is mom and shows her his shiny new quarter and tells her he got it from a man for trading a candy he found. "Don't talk to strangers, just eat the candy yourself."the mom says, and the boy replies, "Dont worry, mom, I ate the white cream inside before i gave it to him
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Killer_Kow(MM) on 2006-06-13 at 19:00:08
6/10
Here's a classic, one of my favourites:
One day, Bob was sitting in his class. His friend Jimmy said, "I dare you to raise your hand and say, 'Purple Circles' to the teacher!" Not seeing anything wrong with this, Bob raised his hand.
"Yes, Bob?"
"Purple Circles!"
The teacher immediately hit him with the meter stick and sent him to the office. Bob, confused stumbled in, only to meet a puzzled principal sipping a steaming coffee and working on his laptop.
"Now, Bob, you're usually such a nice kid. What did you do wrong?"
Bob could only reply, "I said purple circles."
Astounded, the principal splashed the extremely hot coffee all over Bob, then smashed his expensive laptop over Bob's head.
"YOUNG MAN, GO HOME! YOU'RE EXPELLED!"
Bob went home, confused and crying. He opened the door to his house to find his mother.
"Why are you home so early?" inquired his mother.
"I said purple circles."
His mother than slapped him and sent him to his room to wait for his father. Later that day, Bob's father returned from work.
"So, your mother tells me you got in trouble at school today. What did you do?" Bob's father had always been an easy-going type.
"I said purple circles."
His father took Bob by his ankles and threw him across the room. He yelled to a crying Bob, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! IF YOU COME BACK I'LL PUT A BULLET THROUGH YOUR HEAD!"
That night, a police officer saw Bob on the street.
"What are you doing out here so late?"
"I said purple circles."
The police officer proceeded to pistol-whip Bob and took him to jail.
When Bob had his hearing, the judge seemed put aback by the presence of a child with such a serious accusation.
"Did you ACTUALLY say those two god forsaken words?"
"Yes, judge."
The judge, filled with rage, threw his gavel at Bob and sentanced him to twenty years at a maximum security prison to share a cell with a child-beater.
When he arrived, his cellmate asked why a kid was there.
Again, Bob repeated the line, "I said purple circles."
His cellmate beat him to a pulp.
20 YEARS LATER
Bob was finally out of jail, and he saw someone across the street. He thought he recognized him- YES! It was Jimmy! Finally, Bob could ask him what purple circles meant, and why he had been put through such pain! Bob started to cross the road and was hit by a truck.
The moral of this story is to look both ways before you cross the street.
PS: Sorry its so long...
Here's a classic, one of my favourites:
One day, Bob was sitting in his class. His friend Jimmy said, "I dare you to raise your hand and say, 'Purple Circles' to the teacher!" Not seeing anything wrong with this, Bob raised his hand.
"Yes, Bob?"
"Purple Circles!"
The teacher immediately hit him with the meter stick and sent him to the office. Bob, confused stumbled in, only to meet a puzzled principal sipping a steaming coffee and working on his laptop.
"Now, Bob, you're usually such a nice kid. What did you do wrong?"
Bob could only reply, "I said purple circles."
Astounded, the principal splashed the extremely hot coffee all over Bob, then smashed his expensive laptop over Bob's head.
"YOUNG MAN, GO HOME! YOU'RE EXPELLED!"
Bob went home, confused and crying. He opened the door to his house to find his mother.
"Why are you home so early?" inquired his mother.
"I said purple circles."
His mother than slapped him and sent him to his room to wait for his father. Later that day, Bob's father returned from work.
"So, your mother tells me you got in trouble at school today. What did you do?" Bob's father had always been an easy-going type.
"I said purple circles."
His father took Bob by his ankles and threw him across the room. He yelled to a crying Bob, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! IF YOU COME BACK I'LL PUT A BULLET THROUGH YOUR HEAD!"
That night, a police officer saw Bob on the street.
"What are you doing out here so late?"
"I said purple circles."
