Staredit Network

V.Putin (Russia president) got a present from Bush. It was a Very cool car, and there was a note on this car. "Open the trunk only in an open field when nobody's around". Putin listened to it, and drove his car to the field, opened the trunk, and a beautiful naked blond got out of it. Putin wanted to approach her, but she started running from him. He failed to catch her inthe end. He got angry at Bush for this joke, and decided to have revenge. On Bush's birthday, Bush also got a cool car from Putin, with the same note "Open the trunk only in an open field when nobody's around". Bush said "I'm not that stupid". He went to his home garage, closed all the windows, closed all the doors, told att the guards to leave him alone. When he opened the trunk, a naked muscully gay got out of it...

One day, a gynecologist, fed up with malpractice cases against him decided that he needed a career change. So, he decided that he was pretty good with his hands, and should probably get a job that would use such. So, he paged through a phone book and saw the mechanics page, and thought that it would be a great profession to enter. So, he went to a college, and studied very hard the whole class, and took the final exam at the end. When he finally got his grade on the final back, he was astounded at the 150% grade he made on it. He went back to the professor, he asked him how it that was possible. "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but how did I get a 150 on the test?" he asked. "Well, you earned the first 50 points because you took apart the engine perfectly" he responded. "You then put the engine back together perfectly, which was worth another 50 points." he said. Then, the professor said " I gave you the last 50 points because you did all of this through the muffler."

2 guys walked into a bar (there both gay by the way) so they sat down. The bartender asked what can I get you couple. So the 1st guy said a sack of cashshews and the 2nd one said "Can i have a sack of cheese" the bartender confused gave it to him. 25 minutes later when both sacks were empty the bartender asked what did they do with there sacks. So the 1st one said "I ate mine" the other said "I used the cheese as lotion in order to remove my own nuts without hurting myself!" when the bartender asked why he did it was because the nuts here were $500 when he can get them for free. <-_-< >-_->

5 guys walked into a bar and were playing monopoly. They then had a truth or dare contest. So the 1st guy said he will take truth while the other guy said dare. The dare was to swim with an elephant while the truth was if he ever did a gay act before. So the 1st guy said "I'll tell you after I jump of a bus" and then the 2nd guy used the bus's trunk and then swam into a pond with the elephant. When they came back the 1st guy said "I shredded apart my grampas balls with my own hands" and the other guy used his own hands to create a swimming trunk.

Moral of the sotry: Elephant +Car in the water= Swimminh trunks

Ok, a man is sitting there and notices there is this other guy with a huge really big Bic liter. The man goes up to him and asks wow where did you get the big bic? The other man says I got it from my genie so the other guy asks can I make a wish too? and the other guy is like well i dont know hes really picky of who gives wishes to but he might like you so he hands him the lamp and tells him to rub it. so the other man does and the genie pops out and says you look like a good man you have 1 wish, and the man says i wish for a million bucks and the genie grants his wish. then all of a sudden a million ducks show up near the man and hes like wait i wished for a million bucks not a million ducks and the other guy says oh sorry my genie has hard hearing and the man says really and the other guy says do you really think i wished for a big bic?

7/10 but it wasnt rly a joke

Here comes a new joke that my zergling just layed.

Ok there is a married couple named Crank (husband) and Mimi (Wife).
One day Mimi told crank to go look after the garden while she looks at naked pictures of him when he was just 5-yearsold. So while crank was in the garden he used a rake to loosen the soil and plant a tree. So while he was doing that another lady came by. Meanwhile after Mimi barfed 10 times in the toilet after looking at naked pictures of crank she went outside. She then saw crank scratching the ladys back with the rake. So Mimi said "What are you doing" and crank said "scratching a perverts back" so then Mimi got so angry that she will never forgive him and is now watching crank to make sure he is doing the garden agian. While crank went to get another rake he said "man I rather stay with this rake then with any other girl" so then Mimi said in a Feminine voice "Why do guys like HOES so much"

Moral of the story: Hoes are a device used in gardening and an immoral pleasure seaker!

7/10^


if your offended by reading dirty jokes skip this one.



One day their was a fly. He wanted to cross the pond but their was a mist above it.

