Report, edit, etc...Posted by MiniDude on 2006-02-22 at 23:21:31
ok here is my story i changed the name because i dont want to give out any information that i dont have too (used my and friends names) so here it is please tell me what you think of it 
i need 
please 
edit: why wont the color work? with my signature too?
Starcraft Reality
By: Bob Milligan
Chapter 1
The Creature
“Get over here Billy!” Yelled Bob. Bob had just beaten 7 computers with Zerg.
“What,” Billy questioned. By the sound of Bob’s voice, it must have been cool. So the suspense was killing him.
“I just swarmed 7 computers with 400 Zerglings! I had to kill my drones and my Hydralisk’s, along with any other unit to do it. Then I built as many Zerglings as possible.” Bob exclaimed.
“Sweet I wish I could have seen it,” Billy whined.
“I will just save the replay and then you will be able to watch it over and over again.” Bob was clicking his mouse as fast as he could because he though it was cool as well. He saved the replay and then went in to watch it.
Once in a while Billy would give an “ooo” of an “aaa”. The end was nearing and there were 3 computers left. Bob was watching his 400 zerglings swarm the next computer. Occasionally a Zergling would die but it would be replaced with another. Bob was watching his Zerglings but in the corner of the screen something caught his eye. He rewound, played, and then paused. He moved his screen so that he could get a better view and saw a very strange creature. One that was not in the game, one that he had never seen before.
“What is it,” Billy asked. He was staring at it with great interest.
“I’m gonna go and call Joe” Bob said while reaching for the phone.
*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep
*ring*ring*ring
“Hello?”
“Hello this is Bob it Joe there?” He asked.
“This is him,” Joe replied.
“You need to come over right now!!” I screamed.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Joe got there in about 5 minutes, and he said that he came as soon as he could. Bob showed him the creature and he was amazed, because like Bob and Billy he had never seen such a thing. They were trying to see if it ever moved, but after watching the replay all the way though, they saw that it never moved. It was a little hard to describe, but they decided that this was the best way to do it. “A Greenish blob that has one eye in the center and a few psonic storms around it.”
Suddenly Bob had an urge to click on it. (Which they call the creature)
“Should I click on it?” Bob asked.
“YES!” Billy and Joe Shouted in unison.
“Ok here we go,” Bob said. As he went to click on it, he froze up he couldn’t move. A few moments later he eased up and clicked on it with the left mouse button… nothing happened. To all of them it was both a relief and a disappointment.
“Maybe you should right click on it,” Billy suggested .
“What good will that do.” Joe asked.
“Joe has a point Billy,” Bob said coolly “its not like it's going to drop down buttons like on your desktop. Billy got a little angry, but then gave up and shook it off.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
That night none of them slept real well the “creature” was bugging them too much.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
The next day when the boys got home from school, they had a couple things to try with the “creature”.
1) Holding keys and left clicking on it.
2) Holding key combinations and left clicking on it.
3) Other stupid ideas.
When nothing happened all of them wondered
1. What was it?
2. Did it do anything?
3. Or was it just a glitch?
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
The next day they had a couple more crazy ideas all of witch did nothing except every time they tried something the looking back at them seemed to look angry and almost mad at them. They all just wondered and were about to give up when Billy brought up the idea to right click on the “creature” again.
“I an willing to do any thing to find out what this is and/or what it dose,” Bob stated so he grabbed the mouse to go and right click on the “creature” this time there was no freeze up they were exhausted from thinking so much and trying all of these things. He dropped his head and sighed *click* Billy and Joe gasped. Bob looked up and saw that two bars had dropped down from the mouse icon the first ad stated in green…
“Erase this replay and forget about this forever.”
The second was in a bloody red and it stated
“EnTeR tHe WoRlD”
The boys were all startled and aside from some mumbling, nothing was said.
“I-I-I think tha-that y-you should g-go” Bob stuttered in terrifying shock. It took Joe 3 minutes to tie his shoe and Billy needed help zipping up his coat. All of them were really confused and a little scared.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
That next day they had regained control of themselves, even though they were all a little spooked still. On their way home Bob, Billy, and Joe said nothing, maybe a grunt or a deep breath but nothing more than that.
They got to Bob’s house and right clicked on the “creature” just to make sure that they all weren’t having an illusion. Sorely though the same thing happened again. The two bars came up underneath the mouse and they both said the same thing as last time. Then they got into a conversation.
