Report, edit, etc...Posted by Wilhelm on 2006-06-22 at 16:00:51
In my writing class, towards the end of the year, we had an assignment to write a cause and effect story that had to be at least twelve sentences long. This is what I wrote for it. I'd like to note that since not only is the assignment already graded, my school year is over, so I'm not going to change it.
[CENTER]Cause and Effect[/CENTER]
A rock fell down from under a large boulder, the support beneath the great weight. The massive stone tumbled down the mountainside into the trunk of a great wizened pine. The awesome[sup]1[/sup] aged plant collapsed into the roof of an expensive log cabin and broke the building in two. The couple who owned the cabin had paid no less than $170,000 for this summer home, and their rage was unbridled.
Mr. and Mrs. Weisman had not been on the best of terms lately. In all truth, they had been slowly edging towards a divorce, but this event boiled john Weisman's fury over. Things proceeded as normally[sup]2[/sup], yelling around 8:15 PM, an awkward silence until 8:30 PM, when the Weismans usually went to bed in their separate rooms. However, at an estimated 8:46 PM, John weisman shot his wife in the back of the head. In police statements after his arrest, the local police department concluded that the Weismans had just never liked each other.
John Weisman struggled to start his car, urging it to start, yet the vehicle seemed to refuse his request. While he battled the ignition, he noticed a small splotch of blood on his right glove. These were his favorite gloves, mainly because he bought them himself, and it was beyond question, they were going to be stained. He decided to throw them in the woods with his wife, and, as he pulled out of his driveway, marveled at his wife's ability to piss him off, even while dead.
His body was stiff and his mind felt like it was whirling in a pool of adrenaline. The car sped up, climbing past the speed limit, despite the deepening slope directly to his left. He didn't notice the stag until it's antlers were through his windshield. Reflex and instinct took over, and he swerved, though much too late. The metal road guard broke open and he rumbled down upon the mountain site. The car collided with a pile of rocks, his neck breaking from the force, and the support holding up a mighty boulder gave way. It thundered down into the trunk of a mighty pine.
Notes:
1 Archaic usage meaning awe-inspiring, incredible.
2 Sleeping at a small guesthouse beside the main building.
I did change some of the wording while typing this unto here, but I suppose it's the last revision I'm going to make. I feel that there is some narrative inconsistency, mainly because while writing it I revised it, mainly the middle and end, without really editing the beginning.
[CENTER]Cause and Effect[/CENTER]
A rock fell down from under a large boulder, the support beneath the great weight. The massive stone tumbled down the mountainside into the trunk of a great wizened pine. The awesome[sup]1[/sup] aged plant collapsed into the roof of an expensive log cabin and broke the building in two. The couple who owned the cabin had paid no less than $170,000 for this summer home, and their rage was unbridled.
Mr. and Mrs. Weisman had not been on the best of terms lately. In all truth, they had been slowly edging towards a divorce, but this event boiled john Weisman's fury over. Things proceeded as normally[sup]2[/sup], yelling around 8:15 PM, an awkward silence until 8:30 PM, when the Weismans usually went to bed in their separate rooms. However, at an estimated 8:46 PM, John weisman shot his wife in the back of the head. In police statements after his arrest, the local police department concluded that the Weismans had just never liked each other.
John Weisman struggled to start his car, urging it to start, yet the vehicle seemed to refuse his request. While he battled the ignition, he noticed a small splotch of blood on his right glove. These were his favorite gloves, mainly because he bought them himself, and it was beyond question, they were going to be stained. He decided to throw them in the woods with his wife, and, as he pulled out of his driveway, marveled at his wife's ability to piss him off, even while dead.
His body was stiff and his mind felt like it was whirling in a pool of adrenaline. The car sped up, climbing past the speed limit, despite the deepening slope directly to his left. He didn't notice the stag until it's antlers were through his windshield. Reflex and instinct took over, and he swerved, though much too late. The metal road guard broke open and he rumbled down upon the mountain site. The car collided with a pile of rocks, his neck breaking from the force, and the support holding up a mighty boulder gave way. It thundered down into the trunk of a mighty pine.
Notes:
1 Archaic usage meaning awe-inspiring, incredible.
2 Sleeping at a small guesthouse beside the main building.
I did change some of the wording while typing this unto here, but I suppose it's the last revision I'm going to make. I feel that there is some narrative inconsistency, mainly because while writing it I revised it, mainly the middle and end, without really editing the beginning.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2006-06-22 at 16:10:25
Speechless 
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Wilhelm on 2006-06-24 at 04:31:32
Well that's wonderful. Would a nonmute like to post something pointful, eh?
Goddamn mimes.
Goddamn mimes.