So the fly says to it's self if i drop 6 inchs i can make it to the other side. So the fly drops down 6 inches.
A frog looks at the fly and says that fly sure does look like a yummy breakfest. so the frog eats him.
Fish looks at frog eats frog.
Bear looks at fish eats fish.
Hunter comes up be hind bear and says that would be a nice trouphy on my wall. So the hunter shoots the bear.
Mouse comes up behind hunter and eats the cheese from the hunters sandwich.
Cat comes up to mouse and says that mouse sure does look yummy.

So as the cat jumps at the mouse but misses. Know what the whole morale of the story is.
















When the fly drops 6 inches the pussy is always bound to get wet.

5/10

Kinda funny punchline, but the way you got to it was pretty sloppy.



Warning: Racist content:


How was break-dancing invented?

A african trying to steal hub caps off of a moving car.

9/10



Yuck: Whats the best part of freaking a 13 year old girl?







You can slick her hair back and pretend shes 10

2/10
your mommas so ugly she makes marines burrow

(Note: funnier with Yiddish and Irish accents)

A rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a Protestant preacher are walking through a jungle. Suddenly a group of huge tribal hunters burst out at them, tie them up, and take them to their chief. The chief tells them "Alright, you've got two choices. Death or the Aristocrats."

Well, the preacher says "I've got alot to live for, so I figure if the only alternative is death, I'll take the Aristocrats."

So, they walk him out to the edge of the village, and out of the trees come these three massive tribal men who rip off all his clothes and violently rape every orfice of his body, and it's disgusting, a mixture of semen and blood is running all over his body, and his holes are stretched and torn. He's lieing there, barely alive, but alive.

The chief goes to the rabbi, and tells him to decide.

"Well, ey, it's better then death"

So, they walk him to the edge of the village, same thing, the three men brutally rape the rabbi and then he's down next to the preacher, still alive.

Finally, the chief goes to the priest, and tells him it's his turn to decide.

"Well, that was mighty horrific, I think I'd rather take death."

The chief responds "Alright, you've chosen death... but first, the Aristocrats!"

lol 10/10
i dont have a joke but that was funny

OMG NO JOKE 100/10

What do you get when you cross an Owl...with a Bungie Cord?







My Ass.

MWHAHAHAA

0/10 It was that bad

One day there were 3 kids. There names were shut up,crap and manors. So then when they walked up a hill crap fell down. Manors went to go get him while shut up went to the police station. When he got there the policeman asked.

"Whats your name"
"Shut up"
"Pardon"
"Its shut up"
"One more time what is please"
"I'm trying to tell you its shut up"

The policeman got so angry he said.
"WERES YOUR MANORS"
shut up said
"Down the hill picking up crap"

6/10

In a class of Philosophy and Ethics, the teacher says:

- Well, children, we've all got weaknesses, you know? Pride is the consequence of not recognising them. So, let's all explain our own weaknesses, it's a good method to avoid feeling superior to others! Could you start, Mark?
- Well... I'm allergic to plants and I fear the dark.
- Well done. Susan?
- I really get afraid when I see spiders or when a dog barks at me. Besides, I'm not very good at Math...
- Right. Joe?
- Me? I'm weak to Kryptonite.

6/10

What do flat rocks and women have in common?

You skip the flat ones.

4/10

Oh, and about your signature: you don't have to impregnate your sister-in-law unless she's childless.

Okay, a man is having horrible pains in his crotch. He goes to the doctor, the doctor checks him out tells him "I don't see anything wrong you, maybe your underwear's too tight". The man says "Nonsense, I've been wearing a 32 since high school." Well, the doctor tells him to come back in a week and tells him that if he still feels pain he'll do something about it.

Well, sure enough, the next weak, the man's still having these horrible crotch pains. This time the doctor says the only treatment he can suggest is removing the man's testicles. He gives him awhile to think it over. Well, the man comes back the next day and says "Well, if I don't, I'm going to have this unbearable pain the rest of my life. I guess I'll do it."

Well, a few weeks later, he's got the operation done, and he goes into his tailor. So, the tailor's fitting him, and he tells the tailor to get a size 32. The tailor tells him he can't wear a size 32, to which he responds "That's nonsense, I've been wearing a 32 since high school". His tailer responds "You can't wear a 32, I'm telling you right now, if you wear a 32 you're gonna have horrible pains in your crotch!"

1/10 that sucked


Racist:


What do annobolic steroids and the cops have in common?






They both make africans run like freak.

I liked wilhelm's post