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This world with love
This world with hate
people learned to live
only to die by fate

A world with dreams
A world with pain
This world where I live
Will forver remember my name
-: MP)Blu :-

*/5




thanks for reading

i HATED it.

Here is why:

I was reading it and thought, "interesting..." suddenly before I knew it, I was flowing with the words, then as sudden as that, IT CUT OFF

FINISH IT!!!

It's really good

Here is a new poem. I know I haven't finished the last one. I'll get to it soon.

I hope to be
I hope to see
A hero in me

I want no dream
I want to scream
Of all my lies

Touch this meaning
Touch this feeling
Of all these cries

I want to be
I want to see
A hero in me

-: MP)Blu :-

The first one was really great, even though it was cut off. The second one was good, but not as good as the first one was. If you get a chance, write another one.

I liked the second one a lot. The first one would be even better if you finish it... so finish it!

You know what, it's short, brief, and pretty damn good, all I can do is clap

There's a rhythm in there. Simple and effective structure. Good job.

I can't really think of anything good to go along with the first poem
I was just thinking of finishing it with one more line. If I can think of something to go along, I will finish it. Thanks for the comments

Here is ANOTHER new poem:


Pondering evil
Deafening yells
It's all so real
These bars and cells
I left behind
A crucial truth
Know my mind
Discover its worth
I've ended a mans future
For a hidden voice
His life was pure
And full of rejoice

-: MP)Blu :-


Ok. I wrote this poem in about 20 minutes. Post anything about it. I want to see activity in the Literatur&Writing section
rate it if you'd like
My rating to this poem : **/5

4 if you wrote it in only 20 minutes, it must mean you can refine it as well (I only experienced a s-light rhythmic change in the end)

I was thiking of adding these two lines to the poem( They'll go at the end of the poem):

These dreams....
Fear is how I live


But it will also need another two lines to go along with it..

hahaha oh what a poet must go through!

Don't worry. I make poems because I enjoy them, and thats why I've made so many. You don't appreciate poems?

Here is a new version of the last poem, or part two:

I'll recite the words
Which I once heard
Of a paranoid man
who was forever damned
"Pondering evil
Deafening yells
It's all so real
These bars and cells"
He was a criminal in mind
Insane and blind
"He was pure
And full of rejoice
I've ended a man's future
for a hidden voice"
He killed for it
Soothing what was within
The life of a man had been the cost
Of a man who was ruined and lost
He commited suicide
To rid the violence inside
Leaving in me the evil seed
Thanks to you, I now am freed

-: MP)Blu :-

***/5

I somehow made this into a sort of chain letter.lol.
Also, I modified the last one:
"I've ended a mans future
For a hidden voice
His life was pure
And full of rejoice"
Sounded like the "hidden voice" was the one who was "pure" and "full of rejoice".

I'm not too sure what this may have been about, but I made a little edit, what do you think? (I did like it, though, btw)

Soothing what lied within
The life of a man
had been the cost
Of a man who was
ruined and lost
He commited suicide
To rid violence inside
Leaving in me
the evil seed
Thanks to you,
I am now
Freed

Personally im into poems with personal attachment(everyone is) and they actually go somewhere farther than a "nice ryhme with flashy words". Something that makes since or has a point to reading it, is much better in my opinion.
Trying to edit someone's poem(which means u rated it) to make it sound better turns it into a fad(you'll find out many poets hate that shi-t) and poetry is being used as more than a nice way of putting words, people use it mostly for personally expressing themselves, none of these came out to me as something that was all that inpsiring. But poetry should be for you, not a fad that's fun to write.

~Tdnfthe1

Sorry MP)Dada. I guess I should have told you
I just never thought they were this interesting. And yes, we're still friends. Best friends.

ADDITION:


Interesting. I agree. It sounds better

I'll recite the words
Which I once heard
Of a paranoid man
who was forever damned
"Pondering evil
Deafening yells
It's all so real
These bars and cells"
He was a criminal in mind
Insane and blind
"He was pure
And full of rejoice
I've ended a man's future
for a hidden voice"
He killed for it
Soothing what lied within
The life of a man
had been the cost
Of a man who was
ruined and lost
He commited suicide
To rid violence inside
Leaving in me
the evil seed
Thanks to you,
I am now
Freed



-: MP)Blu :- / -:fm47:- lol

***/5

Lol, I can't rate you because i suggested something >< But I like it How's that?

Better than before