“What if this is like an alien plan to capture us?” Joe suggested.
“…” Bob stared at him like he was an idiot.
“Whaaat?” Joe asked, “do you have any better ideas? Huh Bob?”
“I think that we should take this more seriously” he said sternly.
“You still haven’t answered my question Bob” Joe said getting a little frustrated. “DO YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS?” Billy had been silent this whole time. “So Billy do you have any ideas you sure have been quiet lately.” Billy looked up at him with and expressionless face. In a minute he looked a little more serious.
“Well first of all, I think that we are all a little confused and a little scared. I think that is why you yelled at Bob and that is why Bob hasn’t really had an answer. I think that all of us know that this if a tough decision. There are three decisions of course…
1) Click on “Erase this replay and forget about it forever”.
2) Click on “EnTeR tHe WoRlD”.
3) Never tell anyone and forget about it.
How ever before we make or choose one, we need to think about what each one will do. If we choose one, we will probably do 3 as well. If we do 2 I don’t know what will happen, maybe like Joe said we will be abducted by aliens. Or maybe it could be the adventure of our lives. There are so many possibilities that I don’t know what to decide on. If we do three, we will do one except we wont erase the replay, and we wont know what happens if you click on it.” Billy took some deep breaths. Joe and Bob were silent. Billy started again, “Well, I don’t know what will happen or what this is, but I would vote for #1 or 3.” They were all silent for a while.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Bob broke the silence and said, “ well Billy you might vote for #1 or 3 but I am gonna have to say that I am voting for #2 so I guess that the decision is up to Joe.” Billy and Bob looked at Joe is silence. Joe finale spoke up and said, “well… um… guys why I have to make the really hard decision?”
Bob was feeling sorry for Joe gave him a pat on the back and in as good of fake sad voice as he could he said, “go ahead buddy and stick with Billy.” Bob was hoping that he would feel sorry for him and pick #2. To Bob’s surprise Joe picked #1.
Bob was really sad about Joe’s decision but what Bob didn’t know what that it was a trap and if they clicked on either one the same thing would happen.
So Bob went over grabbed the mouse and reluctantly clicked one the button that said “Erase this replay and forget about this forever.
i need please edit: why wont the color work? with my signature too?
Starcraft Reality
By: Bob Milligan
Chapter 1
The Creature
“Get over here Billy!” Yelled Bob. Bob had just beaten 7 computers with Zerg.
“What,” Billy questioned. By the sound of Bob’s voice, it must have been cool. So the suspense was killing him.
“I just swarmed 7 computers with 400 Zerglings! I had to kill my drones and my Hydralisk’s, along with any other unit to do it. Then I built as many Zerglings as possible.” Bob exclaimed.
“Sweet I wish I could have seen it,” Billy whined.
“I will just save the replay and then you will be able to watch it over and over again.” Bob was clicking his mouse as fast as he could because he though it was cool as well. He saved the replay and then went in to watch it.
Once in a while Billy would give an “ooo” of an “aaa”. The end was nearing and there were 3 computers left. Bob was watching his 400 zerglings swarm the next computer. Occasionally a Zergling would die but it would be replaced with another. Bob was watching his Zerglings but in the corner of the screen something caught his eye. He rewound, played, and then paused. He moved his screen so that he could get a better view and saw a very strange creature. One that was not in the game, one that he had never seen before.
“What is it,” Billy asked. He was staring at it with great interest.
“I’m gonna go and call Joe” Bob said while reaching for the phone.
*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep
*ring*ring*ring
“Hello?”
“Hello this is Bob it Joe there?” He asked.
“This is him,” Joe replied.
“You need to come over right now!!” I screamed.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Joe got there in about 5 minutes, and he said that he came as soon as he could. Bob showed him the creature and he was amazed, because like Bob and Billy he had never seen such a thing. They were trying to see if it ever moved, but after watching the replay all the way though, they saw that it never moved. It was a little hard to describe, but they decided that this was the best way to do it. “A Greenish blob that has one eye in the center and a few psonic storms around it.”
Suddenly Bob had an urge to click on it. (Which they call the creature)
“Should I click on it?” Bob asked.
“YES!” Billy and Joe Shouted in unison.
“Ok here we go,” Bob said. As he went to click on it, he froze up he couldn’t move. A few moments later he eased up and clicked on it with the left mouse button… nothing happened. To all of them it was both a relief and a disappointment.
