Staredit Network

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Prolouge


It is said demons roam the earth...
It is also said angles protect those who cannot protect them selves...
However those that angles protect...are the ones in the most danger...
Chaos emerges deep within the core...
No one is safe....except those who know the secret...
It is said the secret...is only known by the Morzu tribe...
Death...was there only escape from madness...
The chaos of the demons within..within the core would soon be the death of us all...
While most dug into the core of the earth....
They were blinded by the true core...
They were warned...
They were always warned...
But the ignorance of humans...
Would be there greatest strength...
And there ultimate demise...




In hopes of helping the humans...
In hopes of saving them
Saving them from what?
From who?
Those who asked this question often found them selves....knowing the answer
Knowing the secret....
The secret....comes...the secret comes for a price
The price of death
Is the secret worth such a painful fate?
The secret...has ruined everybodys lives
Where does the secret truly lie....
It lies within the human heart....






But if death is there only escape from madness....
Then what is the secret....
The secret lies within the human heart...
what does this mean...
Only the morzu know what this means...
And only the morzu know...
Only the morzu know what...



*Says Marcus as he looks up...the rest of the scroll...its gone ripped...this cant be*

(Note i would like feedback on the beginning if story is good)

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I like it.

Except for the ending. But you gotta hire the guy who does that super deep voice for all those movie trailers // previews and have it be all super special.

sigh...if only i had a hundred grand or so....

Well, in my opinon, it's ok.

What I mean by that is:

You repeat yourself too much.
It flows, and then it doesn't.

I do like what you're trying to say thow. It has a good feeling. I just don't like the way you repeat yourself with those lines. What I would recommend, is purchasing a Thesaurus. They are my bestfriend. You could always go here. They really help writing. Just take an avereage word like I ate some food. That sentence sounds very bland and just kind of... childish. So, with the thesaurus, you can get words that mean the same, but sound better. : "I devoured some food!"

If you'd like some help, let me know. I love helping people with their stories.

Well i really liked it cause i was just listening to a movie preview with that voice. So i read it like that in my mind. So it was all deep and serious and I pictured scenes and drew a trailer in my mind. It was fun.




[Deep Thrilling Voice]



One Man...

In the city...


He must Fight to Survive...


*Mafia Leader*
"Listen i dunno who this guy is, but i want him and his tortillas dead."

More Of the Action!

*Boy*
"GET DOWN!!"


Double the Action!


*Boy*
" GET DOWN AGAIN!!"



Action

Romance,

Desire....





Arnold Scharzenager,


The little tortilla boy.


[/Deep Thrilling Voice]

I never said I didn't like it. I just said it could use a little polishing. I have a great vision for that aslo. That's just not the way I would've said it.

great comedian

interesting but maybe you could add some kind of a twist or unexpected event those always make to be interesting stories

I'll take a shot at helping you.

Your Poem in my eyes:



I'd like to try again and make a longer one, but your little poem thing is just too broad. You made it go way to far, keep it simple. Stick with the idea of the human heart, your angels and demons, and the power or truth or watevr. All that morzu and stuff about where to look just distracts from your purpose. You went too far into things, it looks like you were actually TRYING to make this and it didn't just come across you. You should let things just come across you, it would be much cleaner. But that's my opinion, your poem in my opinion is like a 6/10. Really not too shabby, refine it and try what I said, but you don't have to.

-Tdnfthe1

» Moved to Ideas

Sounds more like the back of a book... Like, I really couldn't imagine it as a StarCraft story, but more of a book. That IS a compliment. So yes, It's pretty good. Im just not sure if it would be possible to convert it to StarCraft...

Well, you asked if the story was good, I'd have to say yes.

It's good, but to make it look more professional you should probably get rid of lots of the '...' , they get quite repetitive and you should make it look more like a piece of poetry rather than a systematic series of information.


EDIT: By the way, you have got to see the terraining for this map. Who the hell made it??!!?!?!

this sounds like a good story, lol when i first saw it i thought it said "story of godzilla" xD