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And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... ANOTHER ONE OF MY STORIES FOR SCHOOL! You've read my SEN bedtime story (and if you haven't scroll down the subforum until you find "Crazed bedtime story"). You've read my mass pandemoneum story (if you haven't it's probably on page 2 or 3 of literature and writing). Now you get to read my scary story!!!! w00t ok here it is so far (I will add on periodically):

Earth. Far from perfect, but we’re here anyway. Have you ever wondered, if life isn’t perfect, then why doesn’t whoever is pulling the strings just take it down for maintenance? Or maybe, when will we have “Life: Version 2.0,” where all the bugs from before are fixed? If you put things into perspective, this is a lot harder of a job than it seems. When you ponder it for awhile, you’ll find that there are a lot more problems then you thought. This is the story of one of those glitches in the system. Just one of the imperfections in world that will be forgotten soon enough. This is the ordeal of Phillip McKinerlay.

Phillip was the kind of person who the world used as a security blanket. In other words, he made other people feel better about themselves. With thick glasses and shining aluminum braces over his crooked teeth, you could call him the perfect stereotype of a nerd. Short, skinny, and pale with a face packed full of red zits, he was the perfect target for bullying, snide comments, and the occasional mugging. Although he was --for other reasons-- hated, there was a quality that people liked about him: He was a great storyteller. Perhaps this is why he has so many friends on his online games. He is a much better storyteller than I, though, so we will let him take over now.

PHILLIP
After the usual day of being canned, punched, stolen from, and teased, I finally got to walk home, smelling like a six month old unwashed gym sock. I could finally return to my sanctuary; the world of online gaming. As I logged into my level 43 mage elf character, Narcificus, I noticed a message appear in the corner of the screen. I typed back, and the conversation went like this:
<v00d00> would u like 2 get bak at the 1's who anger u?
<Narcificus> Please use proper English, and who are you?
<v00d00> i could help u get what you want
<Narcificus> Would you please leave me alone?
<v00d00> me help u to win
<Narcificus> /blockusers v00d00
<User(s): v00d00 blocked>
That v00d00 guy gave me quite a scare, so I decided to do my homework... then play some more. I pretended I was a spell caster until 11:00 PM, which is when (for some strange reason) I always get tired enough to sleep. After brushing my teeth, flossing, and releasing, I dove into bed. I sort of hit the side of the bed and fell off, but that didn’t matter. I had just felt the softness of the pillow touch my face as I drifted into a deep sleep.

Next part coming soon!

Interesting and odd at the same time.

7/10

You have some gramatical errors and I got bored after reading the first paragraph.
My rating:
(1)---[5]----(10)

Next part: It must have been a dream, but it felt real. I was walking down a dark road, I felt the cold on my face, I heard my own near-silent footsteps. There was one thing that gave away reality: I had no control over my own body. I saw the sidewalk start to change into crumbling street as I moved forward, into the city slums. Suddenly, my legs stopped moving. My head swivelled right to left to right again, then my body proceeded into an alleyway. My hand knocked on a heavy metal door that I hadn’t noticed. A voice said, “Yes?”
“Snake eyes.” I said cooly, in a voice that didn’t sound like my own. The door opened silently and swiftly, and I was greeted with a dimly lit room full of black plastic briefcases. “What is it that we need today, little G? Drugs, guns, knives, car bombs, D-12 spinners, we got it all!” said a large dark man in a bandana. “I need guns. Lots of guns.” Now I was afraid. I was in a drug dealer’s lair, that was full of weaponry, and I had no control. “How you gonna pay for all dat?” he questioned. “You don’t look like you gots any money!”
“How about I pay with a life?”
“Who’s life?”
“Yours, of course.”
“You askin’ for a fight, little brotha? Well I give you one!” He pulled out a butterfly knife and flipped it open. I was running, faster than I ever could, at the man. He lashed out with the two wicked blades of the knife. I dodged, then flew at the gangster. I made a one-handed vault off his shoulder and kicked the back of his head with unimaginable force. We both landed at the same time; me on one knee, him unmoving on the floor. My hand went towards a briefcase and threw it open. “These should do nicely,” I mumbled to myself as I looked at the inventory of handguns. I picked one up, weighed it in my hands, inspected every inch. I whirled back toward the man, who breathed heavily and grunted. I couldn’t believe what was happening, and I closed my eyes to shut it all out. I felt my arm raise, I heard a loud bang. When I opened my eyes again, I was horrified. The man was lying face down in a pool of his own blood. This was nothing like the deaths in my video games. Those were fake people, fake creatures, fake blood. But this all seemed so real. Real person. Real blood. Real death. I blacked out as I saw my hand reach for a sawed-off shotgun.
* * *

