Report, edit, etc...Posted by Forsaken on 2005-12-14 at 00:01:38
QUOTE
[center]You
I am sick of your touch
Sick of your Smell
Sick of this place I call hell
I hate who you are
Hate what you do
I hate nobody more than you
I despise the love I had
The love I gave
I am taking this hate to my grave
I look in your empty soul
Look into the depths of your heart
I look into your eyes, as we keep growing apart[/center]
I am sick of your touch
Sick of your Smell
Sick of this place I call hell
I hate who you are
Hate what you do
I hate nobody more than you
I despise the love I had
The love I gave
I am taking this hate to my grave
I look in your empty soul
Look into the depths of your heart
I look into your eyes, as we keep growing apart[/center]
QUOTE
[center]Hello Mr. Reaper
My time has come to an end
This hell I will not defend
I look into the sky so high
Realizing it’s time to die
I feel the reapers cold bleak breath
I embrace it unlike the rest
Don’t cry when I am gone
I know that I was wrong
Say what you will, say what you need
Call what I have done, my selfish greed
I can no longer live in this hell
I am ringing the reapers bell
Death please comfort me in your eternal sleep
I want to forever more count these sheep[/center]
My time has come to an end
This hell I will not defend
I look into the sky so high
Realizing it’s time to die
I feel the reapers cold bleak breath
I embrace it unlike the rest
Don’t cry when I am gone
I know that I was wrong
Say what you will, say what you need
Call what I have done, my selfish greed
I can no longer live in this hell
I am ringing the reapers bell
Death please comfort me in your eternal sleep
I want to forever more count these sheep[/center]
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Sie_Sayoka on 2005-12-14 at 02:32:18
nice 8/10
you had some problems with the rhythm of the poems but those were very good poems.
you had some problems with the rhythm of the poems but those were very good poems.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2005-12-14 at 03:25:58
*clap clap*
8/10 as well. The first one didn't seem to say much except repeatingly saying how much you dislike someone, just in many different ways.
8/10 as well. The first one didn't seem to say much except repeatingly saying how much you dislike someone, just in many different ways.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by notnuclearrabbit on 2005-12-17 at 23:06:49
[center]Errm... Those made me uncomfortable.
I liked it a lot.[/center]
I liked it a lot.[/center]
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Forsaken on 2005-12-17 at 23:40:57
Thanks again for the replies.
Anyone have suggestions?
@rabbit
Uncomfortable in a good or bad way?
Anyone have suggestions?
@rabbit
Uncomfortable in a good or bad way?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by notnuclearrabbit on 2005-12-18 at 00:01:16
[center]A good way, I guess. I liked it, so yeah.[/center]
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Snipe on 2005-12-24 at 00:10:19
If you ever take a creative writing class in school.. or somthing like that you will know that there is 1000's of craft involved in poerty and prose(stories,novels etc.) The art of understandnig and using these techniquies really make you gain an aspect on writing. Publishing is also a big thing.. Seeing a novel in a book store you would be like omg.. if you know what it has to go through.. people should be more appreciative of literature.. i just suck a grammer so its a baD mix.
Cool poem by the way.. but to much teenage ancst..
Cool poem by the way.. but to much teenage ancst..
Report, edit, etc...Posted by NerdyTerdy on 2005-12-27 at 22:27:27
It really does sort of just sound like a teenager. I complain like that a lot 
. It still had some good stuff so I'll go with what everyone else said 8/10. Good job.
zOMG 666th post.
. It still had some good stuff so I'll go with what everyone else said 8/10. Good job.zOMG 666th post.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Zombie on 2006-01-03 at 07:32:46
really cool m8, i like it
Report, edit, etc...Posted by HolySin on 2006-01-04 at 01:27:39
You forgot a couple verses:
QUOTE
As I lay in the water with a blade in my hand
I let my emo thoughts expand.
A couple strokes and that would be it
For suicide is what I'll commit.
I know I'm emo as hell
and that is why I bid you farewell.
I let my emo thoughts expand.
A couple strokes and that would be it
For suicide is what I'll commit.
I know I'm emo as hell
and that is why I bid you farewell.