The police officer proceeded to pistol-whip Bob and took him to jail.
When Bob had his hearing, the judge seemed put aback by the presence of a child with such a serious accusation.
"Did you ACTUALLY say those two god forsaken words?"
"Yes, judge."
The judge, filled with rage, threw his gavel at Bob and sentanced him to twenty years at a maximum security prison to share a cell with a child-beater.
When he arrived, his cellmate asked why a kid was there.
Again, Bob repeated the line, "I said purple circles."
His cellmate beat him to a pulp.
20 YEARS LATER
Bob was finally out of jail, and he saw someone across the street. He thought he recognized him- YES! It was Jimmy! Finally, Bob could ask him what purple circles meant, and why he had been put through such pain! Bob started to cross the road and was hit by a truck.
The moral of this story is to look both ways before you cross the street.
PS: Sorry its so long...
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mp)7-7 on 2006-06-13 at 19:14:06
5/10
3 guys walked into a bar
one said ouch as the others ducked
haha. old one that really sucks!
3 guys walked into a bar
one said ouch as the others ducked
haha. old one that really sucks!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by wizard898 on 2006-06-13 at 20:06:23
1/10
A boy walks into a bus. He tries to start a conversation with the busdriver. "If my mom is a mama elephant, and my dad is a daddy elephant, then I'd be a baby elephant!"
"Thats Great kid." said the bus driver and continued to drive. :If my mom was a mama duck, and my daddy was a papa duck, then I'd be a baby duck!" The kid continued. "That's great." the bus driver said, annoyed. The boy said again, "If my mama was a mama dog and my dad was a papa dog, then id be a baby dog~"
The bus driver, annoyed, says, "What would you be if your mother was a prostitute and your dad was a child molester?" The boy smiles and says,
"Then I'd be a bus driver!"
A boy walks into a bus. He tries to start a conversation with the busdriver. "If my mom is a mama elephant, and my dad is a daddy elephant, then I'd be a baby elephant!"
"Thats Great kid." said the bus driver and continued to drive. :If my mom was a mama duck, and my daddy was a papa duck, then I'd be a baby duck!" The kid continued. "That's great." the bus driver said, annoyed. The boy said again, "If my mama was a mama dog and my dad was a papa dog, then id be a baby dog~"
The bus driver, annoyed, says, "What would you be if your mother was a prostitute and your dad was a child molester?" The boy smiles and says,
"Then I'd be a bus driver!"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mp)7-7 on 2006-06-13 at 20:23:28
Haha, 8/10 go kid!
I dont have one sorry I just wanted to say that that was kool!
But I have like a million in one post so this shouldnt be a problem!
I dont have one sorry I just wanted to say that that was kool!
But I have like a million in one post so this shouldnt be a problem!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Killer_Kow(MM) on 2006-06-13 at 20:40:02
-63896789/10
What did the robot say to the centipede?
STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!!
(If the next person understands this, finish it for me
)
What did the robot say to the centipede?
STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!!
(If the next person understands this, finish it for me
)Report, edit, etc...Posted by wizard898 on 2006-06-13 at 20:46:56
0/10 what...?
A girl that always wears a skirt was walking down the street. A couple guys were waiting near a tree. "Can you help us? My shirt is up the tree." The girl agrees and climbs the tree and get the shirt down. The next day, the same thing happens. The girl tells her mother what she was doing. "Dont do that! They're trying to look at your panties." The next day the girl returns home. "What happened?" the mom asks. The girl, quite proud of herself, exclaims, "Dont worry mom, this time I didn't wear panties."
A girl that always wears a skirt was walking down the street. A couple guys were waiting near a tree. "Can you help us? My shirt is up the tree." The girl agrees and climbs the tree and get the shirt down. The next day, the same thing happens. The girl tells her mother what she was doing. "Dont do that! They're trying to look at your panties." The next day the girl returns home. "What happened?" the mom asks. The girl, quite proud of herself, exclaims, "Dont worry mom, this time I didn't wear panties."