“Maybe you should right click on it,” Billy suggested .
“What good will that do.” Joe asked.
“Joe has a point Billy,” Bob said coolly “its not like it's going to drop down buttons like on your desktop. Billy got a little angry, but then gave up and shook it off.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
That night none of them slept real well the “creature” was bugging them too much.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
The next day when the boys got home from school, they had a couple things to try with the “creature”.
1) Holding keys and left clicking on it.
2) Holding key combinations and left clicking on it.
3) Other stupid ideas.
When nothing happened all of them wondered
1. What was it?
2. Did it do anything?
3. Or was it just a glitch?
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
The next day they had a couple more crazy ideas all of witch did nothing except every time they tried something the looking back at them seemed to look angry and almost mad at them. They all just wondered and were about to give up when Billy brought up the idea to right click on the “creature” again.
“I an willing to do any thing to find out what this is and/or what it dose,” Bob stated so he grabbed the mouse to go and right click on the “creature” this time there was no freeze up they were exhausted from thinking so much and trying all of these things. He dropped his head and sighed *click* Billy and Joe gasped. Bob looked up and saw that two bars had dropped down from the mouse icon the first ad stated in green…
“Erase this replay and forget about this forever.”
The second was in a bloody red and it stated
“EnTeR tHe WoRlD”
The boys were all startled and aside from some mumbling, nothing was said.
“I-I-I think tha-that y-you should g-go” Bob stuttered in terrifying shock. It took Joe 3 minutes to tie his shoe and Billy needed help zipping up his coat. All of them were really confused and a little scared.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
That next day they had regained control of themselves, even though they were all a little spooked still. On their way home Bob, Billy, and Joe said nothing, maybe a grunt or a deep breath but nothing more than that.
They got to Bob’s house and right clicked on the “creature” just to make sure that they all weren’t having an illusion. Sorely though the same thing happened again. The two bars came up underneath the mouse and they both said the same thing as last time. Then they got into a conversation.
“What if this is like an alien plan to capture us?” Joe suggested.
“…” Bob stared at him like he was an idiot.
“Whaaat?” Joe asked, “do you have any better ideas? Huh Bob?”
“I think that we should take this more seriously” he said sternly.
“You still haven’t answered my question Bob” Joe said getting a little frustrated. “DO YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS?” Billy had been silent this whole time. “So Billy do you have any ideas you sure have been quiet lately.” Billy looked up at him with and expressionless face. In a minute he looked a little more serious.
“Well first of all, I think that we are all a little confused and a little scared. I think that is why you yelled at Bob and that is why Bob hasn’t really had an answer. I think that all of us know that this if a tough decision. There are three decisions of course…
1) Click on “Erase this replay and forget about it forever”.
2) Click on “EnTeR tHe WoRlD”.
3) Never tell anyone and forget about it.
How ever before we make or choose one, we need to think about what each one will do. If we choose one, we will probably do 3 as well. If we do 2 I don’t know what will happen, maybe like Joe said we will be abducted by aliens. Or maybe it could be the adventure of our lives. There are so many possibilities that I don’t know what to decide on. If we do three, we will do one except we wont erase the replay, and we wont know what happens if you click on it.” Billy took some deep breaths. Joe and Bob were silent. Billy started again, “Well, I don’t know what will happen or what this is, but I would vote for #1 or 3.” They were all silent for a while.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Bob broke the silence and said, “ well Billy you might vote for #1 or 3 but I am gonna have to say that I am voting for #2 so I guess that the decision is up to Joe.” Billy and Bob looked at Joe is silence. Joe finale spoke up and said, “well… um… guys why I have to make the really hard decision?”
Bob was feeling sorry for Joe gave him a pat on the back and in as good of fake sad voice as he could he said, “go ahead buddy and stick with Billy.” Bob was hoping that he would feel sorry for him and pick #2. To Bob’s surprise Joe picked #1.
Bob was really sad about Joe’s decision but what Bob didn’t know what that it was a trap and if they clicked on either one the same thing would happen.
So Bob went over grabbed the mouse and reluctantly clicked one the button that said “Erase this replay and forget about this forever.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Deathawk on 2006-02-22 at 23:27:46
A little strange, but eh.
