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Staredit Network -> Literature & Writing -> What's right for me to be?

Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tdnfthe1 on 2005-11-22 at 23:11:14

QUOTE

The right thing to be
I should... be the man of house, fixin all the fixets and never cleanin' no dishes
I Should... know how to repair and manage a car, because that's one of those things that real men "should" do...
I Should... look at things the way you do, look at all the lies, the faulties, the things that you say to yourself, "I would never do"...
I Should... be the 1 snappin at people over a locked front door! Goin off on everyone just cuz my mind was in a mental slump...

I Should be... a man... be everything a man should be, live a life a life I hate and blame everyone else on my mistakes...
I Should be... Just like you; Strong, tough, brave, and very energetic-
To be Just like you- to be arrogant, ignorant, unhappy with myself, and never sympathetic or sincerely apologetic.

Yeah, I should be a man like you...
I Should be a man as long as the words "You Should" are as hypocritical as the words "What's right".
They're exactly the same, they both refer to what THEY want out of me, what they want me to be. I Should do what they want, what the whole world wants, it's the "right" thing to do...
The right thing to do or to be, is in the eyes of the beholder, it means whoever says it is saying it from their point of view, not THE ONLY point of view...
So as long as I "should" be what they want, as long as they say it's "right" to be what they want, and as long as I'm me, I think I'll do the right thing, as stay that same ol' J.o.e.
~Thanks for the inspiration bro, always in my heart

Thanks for reading it, no need for a comment-reading was enough.
~Tdnfthe1(If you're confused a bit, the real name's Joe)

Report, edit, etc...Posted by notnuclearrabbit on 2005-11-22 at 23:16:42

[center]Conformity's a biznatch.[/center]

Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tdnfthe1 on 2005-11-24 at 11:20:11

QUOTE(nuclearrabbit @ Nov 22 2005, 10:16 PM)

[center]Conformity's a biznatch.[/center]
[right][snapback]362176[/snapback][/right]

Yeah no shiz, I hope more people read this, it's a really common thought. Nuclear do you write any type of poetry?
(btw I'm not all that dumb... but I had to look up the word, "Conformity" haha)

~Tdnfthe1

Report, edit, etc...Posted by Chef on 2005-11-24 at 15:05:23

As far as the message of your work goes... I don't know who's ideal of a man that is, but it's certainly non-existent where I live. Which give me the feeling while reading it "Who the hell is he fighting against?". Values I have (and I like to think most of the people where I live have) are centered around health and diligence.

There's no rhyming to be found, and without audible singing (which could somehow make it worth being a poem), you might as well have made an essay or a serious discussion topic.

Sorry man, I just didn't feel it.

Report, edit, etc...Posted by notnuclearrabbit on 2005-11-24 at 23:34:40

[center]I write poetry, but most of it is too personal to share.
It doesn't have to rhyme to be a poem... It doesn't even have to be words. Art is free form.

%(^&
))#~
@*&!
$#$&

Bang.[/center]

Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tdnfthe1 on 2005-11-25 at 21:11:51

QUOTE(nuclearrabbit @ Nov 24 2005, 10:34 PM)

[center]I write poetry, but most of it is too personal to share.
It doesn't have to rhyme to be a poem... It doesn't even have to be words. Art is free form.

%(^&
))#~
@*&!
$#$&

Bang.[/center]
[right][snapback]364157[/snapback][/right]

Thanks, I didn't want to have to point that out.

You can find ways to say personal things in miscommunative ways. It's usually how it naturally comes out actually. That's the form of poetry that's really popular to people, things we relate to, or things that teach. Not information. Give it an intentional try, you'll probably do real good at disguising it.

~Tdnfthe1

Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oo.SOLAR.oO on 2005-11-26 at 04:08:49

Oh yes, the delicate details of my life captured in a poem! I write poetry often! Read this one I made in a thoughtful manner!

I saw this woman with some madass curves
I said to myself ill get that a$$ for sure
i took her in my car as a passenger
she said hey boy what you askin fer?

im askin if you would care to share a drink
and have a light chat about some carefree things
maybe we'll hug holdhands and share things or just
meet me in the bathroom and smear your pink lipstick

all over my body just like a naughty kink you hottie you better say thanks and sorry cuz i
treat you like a queen you got a nice ass but that ass is mean it aint what it seems!
you see she was relentless, she knocked me senseless, then she hit my wallet and she knocked me centless,
i talked to my friends and we came to a consensus, this girl is just trouble on the double ill end this!

Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tdnfthe1 on 2005-11-26 at 11:38:21

QUOTE(Oo.SOLAR.oO @ Nov 26 2005, 03:08 AM)

Intresting.... I see you grow up in the urban.
If you really made this intentionally, you should make a seperate thread for it and have it criticized.

If any idiot can see past your very vague comment, that would make many people feel uncomftorable. What you said is basically the real way it goes when you so say,"Meet" females. You're not saying that stuff up there, but that's what you're doing. And often that's what happens. I thought it was very real down to earth, you wrote it like you'd tell it. Very cool.
7/10, not that you can rate these things but everyone else does.

~Tdnfthe1

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