Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-21 at 15:52:41
[center]Collapse
By Wayne[/center]
A car pulls into a driveway of a white two story house. Shutting off the engine, a tired woman exited the car. Walking towards the front door, lightheadedness kicked in. Stopping in front of the door, she takes a deep breath.
“Fatigue is inevitable, Jane,” she thought as she unlocked and opened the door.
Fatigue was the cost of being a single stage actress/mother. Rehearsals for Two days in Vegas and her trip to Anne took up most of the day. With the rest of the afternoon to wait for Anne’s phone call, she was planning to relax until the call came. A shiver crept down her spine as she entered the house, preventing her from closing the door. Reminding herself that Richard was locked up, she relaxed.
“Strange how appearance can be deceiving, especially to someone who does theater for a living,” though Jane as she closed the door behind her.
She was doing Othello with her stage group when she first met Richard. After finishing a scene from Othello, she went to the bathroom. While walking back to the stage, Richard stopped her and remarked about her stage dress. Soon after, Richard asked her out to dinner. After dating for about two months, Richard proposed to her during a rehearsal for Hamlet.
As she entered the kitchen, she noticed that something was out of place.
“Was someone here?” she thought as she placed her handbag on the stool beside the stairs. “Couldn’t be, Nell was at Anne’s for the birthday party, it must be the fatigue settling in.” Jane reminded herself.
Soon after the marriage, Richard was fired from his company and became a good for nothing alcoholic and started to physically abuse her. When Jane became pregnant, Richard’s abuses stopped, but only momentarily.
His alcoholism got worse and Richard soon believed Nell wasn’t his, leading him to demand blood tests. The final straw came when Richard punched Nell’s innocent face while Richard and Jane were arguing. Their divorce paper was soon written and Richard was to stay away from Jane and Nell.
“Yes, Dickie that’s what sent you to county,” childishly she said to herself as she walked towards the kitchen.
Placing her keys on the counter, she searched for herbal tea bags and a pan.
“Yes, those days were gone,” thought Jane as she added water and a couple tea bags inside the pan. “This should calm nerves,” placing the pan on the burner and turning the dial to medium.
Looking over her shoulder, the silence spooked Jane. Leaving the kitchen she headed towards the living room and picked up the remote and pushed the ON button, “A little T.V. will make me feel better,” thought Jane as she flipped through the channels.
Stopping, “The water should be boiling by now,” she turned the T.V. on mute. Placing the remote on the coffee table she returned to the kitchen.
Steam floated from the pan. Turning the dial all the way to off, she grabbed a mug and poured some tea into it. Tasting the hot liquid, she felt better and placed the pan back onto the burner and returned to the living room.
Sipping from her cup, she noticed an emergency news update on the T.V., leading her to turn the mute off.
Turning the mute off, “Two of three escapees were caught,” showing the mug shot of those brown feral eyes staring at Jane, “This man is still at large.”
Jane didn’t need to know whose mug shot that was. It was Richards, her mind started to panic, and began to remember the strange feeling she got ever since she entered the house. As she started to panic, past memories of her abuse raced through her mind. The creaking of the boards near the stairs brought her brain back to the present.
“It’s your heart beat,” was her first thought then, “No, stupid! Someone else is out there!”
She could hear the footsteps getting closer.
“Must get out,” but the car keys were on the kitchen counter. Frantically her feet carried her into the kitchen. Quickly her eyes searched for the keys. Seeing them, she grabbed them. Turning to get out of the house, Jane froze when she heard a voice.
“Honey, I’m home,” said a dark, sinister voice, accompanied by a tapping against wood and footsteps coming closer and closer.
Jane pulled open kitchen drawers, which she discovered to be empty.
As his footsteps headed closer towards the kitchen, her eyes searched desperately for something, and then she saw steam coming from the pot on the stove. Grabbing the pot from the stove, she hid beside the fridge just as the kitchen door creaked opened.
“Honey, dear, sweetheart, come out and greet your loving husband”
Hearing his footsteps moving across the tile floor, Jane held her breath.
“Where is our little church mouse hiding?”