I'm still a bit confused. Way to pick overused names
Sort of interesting though
I'm still a bit confused. Way to pick overused names
Sort of interesting though
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MiniDude on 2006-02-22 at 23:34:12
ok thanks do you know why my [COLOR=green]colors [COLOR=green]arent working? that was only chapter one in chapter 2 i plan to have them all get sucked into the videeo game
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Deathawk on 2006-02-23 at 00:17:52
Yeah, you need to end it with [/color]
For instance to get it to work you need.
If you need more help, there is a BB Code FAQ all about it here..
http://www.staredit.net/index.php?showtopic=9492
For instance to get it to work you need.
CODE
[color=green]sdfjsakldfa;sdfas[/color]
If you need more help, there is a BB Code FAQ all about it here..
http://www.staredit.net/index.php?showtopic=9492
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oo.Insane.oO on 2006-02-23 at 00:20:06
Uhh its an ok storyline but it is a weird storyline if u ask me. Do you plan to build off this and make it into a full story?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by n2o-SiMpSoNs on 2006-02-23 at 10:37:29
For your sig you need to do
(without the code)
CODE
[COLOR=green][SIZE=14][FONT=Geneva]MiniDude[/color][/size][/FONT]
(without the code)
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MiniDude on 2006-02-23 at 17:25:08
TY for the color help!
um ya that was only chapter one i am working with chapter 2 right now but you know how it is with school and all. so ya i plan to have at least 15 chapters so maybe check it out once in a while 
I MEAN CHECK IT OUT
um ya that was only chapter one i am working with chapter 2 right now but you know how it is with school and all. so ya i plan to have at least 15 chapters so maybe check it out once in a while
I MEAN CHECK IT OUT
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2006-02-28 at 01:15:15
A lot of places sounded like you were literally telling to story.
-- This and that happened, so then this happened and everything went heywire--
Get in the mood of what you're writing... I like to pretend that I'm there, watching it like a movie.
About the names. Don't go with Bob and Billy. Shakespeare was an ass to make so many names his stories to be so much alike, but just because we all like his work, it's not always the best strategy (though there are uses to that).
Naming characters is a hard one... We all have our own methods of naming characters, but at one point, you get somewhat of your own. Here's mine: I pick out how many sylables. Maybe 2, maybe 3. Then I decide on about 1-3 vowels, then from 1-twice as many vowels of costenants (sp), then I play word twist. You don't want to overuse certain naming processes though.
i.e.
Bailow
Kaima
Rysalia
Ryki
Get the point? The whole "ai" thing to make the sound of "i" is used often, but some tend to over use it in the same story. Too often do people substitute an "i" for a "y" too. It's fine as well, but I suggest not to overuse it.
-- This and that happened, so then this happened and everything went heywire--
Get in the mood of what you're writing... I like to pretend that I'm there, watching it like a movie.
About the names. Don't go with Bob and Billy. Shakespeare was an ass to make so many names his stories to be so much alike, but just because we all like his work, it's not always the best strategy (though there are uses to that).
Naming characters is a hard one... We all have our own methods of naming characters, but at one point, you get somewhat of your own. Here's mine: I pick out how many sylables. Maybe 2, maybe 3. Then I decide on about 1-3 vowels, then from 1-twice as many vowels of costenants (sp), then I play word twist. You don't want to overuse certain naming processes though.
i.e.
Bailow
Kaima
Rysalia
Ryki
Get the point? The whole "ai" thing to make the sound of "i" is used often, but some tend to over use it in the same story. Too often do people substitute an "i" for a "y" too. It's fine as well, but I suggest not to overuse it.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MiniDude on 2006-02-28 at 18:20:57
Well i have different names but i used those pverly used names, because i didint want to give out my and my friends names. those are what i actually used.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mp)Blu on 2006-03-01 at 17:24:33
Eh. I think it would be nice for u to continue, but try to add more detail. Maybe surrounding detail. Also try to describe the characters, it's kind of weird to start a stroy like you did. Keep up the work
Report, edit, etc...Posted by SeyoDragon on 2006-03-04 at 01:01:33
At school your mind wanders. Basically, at school, it was easier to read.
why did my name have to be billy. why bob.
LOL
shouldn't have done your name as bob. LOL
but i still think it is good.
i liked it.
we should play starcraft sometime together. 
good job rock on
why did my name have to be billy. why bob.
LOLshouldn't have done your name as bob.
LOLbut i still think it is good.
i liked it.
we should play starcraft sometime together. good job rock on