Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2005-12-25 at 11:08:42
It's Christmas today. I did the whole Santa gig for my son. After doing so, I went out to the shed in the backyard so I could feed my dog. I open the bag of dogfood and reach for the plastic cup inside I use for scooping, and I notice a mouse is inside the cup. Now, I've probably killed a hundred mice over the last 4 or 5 years, but since it's Christmas, I thought I'd show some mercy to the little fella and let him go. So I tip the bag over so he can jump out. But he won't come out. So I bang on the bag a little, and he still won't come out. It's like he's afraid to leave the food. Every other mouse I've encountered (that was alive), was trying desperately to escape, but not this one. I jokingly say "Gluttony is one of the deadly sins, you know?", and continue trying to get him out. Since I'm determined to do a good deed today, this little struggle goes on for a good five minutes or so.
But then he's suddenly missing. I can't find him in the bag anymore. When I first noticed him, I took the bag out into the yard so I could see better. But I had not seen him leave the bag. I dig around a little bit, but still nothing. Although I'm positive he's still in there, I just decide to put the dogfood back in the shed. It's cold, after all. As I'm about to put the bag back in the shed, I notice a tiny hole in the bottom of the bag with the mouse's tail sticking out of it. So I take the bag back outside and try to tip in a direction so he can climb out, but when I finally see him, he's dead. He'd been crushed to death by the dog food. Indeed, gluttony IS deadly. So I placed him on the trampoline so the birds can have a Merry Christmas. I'd rather help the birds out anyways.
I've got some others, but this JUST happened, so I felt compelled to tell the story. Do any of you have some wacky holiday stories?
But then he's suddenly missing. I can't find him in the bag anymore. When I first noticed him, I took the bag out into the yard so I could see better. But I had not seen him leave the bag. I dig around a little bit, but still nothing. Although I'm positive he's still in there, I just decide to put the dogfood back in the shed. It's cold, after all. As I'm about to put the bag back in the shed, I notice a tiny hole in the bottom of the bag with the mouse's tail sticking out of it. So I take the bag back outside and try to tip in a direction so he can climb out, but when I finally see him, he's dead. He'd been crushed to death by the dog food. Indeed, gluttony IS deadly. So I placed him on the trampoline so the birds can have a Merry Christmas. I'd rather help the birds out anyways.
I've got some others, but this JUST happened, so I felt compelled to tell the story. Do any of you have some wacky holiday stories?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by VizuaL on 2005-12-25 at 13:19:07
i caught my parents eating the cookies at midnight on christmas night, i was 11
i was leik wtf, those are santas
i was leik wtf, those are santas
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Kow on 2005-12-26 at 00:14:18
Haha, cookies are overrated.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Dragon-slayer on 2005-12-27 at 14:28:37
nice one Doodan, one time when i was 7 I hid beneath the Christmas tree and saw a bird fly through the window... it put its "droppings" on my sisters head, hehehhhe.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by SC_Bonus on 2006-01-13 at 21:10:20
It's Christmas today. I did the whole Santa gig for MYSELF. After doing so, I went out to the WASHROOM in the FRONT YARD OF MY NEIGHBOURS HOME so I could feed my FAMILY. I open the bag of CRYSTAL METH and reach for the USED NEEDLE inside I use for SEXUAL PLEASURE, and I notice MY SON is inside the BOX. Now, I've probably killed 500 BILLION CHILDREN over the last 0.1 or 0.101 years, but since it's Christmas, I thought I'd show some mercy to the little fella and let him go, BUT HE DIDNT BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS SO I SHOT HIM INSTANTLY. So THEN I tip the bag over so he can jump out. But he won't come out, AND THEN I REMEMBERED THAT I HAD ALREADY KILLED HIM. So I bang on the bag a little, and he still won't come out. It's like he's afraid to leave the food. Every other IDIOT I've encountered (that was alive), was trying desperately to HAVE THEIR WAY WITH ME, but not this one. I jokingly say "GAY SEX is one of the deadly sins, you know?", and continue trying to ASK him out FOR A DATE. Since I'm determined to do a good deed today, I DONATED THE BAG TO CHARITY SO THEY CAN EAT IT FOR ALL I CARE.
