Staredit Network

Post your bad jokes here:

Here's a couple to start off:

A rabbit walks into a barbor shop and the barbor says "What's with the hare?"

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?"

[center]Was Princess Diana on the radio the day she died?
Yes, she was on the steering wheel and the dashboard too.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

One day little jimmy was in the lounge room playing with his train set. His mum was in the kitchen. He moved the train around the track and then stopped it and said "Everybody get the fark off the train, this is the last station, everybody on the platform stay the fark off the train because this is the last farking station", and his mum came running in and said "Jimmy! How dare you use such language, go up to your room for 2 hours to think about what you did! So Jimmy goes up to his room for 2 hours and then comes back and starts playing with his train set again. He moves the train around the tracks and then says "Could everybody please get off the train as this is the last station, Could everbody on the platform please stay off the train as this is the last station, and If you are angry about having to wait 2 hours to get off the train, talk to the fat biznatch in the kitchen".

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand...

Dude is driving along through town when suddenly the traffic comes to complete gridlock, and he can't see any reason. He see's a Police Orificer walking between the traffic talking to drivers. After a few minutes, the cop reachs dude's car.
"What's going on officer?" dude asks.
"A Frenchman is standing in the road up front and refuses to move! He says he's had enough, his wife left him for his father, his dog died and he's been diagnosed with AIDs. On top of that he's in huge debt. He's threatening to dose himself in petrol and set himself ablaze! "
"Oh my!" exclaims d00d.
"So yeah" says the cop "we're having a bit of a whip round to help him out"
"How much have you collected thus far?"
"Half a gallon..."

A pilot of a helicopter service has to fly a bussinessman to an important meeting.
During the flight the weather gets worse and 2 miles from the airport the helicopter flies into the thickest fog the pilot has ever seen.
After flying around in circles for an hour, the pilot suddenly spots the windows of a rather large building appearing out of the fog.
As the pilot keeps the helicopter steady he asks the passenger to write "Where are we?" on a piece of cardboard and hold it up.
Someone spots it and proceeds to write a reply:
"In a helicopter"
The pilot waves to the man and flies away, succesfully landing at the airport 10 minutes later.
"How the hell did you know where we are? That information was totally useless!"
"Exactly" says the pilot "It was precise, but absolutely useless. So it had to be the Microsoft helpdesk."

I've got more, but you're all probably too lazy to read 'em.[/center]

:/
I got a bad joke:
Why don't you let a pokemon in your bathroom.
BECAUSE HE MIGHT PIKA CHU!!!

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"To get to the other side!"

HAX!!!11!!1!!1!!!11!!one!1!!!FIVE465

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was chuck norris?

All of it.

Okay, a man walks into a bar and says "Ouch".

Why'd the turtle cross the road?
- To get to the shell station

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why couldn't the squirrel climb up the tree?
Because the monkey fell on it.

In his free time, Chuck Norris enjoyes knitting sweaters. When I say knitting I mean kicking, and when I say sweaters, I mean babies.

gah.. you're right. Post the long ones one at a time!


Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and michael jackson?



One, walks on the moon..... and the other................... has sex with little boys.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Wal-Mart? "Boy's drawers, half off!"

hax you took my joke


I dunno, ya'll may not get it but I was at a friend's house last night chilling and we were playing twister.
I was spinning and I said "B5"
And my friend said "You sank my jenga ship"

I thought it was funny...

So a guy walks into a bar and half of his head is GIANT orange. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender walks over to him and says:
"Hey buddy, I couldn't help notice, but, half of your head is a giant orange"
"You know, theres a funny story about that actually.....", said the guy, "you see, a long time ago, I was walking down a park, and I found a lamp. It looked a little dirty, so I rubbed it to clean it a bit, and to my surprise, a genie popped out! He thanked me for freeing him, and said as my reward, he will grant me three wishes. So I thought for a moment, and decided on my first wish.
'I wish I was infintatly rich' I said. The genie responded with 'your wish is my command' and *boom* i was instantly twice as rich as Bill Gates and I had all this money and cars and everything.
For me second wish, I wished I was extrememly famous. Again the genie responded ith 'your wish is my command' and *boom* all of a sudden on I was on the front page of newspapers and everyone wanted my pictures and signature and wanted to be with me.
Realizing I had only one wish left, I thought really hard on what I should ask for. Finally, I looked up at the genie, and said 'I wish half my head was a giant orange'."....................................................................................................................................................



^that's a good one to tell in person. You can even draw it out by making it sound great and exciting and add your own lines. Then at the end you can tuant them by saying you've just stolen 3 minutes of their life that they will never get back

You.

Look at your hands. Now.



Keep looking.. Front and back..




Keep looking..




Do they hurt?


Do they?

They should.


They have nails in them.

A bear is chasing a rabbit and the two of them happen upon a genie (one was just walking in the woods, okay?). The genie says he will grant them 3 wishes each. They decide to take turns with the bear going first. The bear says "I wish all of the bears except for me in this forest were female!" His wish was granted.

The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle helmet." Granted.

The bear: "No, I wish every bear but me in the country was female!" Granted.

Rabbit: "I wish for a motorcycle." Granted.

Bear: "NO! Hahaha! I wish every bear but me on THE PLANET were female!" Granted.

The rabbit says: "I wish this bear was gay!" and speeds off on his motorcycle. OWNED!

Okay, so three jews walk into a bar and buy it.

Terry Schaivo and the Pope walk into a bar... oh wait, I guess you're not ready for that yet. (I heard it RIGHT after both died)

Ips face? :oooo.


PS:

Jk ip


PSS:
Or was i?


PSSS:
Was i?

What's the difference between promotion and demotion?


-Secks.. with the boss!

A blonde comes to a magic mirror...The magic mirror says that she has to tell the truth about her, or else she will disappear.

Blonde: "I think..."

*poof*

It's PPS, not PSS

That's from Homestarrunner.

"What did the fat kid eat?"

"Cake"