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The sweet taste of death on my lips
Never can anyone help with my flips

Always and forever the pain is everlasting
Always and forever my body is ever fasting..

Pretty good but you could fix the 2nd line of the 1st part

Off topic:
I thought it was about everlasting gobbstoppers when I saw it

Rofl Insane. I agree, the second one is a bit off beat or just doesn't ring.. can't put my finger on it.

Also, isnt "Always and forever" same as "everlasting"?

I like to repeat myself.

Death is finite, yet the infinity of everlastingness is most certainly not. Also, pain is quite the opposite of "the sweet taste." If you're going to write poetry, even if it is more emo junk, try to make it properly connect.

Seriously, that poem just sounds as if you threw together a bunch of generic emo words - an emo mad lib if you will.

Here, I'll say it more generously. Sorry Kellimus, I think your poem is generic. Try to use some new adjectives. I like longer poems, but short poems can be good too if done correctly. I'm sorry that I refuse to be a compliment drone and that I actually offer criticism from time to time. If you want to call criticism flaming that's ok, but an artist should try to learn from criticism, whether it's good criticism or not. You may just learn something if you listen. Heck, even if you didn't report it and let other people read what I wrote, they might have learned something too. I wasn't flaming you. I didn't call you a n00b or anything. I was saying I didn't like your poem, and I gave a few genuine reasons why I had my opinion. Post on a blog if you want to spread your opinions but not have anyone respond. Don't post on forums if you don't want criticism.

You dont' get it: You flame EVERYONE. Not just me.

I know this poem sucks. It was thrown together in 10 seconds.

And I can take critisism. I'm just sick of how you think you can get away with flaming EVERYONE on SeN just because your "lovely girl" broke your heart. That's right. I remember you posting about that.

And obviously, a Mod DID take care of it, because both of our posts are: Gone.

I take critisism in more forms than just my poems.

I take it in my Music, Stories, Dancing, Skateboarding, Footbag, and pretty much all other things I do.

Your critisism didn't hurt me one bit.

You don't get it - the point was never to hurt you, but it obviously did because you made a big stink about it. Heh, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring up the past, mainly because it's not relevant. Really, I offered criticism and not toasty flames. It is true I offer a lot of criticism. It is true I'm not going to suck up to everyone. If I don't like your work, I'm still not going to butter up what I write. On the other hand, if it only took you 20 seconds to throw together, why in the world did you even bother to post it? No offense, and I mean this truly, but if you don't place merit in it, why should we? The thing is... well, criticism is helpful to everyone. If you can swallow your pride for a minute and think about the responses people give to you (all of them, the good and the bad), maybe, just maybe, you'll improve in the subject being debated about. I don't hold any personal grudges against you. As soon as you write something I like, I'll let you know that I do and why I do. You practice those liberties you accuse me of taking. In your eyes, I'm stupid, ignorant, and mean. Your image of me will probably never change. Yet, I offered my nonpartisan criticism of this work, this simple, silly work, a work that you yourself apparently don't much care for, and you exploded on me. Maybe I'll explain myself more clearly so you might just understand that I am impartial to you.

Why do I think that poem is generic? Most of the poems I've seen posted on here speak of emotional topics, such as love or sadness. That's all well and good, but too many of them haven't had enough work placed in them to be posted, in my opinion. Instead of making a thread for a poem that's a whopping thirty words in length, why not make a collection of them (like five or so poems) in a single thread? That would also give you a basis for comparison with each other, as you could critique and praise off of the other poems. Seriously, knock off the personal vendetta against me. You think I'm out to get you in everything I say, but I assure you that my life is much too important to me to waste attempting to sadden a person whom I don't know whatsoever. You may rest more easily for that fact, heh heh.

Wow... as I read down the posts (even after the edited one of felagund's), I had to force myself to read the rest of everything before I posted.

Kellodood (apparently you're also "Kellimus"), no one was flaming you. Here's an example of flaming:

"Wow, you're writing f***ing sucks. You have no talent, no thought, and to top it off, no f***ing self-decency that you would post this online. Good job, you've ruined my day."

Something like that. When I first read Felagund's response, I didn't know what to post. He gave fine criticism (if i remember right.. and that's been edited so i cant see it T-T), but the part about the emo this and that, though he wasn't entirely wrong about it, I personally wouldn't have opinionated on a... classification of what mostly seems to be troubled adolesences.

Kellodood, when you post in any forum, what do you expect people to reply with? Praises? Critiques (and I havn't seen you deal with this too well)? Well?


I don't care how much time you put into it, but more on how much thought. And you think it "sucks"... well, the only one who flamed you was yourself.


rofl Felagund, I was thinking exactly what you posted as I read that part.


Now, Felagund may be more... brutal, but what he says is true. And I also agree--don't try to counter an attack (which doesn't even exist) with someone's situation; present and past. I've also noticed this: it seems that Felagund doesn't really care who you are, he judges the piece, not the person... well, mainly on the piece, anyway. I also try to do that, but I'm slightly too softhearted to be able to be blatent about my opinions. Instead of just putting it out there, I tried to let you see what I didn't like about it

but all I got in return was


If we all just wrote things in certain fashions just becase we liked it... I would start writing "-asdf" at the end of every line, then when people ask, just tell them it's my thing.


But, I do disagree with Felagund on one thing.


I personally believe that every poem should the center of focus when I believe that it is worth such attention. Sometimes it's not, I receive critiques, then I either agree with them that I didn't do a good job or change and compromise it to make it better. I think posting a series of them in one giant thread make people judge the poems against each other, not itself. And so, I find it ideal to post each poem for itself, them as I have a collection of them, I could post them all. One could then see the progress of the writer's emotions as it went.

Anyhow, I'm way too tired to recollect everything I just read and wrote, and I think I wrote a decent amount, so I'll end that here.

-fm47

also, if you really just want to show the work and don't want critism, just write "PLEASE DO NOT POST CRITIQUES" (but that might earn you real flaming).

I'm, once again, speechless ;o!