But then he's suddenly MAGICALLY BACK TO LIFE. I can't find him in the bag anymore, BECAUSE I'M TOO STUPID TO REMEMBER THAT I BURIED IT. When I first noticed him, I took the bag out into the yard so I could see better. But I had not seen him leave the bag. I dig around a little bit, but THEN HE JUMPED OUT AND BIT ME AND GAVE ME RABIES. Although I'm positive he's still in there, I just decide to put the dogfood back in MY PANTS. It's RETARDED, after all. As I'm about to put the bag back in MY MOUTH, I notice a LARGE hole in the bottom of the bag with the CHILDREN's BABIES sticking out of it. So I take the bag back INSIDE and try to tip in a direction so he can climb out AND INTO THE OVEN SO I COULD EAT HIM, but when I finally see him, he's dead. He'd been crushed to death SO I USED HIM FOR dog food FOR MY FAMILY. Indeed, GAY SEX IS deadly. So I placed him on MY NEIGHBOURS TRAMPOLINE so the SPIRITUAL DEMONS can have a Merry Christmas, BUT THEN THEY CALLED THE POLICE AND I WAS SENT TO JAIL. I'd rather help the birds out anyways.
I've got some other DEAD CREATURES, but this JUST happened, so I felt SEXUALLY compelled to tell the story. Do any of you have some RETARDED holiday MADE-UP stories?
But then he's suddenly MAGICALLY BACK TO LIFE. I can't find him in the bag anymore, BECAUSE I'M TOO STUPID TO REMEMBER THAT I BURIED IT. When I first noticed him, I took the bag out into the yard so I could see better. But I had not seen him leave the bag. I dig around a little bit, but THEN HE JUMPED OUT AND BIT ME AND GAVE ME RABIES. Although I'm positive he's still in there, I just decide to put the dogfood back in MY PANTS. It's RETARDED, after all. As I'm about to put the bag back in MY MOUTH, I notice a LARGE hole in the bottom of the bag with the CHILDREN's BABIES sticking out of it. So I take the bag back INSIDE and try to tip in a direction so he can climb out AND INTO THE OVEN SO I COULD EAT HIM, but when I finally see him, he's dead. He'd been crushed to death SO I USED HIM FOR dog food FOR MY FAMILY. Indeed, GAY SEX IS deadly. So I placed him on MY NEIGHBOURS TRAMPOLINE so the SPIRITUAL DEMONS can have a Merry Christmas, BUT THEN THEY CALLED THE POLICE AND I WAS SENT TO JAIL. I'd rather help the birds out anyways.
I've got some other DEAD CREATURES, but this JUST happened, so I felt SEXUALLY compelled to tell the story. Do any of you have some RETARDED holiday MADE-UP stories?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Arbitrary on 2006-01-13 at 21:17:13
Christmas ad lib?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Raindodger on 2006-01-13 at 21:18:45
Dude. It's not chirstmas. And that was my son u farker.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by SC_Bonus on 2006-01-13 at 21:20:13
QUOTE(Shady.Aftermath @ Jan 13 2006, 08:18 PM)
Dude. It's not chirstmas. And that was my son u farker.
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[right][snapback]405092[/snapback][/right]
You're completely right, it is not spelled "chirstmas" And did your son really die and come back to life and die again?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by SC_Bonus on 2006-01-13 at 21:35:09
QUOTE(Passive @ Jan 13 2006, 08:29 PM)
nice one SC_Bonus, one time when i was 68 I hid beneath the skirt of my sister and saw a bird fly into my sister's mouth and she sucked on it... it put its "cum" on my sisters head, it was so hot.
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Wow! That's amazing! At least it is believable unlike Dragon-slayer's made up story about a bird pooing on everyone in his families mouths and choking to death
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Arbitrary on 2006-01-13 at 21:38:07
This thread holds an abundance of irrational tension.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by SC_Bonus on 2006-01-13 at 21:40:44
This thread holds an abundance of sexual sensation.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Passive on 2006-01-13 at 22:24:55
Yes, its making me very happy in my pants.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Voyager7456(MM) on 2006-01-13 at 22:39:40
Anyone else in favor of banning both of them? -.-
Report, edit, etc...Posted by warhammer40000 on 2006-01-13 at 22:42:43
*Raises hand
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Arbitrary on 2006-01-13 at 22:44:46
Definitely a duplicate account.
DESTROY!!!
DESTROY!!!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by SC_Bonus on 2006-01-13 at 22:48:33
QUOTE(Arbitrary @ Jan 13 2006, 09:44 PM)
Definitely a duplicate account.
DESTROY!!!
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DESTROY!!!
[right][snapback]405192[/snapback][/right]
bullsh1t
How much would you bet?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Arbitrary on 2006-01-13 at 22:50:40
Irrelevant.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2006-01-13 at 22:52:25
I thought this thread was dead. Well, it is now.
>>DEAD!
(I also vote ban for those guys)
>>DEAD!
(I also vote ban for those guys)
Report, edit, etc...Posted by DT_Battlekruser on 2006-01-14 at 02:26:49
Warned and given a short suspension. Hopefully he'll stop.