pretty sexy :0 8/10

Next part:
I woke up the next morning staring at the clock. It read 6:27 AM, three minutes before I had to get out of bed. I thought of my dream-no, nightmare- as I tried to get up and stretch. Fear overwhelmed me when I realized that I couldn’t. I tried to yell out, but I couldn’t. I had no control. Frantically, I tried to look around, but my eyes wouldn’t move. I then thought of how real the dream was, and that’s when I knew, the dream was real. I panicked as my body stood up and smashed my alarm clock. I could only watch as my hands swept knives and handguns into my backpack. I grabbed my coat off the corner of my bed and watched as my hands stuffed a gun into both of the inside pockets of my coat. As I walked out the door, I heard my mother yell, “Bye, honey!” My mouth didn’t answer back.
* * *

ADDITION:
Last piece:
Bell. School. First period. The daily ritual had begun, started off by milling about until the teacher, Ms. Klaush, comes and tells us to quiet down. Ms. Klaush was our history teacher, a woman of around sixty two. About half-way through the lesson, my hand was raised. “Ms. Klaush, I have a question!”
“What is it?” she replied.
“Are you ready?”
“Ready for what?”
“Ready to die?!”
“What? I–,” she was silenced mid-sentence by a bullet to the heart. Everyone screamed, I screamed in my mind, and a devilish smirk crept across my face. “Where is the one named Jennifer Baker?” I heard myself yell in that demented voice. A boy, a football player pointed to her. “What is your name?” whatever I was asked him, as my body slowly moved toward him. “D-Dirk, s-s-sir,” he studdered.
“Well, Dirk,” I said in a cold voice just above a whisper “I might just not kill you for your help...”
“R-really?” he said in a feeble voice.
“No.” The blast echoed around the room as the shotgun fired. Warm blood splattered on my face. My hand cocked the gun and the empty bullet casing fell out the side. Tears were cascading from people’s eyes, others were crying in each others arms. I turned toward Jennifer. She was the jewel of the cheer squad, worshiped by all the jocks. Strangely, I couldn’t believe that I was in her presence. “What do you what with me, Phillip?” She asked defiantly, her eyes misting up. I tried to regain control again; I only managed to contort my face into a sort of frown. “You,” my lips said cruelly. “You humiliated me, and dumped me in front of everyone!”
“What are you– Gordon, what have you done to Phillip? And I didn’t dump you! We were never going out!”
“Yes, but you rejected me, which hurt just as much! Phillip is under my control now, and using him,” the gun raised to her face. “I plan to kill you.” I used every last bit of control I had. I focused hard as my finger slowly pulled on the trigger. I heard sirens and saw flashing lights out the corners of my eyes. This was it. The trigger was about to be pulled. I fixed my mind on moving the gun. The barrel abruptly whipped sideways; a field of pellets peppering the ground next to her. “All shall fear Lord Voodoo!” my voice yelled. I heard the door smash open, then a pain in my lower back, then I was falling through blackness.
* * *
LAWYER
“And that’s when you nabbed me,” Phillip finished. He was in a straight jacket, we were at the asylum. “I told you he was a great storyteller,” I said. “The verdict has been decided,” the judge said, “You, Phillip McKinerlay, are setenced to stay here in the asylum until you are twenty one years old.”
“But–,”
“Overruled! The verdict is final!”
“No!”
“Yes! Take him to his room.”
“NO!” he screamed as two workers dragged him out into a cell.

What have we learned from this story? Don’t play online computer games? No. Stay away from people who know voodoo? Maybe. Don’t get possessed by crazy people and kill the whole town? Yes, but that’s not the point. What I’m getting at here is that there are things like this – well, not exactly like this – are happening all the time. No matter how much you try, there will always be problems in life. Earth. If it’s not perfect, why are we here? Who knows, but I wouldn’t waste time thinking about it.

You have no concrete standpoint. At least it's more humorous.
(1)-----[6]---(10)

[center]I didn't like it.[/center]

how the hell is it humorous?! i find it sad

ROFL HAHAHHHAHAHHAHEKRLAKSJFK
*dies.

*revived.
Funny stuff
HolySin, I have finally realized you are the grammar police of the literature forum. I now recognize you as the grammar police, so help me when I type things wrong

Repetitious.
"F"

Riiiiiiiight..... You just keep thinking that this story will get an F..... And have you ever thought of something repeating for effect? What do you mean by ?

come on guys.... you are such hard critics give the poor man a good rating

I wasn't talking about the story as an F, perhaps you should read the previous post? By concrete standpoint, I mean that you asked a question, Why are we here? But you ended the story with no opinion of yours whatsoever.