Report, edit, etc...Posted by Forsaken on 2005-10-23 at 20:44:06
[center]The Crossroads
Here we are at the crossroads, no longer on the same page
Our lives have finally unwinded and are pointing in the opposite directions
Now, we are standing back to back and begin to take steps away from eachother
This marks the first steps to our lives
And we shall never glance back or even think of the past
What the future holds for us is uncertain
But, what is known, we will be worlds apart
And we will be nothing more, than a faint memory
You'll take the left road, I'll take the right
This is where the road will seperate and we will never go back
This is the end
[/center]
Here we are at the crossroads, no longer on the same page
Our lives have finally unwinded and are pointing in the opposite directions
Now, we are standing back to back and begin to take steps away from eachother
This marks the first steps to our lives
And we shall never glance back or even think of the past
What the future holds for us is uncertain
But, what is known, we will be worlds apart
And we will be nothing more, than a faint memory
You'll take the left road, I'll take the right
This is where the road will seperate and we will never go back
This is the end
[/center]
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Deathawk on 2005-10-23 at 20:50:41
If you say so.
OH MY GOD DIS IS DA WIRST PEEC OF LITRNRTURE IF EVER HRD NEBR SSAY DIS AGNE U SHUD BE ARESDTD 4 BAD LITRUDTRE
Spell check me.
OH MY GOD DIS IS DA WIRST PEEC OF LITRNRTURE IF EVER HRD NEBR SSAY DIS AGNE U SHUD BE ARESDTD 4 BAD LITRUDTRE
Spell check me.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tmac on 2005-10-23 at 20:53:10
You try too hard. But probably better than anything I can come up with.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Forsaken on 2005-10-23 at 21:08:15
I erm... wanted serious criticsm. If you aren't going to give suggestions or anything of the like, please don't post.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Felagund on 2005-10-23 at 23:48:58
It's too repetitive.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Forsaken on 2005-10-23 at 23:50:53
Thanks Fela. At least you had a brain when you responded. I'll work on it and repost it in the morning.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Deathawk on 2005-10-24 at 17:20:02
Well I'm sorry for not having a brain.
You asked for criticizim..Not me.
You asked for criticizim..Not me.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oo.Insane.oO on 2005-11-09 at 14:24:48
This poem has some good structure and atleast it makes sense but some bad things about it are the You take the left road ill take the right is kinda like a childs song You take the high road ill take the low or something and that alot of things in the poem are left unsaid
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tdnfthe1 on 2005-11-11 at 15:21:08
QUOTE(Tmac @ Oct 23 2005, 06:53 PM)
You try too hard. But probably better than anything I can come up with.
[right][snapback]340102[/snapback][/right]
[right][snapback]340102[/snapback][/right]
Yeah I understood the poem without having to ask, but it seems like you tried too hard to make it appeal to people. Sometimes just writing like you're talking is the best way to go, it's best to write from the heart and fark what everyone else will think when they read it. Because then you get the stuff that people come to love. Well that's my feedback, good work it's the only actual piece of poetry I see in the whole forum right now.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Forsaken on 2005-11-11 at 17:49:02
Actually, this is one of my... well... It's not a very good piece of writing. Sometime I try and force things out when I write. Like this piece. I have a couple more that I will post in a little while. I think I'll make it all in this thread. Mainly because I don't want to create fifty new threads for the different pieces I have written.