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mp)7-7 on 2006-06-14 at 15:01:59
2/10
I dont think that I was rated right on this one!
Buck 75
There were these two virgins who wanted their first time perfect. The man went to a sex expert and asked how to make it wonderful. The man said to put a quarter on his right hip, a quarter on his butt, a quarter on his left hip, and a dollar on his dick. Later that night the couple was in bed and they started. Quarter, quarter, quarter, dollar. Quarter, quarter, quarter, dollar. Faster she said. Quarter-quarter-quarter-dollar, Quarter-quarter-quarter-dollar. FASTER! QuarterQuarterQuarterDollar, QuarterQuarterQuarterDollar. FASTER!! freak it, Buck Seventy-Five, Buck Seventy-Five.
Rich and Poor Guys in a Bar
There was a rich guy and a poor guy sitting at a bar, they both were celebrating their 10 year anniversary with their wives. The rich man said, “I bought my wife a Diamond Ring and a Jaguar XJ220. That way if she doesn’t like the ring, she can drive the Jaguar to bring it back.” The poor man says, “I got my wife a pair of Slippers and a Dildo. That way, if she doesn’t like the slipper, she can go freak herself!”
Man with Tennis Elbow
There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must be a fraud.
So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine, his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your daughter.'
Four College Students
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Boilermaker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Purdue!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Wildcat threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Northwestern!"
Seeing this, the Buckeye walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!!!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.
Three Men in a Bathroom
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at the urinals.
The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves. He says to the others, “In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.”
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean. He says, “At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.”
The third man zips up and heads straight to the door.
The Aussie says over his shoulder, “In Australia, we learn not to piss on our hands.”
Three Nuns
Three nuns were taking a walk one day.
''I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some pornography magazines," said the first nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the second.
"I threw them away."
"I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some condoms," said the second nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the first.
"I punched holes in them." The third nun fainted.
Please rate again, one by one too, like say the name (in red) then what the rating is you think it should be!
I dont think that I was rated right on this one!
Buck 75
There were these two virgins who wanted their first time perfect. The man went to a sex expert and asked how to make it wonderful. The man said to put a quarter on his right hip, a quarter on his butt, a quarter on his left hip, and a dollar on his dick. Later that night the couple was in bed and they started. Quarter, quarter, quarter, dollar. Quarter, quarter, quarter, dollar. Faster she said. Quarter-quarter-quarter-dollar, Quarter-quarter-quarter-dollar. FASTER! QuarterQuarterQuarterDollar, QuarterQuarterQuarterDollar. FASTER!! freak it, Buck Seventy-Five, Buck Seventy-Five.
Rich and Poor Guys in a Bar
There was a rich guy and a poor guy sitting at a bar, they both were celebrating their 10 year anniversary with their wives. The rich man said, “I bought my wife a Diamond Ring and a Jaguar XJ220. That way if she doesn’t like the ring, she can drive the Jaguar to bring it back.” The poor man says, “I got my wife a pair of Slippers and a Dildo. That way, if she doesn’t like the slipper, she can go freak herself!”
Man with Tennis Elbow
There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must be a fraud.
So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine, his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your daughter.'
Four College Students
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Boilermaker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Purdue!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Wildcat threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Northwestern!"
Seeing this, the Buckeye walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!!!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.
Three Men in a Bathroom
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at the urinals.
The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves. He says to the others, “In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.”
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean. He says, “At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.”
The third man zips up and heads straight to the door.
The Aussie says over his shoulder, “In Australia, we learn not to piss on our hands.”
Three Nuns
Three nuns were taking a walk one day.
''I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some pornography magazines," said the first nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the second.
"I threw them away."
"I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some condoms," said the second nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the first.
"I punched holes in them." The third nun fainted.
Please rate again, one by one too, like say the name (in red) then what the rating is you think it should be!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Killer_Kow(MM) on 2006-06-14 at 15:10:07
That was pointless... I don't want to read your jokes twice.
