Report, edit, etc...Posted by Screwed on 2006-01-04 at 12:31:29
Lol, I actually felt wierd to share this poem I wrote with you guys. Probably I did share it because I feel a lot of you guys here are rather considerate, mature and "safe" to be around with - although I could very well be wrong 
. Actually, I had no idea why that had anything to do with this poem anyways. So here I go.
This is a poem I wrote in my diary which I found flipping through when I'm bored (Yeah, I must be REAL bored to go through my diary):
If he was there
Holding the umbrella for you
Why do you prefer to wait in the rain
If he was there
Making coffee to warm your hands
Why do you prefer to stand in the cold
If he was there
Talking and caring for you
Why do you prefer to leave him in pain
If he was there
Crying for something no one knows
Why do you ignore him until his wrinkles fold
Maybe ignorance gives you relief
Maybe forgiveness means you nothing
Maybe the rain and wind will make you sober
He is a piece of leaf
Looks like he's flying
But is actually falling
He
is me
-----------------------------------------------------
Muwahaha, now comment on my great work of art.
. Actually, I had no idea why that had anything to do with this poem anyways. So here I go.This is a poem I wrote in my diary which I found flipping through when I'm bored (Yeah, I must be REAL bored to go through my diary):
If he was there
Holding the umbrella for you
Why do you prefer to wait in the rain
If he was there
Making coffee to warm your hands
Why do you prefer to stand in the cold
If he was there
Talking and caring for you
Why do you prefer to leave him in pain
If he was there
Crying for something no one knows
Why do you ignore him until his wrinkles fold
Maybe ignorance gives you relief
Maybe forgiveness means you nothing
Maybe the rain and wind will make you sober
He is a piece of leaf
Looks like he's flying
But is actually falling
He
is me
-----------------------------------------------------
Muwahaha, now comment on my great work of art.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Merrell on 2006-01-05 at 19:37:53
Haha, just found your poem online 
http://www.oasismag.com/node/view/15252
I'm guessing your screen name is 'Uncertain' there? That's cool.
Nice work.
http://www.oasismag.com/node/view/15252I'm guessing your screen name is 'Uncertain' there? That's cool.
Nice work.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2006-01-05 at 20:41:39
Yeah, that's pretty good. I don't usually like poetry either, but I like this.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by PodFedJay on 2006-01-13 at 20:12:27
Or he stole it, 
Nah that avatar for that site looks very simliar to his anime likingness
btw, nice poem. *steals for school poetry homework
Nah that avatar for that site looks very simliar to his anime likingness
btw, nice poem. *steals for school poetry homework
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Snipe on 2006-01-14 at 23:34:12
QUOTE(Screwed @ Jan 4 2006, 11:31 AM)
Lol, I actually felt wierd to share this poem I wrote with you guys. Probably I did share it because I feel a lot of you guys here are rather considerate, mature and "safe" to be around with - although I could very well be wrong . Actually, I had no idea why that had anything to do with this poem anyways. So here I go.
This is a poem I wrote in my diary which I found flipping through when I'm bored (Yeah, I must be REAL bored to go through my diary):
If he was there
Holding the umbrella for you
Why do you prefer to wait in the rain
If he was there
Making coffee to warm your hands
Why do you prefer to stand in the cold
If he was there
Talking and caring for you
Why do you prefer to leave him in pain
If he was there
Crying for something no one knows
Why do you ignore him until his wrinkles fold
Maybe ignorance gives you relief
Maybe forgiveness means you nothing
Maybe the rain and wind will make you sober
He is a piece of leaf
Looks like he's flying
But is actually falling
He
is me
-----------------------------------------------------
Muwahaha, now comment on my great work of art.
[right][snapback]398269[/snapback][/right]
. Actually, I had no idea why that had anything to do with this poem anyways. So here I go.This is a poem I wrote in my diary which I found flipping through when I'm bored (Yeah, I must be REAL bored to go through my diary):
If he was there
Holding the umbrella for you
Why do you prefer to wait in the rain
If he was there
Making coffee to warm your hands
Why do you prefer to stand in the cold
If he was there
Talking and caring for you
Why do you prefer to leave him in pain
If he was there
Crying for something no one knows
Why do you ignore him until his wrinkles fold
Maybe ignorance gives you relief
Maybe forgiveness means you nothing
Maybe the rain and wind will make you sober
He is a piece of leaf
Looks like he's flying
But is actually falling
He
is me
-----------------------------------------------------
Muwahaha, now comment on my great work of art.
[right][snapback]398269[/snapback][/right]
Not bad.. but it sure could use a lot of editing.. When using parallel Structure for example
QUOTE
Maybe ignorance gives you relief
Maybe forgiveness means you nothing
Maybe the rain and wind will make you sober
Maybe forgiveness means you nothing
Maybe the rain and wind will make you sober
You make the 3rd one the most intense. I took a creative writing class with the smartest teacher i have known well anyways. You should try and edit it than and try new techniques.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by PodFedJay on 2006-01-16 at 01:55:42
Who cares? I got an A
Report, edit, etc...Posted by pekkel_the_duck on 2006-01-16 at 02:05:39
Nice poem Screwed. Write a happier one next! 