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I need a second opinion all of this.
For my school's winter one act festivals, I was House Crew head, Paint Crew co-crew head and Assistant Stage Manager. I love the theater, and the people in it...although I will admit some get on my nerves at any given time.

Lately, I've been having problems with my friends. One of them got in a fight with me over who was House Crew Head, but since then that has been resolved. It was a simple misunderstanding; I was training an under classman so that he knew how to do it when we were gone.

Last night the running crew head stole a member off my crew, cause she needed one, and traded one of her crew members (that wouldn't work) for one of the house crew members that did work. That kind of ticked me off. According to the guy who was 'running' housecrew (he was being trained, afterall) she practically was begging him infront of our patrons. He said yes to avoid making a scene and to get back to work, but he had to fight her over it first. What also ticked me off was that previously she tried to recruit two members off my crew before I was sure I had enough to cover the crew all four nights. I let her have one, as long as I could keep the other. Opening night, she said she needed another member, so I gave her another one. Do you see? That is four people from my crew that she took.

She said that she couldn't find anyone to work for her. The reality is that Tech Day I was able to find her a complete crew for half of the one acts; the reason being it was only was because we split it up so that it's easily managable between two locations. The crew I had found were also actors in the other one acts. However, opening night of the one acts they could've worked at they didn't show up. I asked her where they were and she said she told them call, but she didn't get their phone number and she wasn't sure of their names.

After strike last night we had a conversation. I told her that if my crew had been any smaller (it was a minor miracle I had a six person crew last night), I couldn't spare people. I hate running a house crew on three or four people; it's too difficult in our theater. I told her that she could have found other people beyond the band (where she was getting the response 'I can't, I'm busy' from) that would've been willing to help her. She said I was taking this too far and got angry at me. I told the stage manager, and she said she'd help me with this.

But I was thinking...The Running Crewhead has been my friend, and so is the girl who I had the misunderstanding with over housecrew. Is it really worth losing my friends over the theater? I love it to death, but where should I draw the line?

It sounds like you're feeling the hazards of administration. There is a way to keep your friends close and be in the theatre program, as long as you're willing to compromise. First, determine exactly what you want from your friends - an apology, a confrontation, or whatever. Then, explain to them the situations exactly as you explained them here, but be sure to include your feelings into the conversation. Use "I feel" messages, as in, "I feel hurt because it seems like you're taking advantage of me," or "I feel pressured to help you more than I should have to." Draw the line without affecting your friendship by making clear-cut and concisive statements, like "I absolutely cannot give you any more people. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to solve this one on your own," or "I'm sorry, but I can't give you any more help." As long as you clearly explain where you're coming from, they should accept your statements and back off without getting hurt or angry. If all else fails, reduce your load of responsibility. It looks to me like you're doing a lot of administration, but wouldn't you still have fun just being part of the crew? Three adminsitrative positions is too much - you're bound to run into conflict with your people at some point. I, personally, wouldn't put myself in a position where I could step on too many toes at the same time.

This seems more like a Serious Discussion topic.

I really like being assistant stage manager though. And I really like paint crew, because I love to paint. Those two don't conflict as much. House Crew I can leave behind and let my other friend deal with, but she said she may drop out of theater as well, leaving me without anyone to give to except a someone who has only been doing the job for a few months. Don't get me wrong, it's not a hard job, it just conflicts a little was asm. I mean, I guess there is no reason to do both asm and house crew since there is no way I can. Auditons for ASM for the musical are coming up, and if I get the position than I'm handing over House Crew to my friend.


I have confronted my friend more than once. When I first heard she was taking members (like a month ago) I said I can't lose any. We compromised; I let her take one and I kept the other one. On tech day, she needed another crew member (a week ago) I told her she could have one, but that was all I could give. Last night she asked for another and I said many times I have no one to spare. She said fine. I have to be back stage during the show, so I let the guy in training run house crew. I told him not to let her take anymore, because we couldn't afford it. She took one anyways, even though he reportedly tried to talk her out of it. I confronted her afterwards and she felt I was going too far. I told the stage manager. I know the Stage Manager talked to her; but I don't know what was said or what's going to happen.