Holding the pan, her muscles ached. Her heart beat marched. Something tapped against the fridge. The blade of a butcher knife appeared around the corner of the fridge.
Holding the handle of the butcher knife, "Hello, dear," came from the grinning lips of her ex.
Throwing hot water into his face was her only greeting.
Cussing in pain, "Going to carve you,” shouted Richard, slicing the air with the blade.
"Forget about it!" cried Jane, swinging the pan.
The pan hit Richard’s face, breaking his nose and spluttered blood all over the place. Richard stumbled backwards, slicing the air, stabbing Jane’s left shoulder. The blade sliced through her shoulder, stopping only when the blade struck bone. Jane screamed in pain as the blood erupted from her shoulder, splattering blood all over the place. In utter terror, Jane swung the pan wildly, hitting Richard’s face. Richard stumbled backward once again, but this time tripped, hitting his neck on the stool. Richard’s lifeless body tumbled down besides the stool. Wincing with pain Jane ran towards the door, she could hear the siren of the police cars. Subconsciously, she pulled the knife from her shoulder. Suddenly, the door flung open.
“Put the knife down!” shouted a police man, pointing a gun at Jane’s face.
Jane’s only reaction was to scream and run towards the policeman as the pain pierced throughout her body.
[center]“BAM”[/center]
By Wayne[/center]
A car pulls into a driveway of a white two story house. Shutting off the engine, a tired woman exited the car. Walking towards the front door, lightheadedness kicked in. Stopping in front of the door, she takes a deep breath.
“Fatigue is inevitable, Jane,” she thought as she unlocked and opened the door.
Fatigue was the cost of being a single stage actress/mother. Rehearsals for Two days in Vegas and her trip to Anne took up most of the day. With the rest of the afternoon to wait for Anne’s phone call, she was planning to relax until the call came. A shiver crept down her spine as she entered the house, preventing her from closing the door. Reminding herself that Richard was locked up, she relaxed.
“Strange how appearance can be deceiving, especially to someone who does theater for a living,” though Jane as she closed the door behind her.
She was doing Othello with her stage group when she first met Richard. After finishing a scene from Othello, she went to the bathroom. While walking back to the stage, Richard stopped her and remarked about her stage dress. Soon after, Richard asked her out to dinner. After dating for about two months, Richard proposed to her during a rehearsal for Hamlet.
As she entered the kitchen, she noticed that something was out of place.
“Was someone here?” she thought as she placed her handbag on the stool beside the stairs. “Couldn’t be, Nell was at Anne’s for the birthday party, it must be the fatigue settling in.” Jane reminded herself.
Soon after the marriage, Richard was fired from his company and became a good for nothing alcoholic and started to physically abuse her. When Jane became pregnant, Richard’s abuses stopped, but only momentarily.
His alcoholism got worse and Richard soon believed Nell wasn’t his, leading him to demand blood tests. The final straw came when Richard punched Nell’s innocent face while Richard and Jane were arguing. Their divorce paper was soon written and Richard was to stay away from Jane and Nell.
“Yes, Dickie that’s what sent you to county,” childishly she said to herself as she walked towards the kitchen.
Placing her keys on the counter, she searched for herbal tea bags and a pan.
“Yes, those days were gone,” thought Jane as she added water and a couple tea bags inside the pan. “This should calm nerves,” placing the pan on the burner and turning the dial to medium.
Looking over her shoulder, the silence spooked Jane. Leaving the kitchen she headed towards the living room and picked up the remote and pushed the ON button, “A little T.V. will make me feel better,” thought Jane as she flipped through the channels.
Stopping, “The water should be boiling by now,” she turned the T.V. on mute. Placing the remote on the coffee table she returned to the kitchen.
Steam floated from the pan. Turning the dial all the way to off, she grabbed a mug and poured some tea into it. Tasting the hot liquid, she felt better and placed the pan back onto the burner and returned to the living room.
Sipping from her cup, she noticed an emergency news update on the T.V., leading her to turn the mute off.
Turning the mute off, “Two of three escapees were caught,” showing the mug shot of those brown feral eyes staring at Jane, “This man is still at large.”