Rating: N/A
A pregnant woman went to the hospital to have a baby. When it came out, the parents were shocked to see that it was merely a head! All the same, they loved the baby and raised it like a normal child. Upon turning 19, the head's father took him to a bar (They lived in Canada). The head took a drink, and POP he had a torso. Amazed, the father gave him a second drink. He grew arms. The people in the bar were applauding, but the bartender stood back shaking his head. The father gave the child one more drink, and poof! Legs! The drunk 19-year-old walked out of the bar to all the people cheering, but the bartender stayed there shaking his head. As the child went onto the street, he was hit by a car and instantly died.
The bartender said, "He should have quit while he was ahead."
Rating: N/A
A pregnant woman went to the hospital to have a baby. When it came out, the parents were shocked to see that it was merely a head! All the same, they loved the baby and raised it like a normal child. Upon turning 19, the head's father took him to a bar (They lived in Canada). The head took a drink, and POP he had a torso. Amazed, the father gave him a second drink. He grew arms. The people in the bar were applauding, but the bartender stood back shaking his head. The father gave the child one more drink, and poof! Legs! The drunk 19-year-old walked out of the bar to all the people cheering, but the bartender stayed there shaking his head. As the child went onto the street, he was hit by a car and instantly died.
The bartender said, "He should have quit while he was ahead."
Report, edit, etc...Posted by PCFredZ on 2006-06-14 at 17:15:54
QUOTE(7-7 @ Jun 14 2006, 03:01 PM)
2/10
I dont think that I was rated right on this one!
Buck 75
3/10 I only KINDA understood the ending, the money on his hips etc. was kinda cryptic
Rich and Poor Guys in a Bar
4/10
Man with Tennis Elbow
4/10
Four College Students
6/10 maybe it'd be higher if I knew the colleges
Three Men in a Bathroom
6/10 it would almost be witty but then again you should wash your hands regardless
Three Nuns
8/10 the last sentence should be on the next line or paragraph
[right][snapback]506540[/snapback][/right]
I dont think that I was rated right on this one!
Buck 75
3/10 I only KINDA understood the ending, the money on his hips etc. was kinda cryptic
Rich and Poor Guys in a Bar
4/10
Man with Tennis Elbow
4/10
Four College Students
6/10 maybe it'd be higher if I knew the colleges
Three Men in a Bathroom
6/10 it would almost be witty but then again you should wash your hands regardless
Three Nuns
8/10 the last sentence should be on the next line or paragraph
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QUOTE(Killer_Kow(MM) @ Jun 14 2006, 03:09 PM)
That was pointless... I don't want to read your jokes twice.
Rating: N/A
A pregnant woman went to the hospital to have a baby. When it came out, the parents were shocked to see that it was merely a head! All the same, they loved the baby and raised it like a normal child. Upon turning 19, the head's father took him to a bar (They lived in Canada). The head took a drink, and POP he had a torso. Amazed, the father gave him a second drink. He grew arms. The people in the bar were applauding, but the bartender stood back shaking his head. The father gave the child one more drink, and poof! Legs! The drunk 19-year-old walked out of the bar to all the people cheering, but the bartender stayed there shaking his head. As the child went onto the street, he was hit by a car and instantly died.
The bartender said, "He should have quit while he was ahead."
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Rating: N/A
A pregnant woman went to the hospital to have a baby. When it came out, the parents were shocked to see that it was merely a head! All the same, they loved the baby and raised it like a normal child. Upon turning 19, the head's father took him to a bar (They lived in Canada). The head took a drink, and POP he had a torso. Amazed, the father gave him a second drink. He grew arms. The people in the bar were applauding, but the bartender stood back shaking his head. The father gave the child one more drink, and poof! Legs! The drunk 19-year-old walked out of the bar to all the people cheering, but the bartender stayed there shaking his head. As the child went onto the street, he was hit by a car and instantly died.
The bartender said, "He should have quit while he was ahead."
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7/10 yay for puns
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oblivius on 2006-06-14 at 19:30:19
A funny one:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!