Jane didn’t need to know whose mug shot that was. It was Richards, her mind started to panic, and began to remember the strange feeling she got ever since she entered the house. As she started to panic, past memories of her abuse raced through her mind. The creaking of the boards near the stairs brought her brain back to the present.
“It’s your heart beat,” was her first thought then, “No, stupid! Someone else is out there!”
She could hear the footsteps getting closer.
“Must get out,” but the car keys were on the kitchen counter. Frantically her feet carried her into the kitchen. Quickly her eyes searched for the keys. Seeing them, she grabbed them. Turning to get out of the house, Jane froze when she heard a voice.
“Honey, I’m home,” said a dark, sinister voice, accompanied by a tapping against wood and footsteps coming closer and closer.
Jane pulled open kitchen drawers, which she discovered to be empty.
As his footsteps headed closer towards the kitchen, her eyes searched desperately for something, and then she saw steam coming from the pot on the stove. Grabbing the pot from the stove, she hid beside the fridge just as the kitchen door creaked opened.
“Honey, dear, sweetheart, come out and greet your loving husband”
Hearing his footsteps moving across the tile floor, Jane held her breath.
“Where is our little church mouse hiding?”
Holding the pan, her muscles ached. Her heart beat marched. Something tapped against the fridge. The blade of a butcher knife appeared around the corner of the fridge.
Holding the handle of the butcher knife, "Hello, dear," came from the grinning lips of her ex.
Throwing hot water into his face was her only greeting.
Cussing in pain, "Going to carve you,” shouted Richard, slicing the air with the blade.
"Forget about it!" cried Jane, swinging the pan.
The pan hit Richard’s face, breaking his nose and spluttered blood all over the place. Richard stumbled backwards, slicing the air, stabbing Jane’s left shoulder. The blade sliced through her shoulder, stopping only when the blade struck bone. Jane screamed in pain as the blood erupted from her shoulder, splattering blood all over the place. In utter terror, Jane swung the pan wildly, hitting Richard’s face. Richard stumbled backward once again, but this time tripped, hitting his neck on the stool. Richard’s lifeless body tumbled down besides the stool. Wincing with pain Jane ran towards the door, she could hear the siren of the police cars. Subconsciously, she pulled the knife from her shoulder. Suddenly, the door flung open.
“Put the knife down!” shouted a police man, pointing a gun at Jane’s face.
Jane’s only reaction was to scream and run towards the policeman as the pain pierced throughout her body.
[center]“BAM”[/center]
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Felagund on 2006-06-22 at 01:09:18
Lol! 
Inventive, to say the least. Work on your grammar a bit, but that's pretty much it. Also, try to think of why things might happen a certain way. Richard seemed to die too easily. Why did Jane run towards the policeman when Richard was already dead Lastly, why the Hell did she just not drop the knife?
Other than that, I like it! It may be sparse in the writing, but then again, it's about what's being written, not how it's written, that really matters.
Inventive, to say the least. Work on your grammar a bit, but that's pretty much it. Also, try to think of why things might happen a certain way. Richard seemed to die too easily. Why did Jane run towards the policeman when Richard was already dead Lastly, why the Hell did she just not drop the knife?
Other than that, I like it! It may be sparse in the writing, but then again, it's about what's being written, not how it's written, that really matters.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-22 at 12:47:21
Richard did die to easily yes i agree on that... The Jane running was the whole split second, its hard to get into words. Yes in my head the whole door flung open Jane screaming, policeman saying put the knife down happened in a split second.
There is lots of news about police man shooting some random people in a split second. So thats pretty much what happened..
There is lots of news about police man shooting some random people in a split second. So thats pretty much what happened..
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2006-06-22 at 16:12:20
Wow, nice story 
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-22 at 21:15:47
Thanks lol, I need to work on what Felagund said. If I did do that the story would of been much better.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oo.Insane.oO on 2006-06-23 at 15:00:44
This is a really nice story but like felagund said you need to work on grammer a little bit as do I You got alot of talent if u dont write storys alot and I think u should keep going with this style of stories they might be your style or you can try other types and see what happens
You got alot of talent if u dont write storys alot and I think u should keep going with this style of stories they might be your style or you can try other types and see what happens