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Staredit Network -> Literature & Writing -> Wayne's Poem
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-23 at 20:57:46
[center]Love can't hate

Why do I love you
I do not know

The reasons are gone
Emotions are dim

My boiling hate
Blinds my sight

With hate in my heart
i cannot see the reason to love

But why do i love you
Because you’re the only one who loves me[/center]


[center]
A bullet hole without a bullet


I hold the gun
The gun of truth

I open my mouth
To see the truth

The gun in my mouth
I see no future

The world is dark
Emotions are gone

Without any color
I press the trigger

With a hole in my head
I see the truth

The truth is beautiful
Because there is no bullet.[/center]

[center]
Reason^2


I’m on quest
To find the reason
The reason behind a reason

Maybe there is no reason
No reason behind a reason

But I know there is
Because everything has a reason

Maybe that’s why we believe
Why we believe in god

Because he knows
The reason behind the reason

The reason we cannot answer
But surely he can

Because he knows everything
Even the reason behind reason[/center]

[center]
The Puppeteer


I hold a puppet,
For I am a puppeteer.

But with broken strings,
I’m more hopeless than ever.

I pull the string,
But nothing moves.

Wondering eyes stop and stare,
for I’m a puppeteer with broken strings.

As if I’m different,
They walk away,
Without a word of 'Are you okay?'

With a broken heart
And no strength to walk

I am left alone
In the pit of sorrow.[/center]

[center]
The One-Sided Love


From a sight of you,
My heart surrendered
To your fairness and beauty.

Your unrehearsed smile,
So bright and innocent
Floods my veins with warmth

The closer I go
The blinder you are,
You never notice my heart for you.

Friendship you say,
But the love I think,
Is like a cage bird that cannot fly.[/center]

[center]
Blind Smile


The bitter water splash my face,
I am ashamed,
I have no strength.

The majestic sorrow,
Dwells in my heart.

As pain is spread,
From my veins to my heart

My joy is absent,
As a fake smile emerge.

I am a pity,
I am a crime,
I am a misfortune,

For how blind I am.[/center]

[center]
Brothers Tear



Let the tears descend
For the sadness inside
Cannot linger no more

Your innocent face
Is drenched in range,

And you tell me the story
The story of your sadness
Each tear drop unfold
the story you bedded

Don’t you cry no more
For now I understand
I am truly sorry,
That I wasn’t the better brother.[/center]
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2006-06-24 at 01:18:25
Ugh, I hate the thought of the first poem. If you don't know why you love someone, you don't truly love them because you don't really know them. If you love someone just because they love you, then that'll become all too sad of a tragedy.

I've already commented about the second poem.

The third poem, the "No reason behind a reason" was slightly over-used. I think there are other ways to express that expression.

Also, the "reasons". Let's use the reason behind the reason as "REASON", and the reason in front of REASON "reason".

"But I know there is
Because everything has a reason"

Which reason is being talked about here? "REASON" or "reason"?

Ratings:
Poem 1 - 4
Poem 2 - 8
Poem 3 - 3

Also, I thought that poem 1 and 3 had some severe rhythm crash.

Keep 'em coming!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-24 at 03:16:11
The first poem was pretty much about my mom. Don't you get it, you hate your mom at times, but you truely love her in the heart. But you really dont know, you just do... Third one tells you how flawed human is and pretty much is the question of why do we believe in God, the reason is becuase we dont know, and he knows. So that makes us secure becuase we think of God as a father, and we know he knows the answer.

I agree with you on the third one it is very confusing. But the first dont I dont really agree becuase its not really a male and female type of love, but a family love. Yes i know i was unclear on that part, but I was thinking of a family love.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2006-06-24 at 04:04:02
Oh, I understood the ideas (except the first one, I did think it was a love between a man and a woman), it's just how it was written.

Anyhow, I still don't think you can't truly love someone unless it's really in you and you could some day identify it.

Parents often tell their kids, "We're your parents. We have to love you."
And that's a lot of bullcrap.

Why?

Because parents aren't SUPPOSE to love their kids just beause they're their parents. They're suppose to love them for many reasons, and which varies on the parent. Oftentimes it's because they're a legacy, at others it's because the children are their creation, and more, countless reasons. Most of the times it's more than one.

And even between a man and a woman. If you ask most of the teens why they love who they love, they'll tell you with words such as: Nice, Hot, Kind, Funny, Cute, Beautiful, Shy and so forth. That's bullcrap, too. Love can't be described with such simplistic, over-rated words. And a lot of times women date men just because the men are slaving over them. A lot of relationships have one partner trying to please the other, and the other enjoys it while he or she can.

We can all debate that love is what a person defines him or herself, but if we're going to go there, we might as well debate everything because everything is debatable; including solid-hard physics.

As for the third one, again, the idea has reached me, but the way it was written wasn't of much interest to me.


Also, keep in mind, all these are but my opinions, what it really is is what you want it to be. But also keep in mind that what's art and what's trash can sometimes be vague, but the fineline is there and when looked at carefully, is very, very visible.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-24 at 12:09:50
Ok well it way be bullcrap for some people, but for a lot parents they just love their children no matter what. Its just some kind of different kind of relationship. Personally I dont want to debate becuase there is nothing to, the main reason is becuase your still seeing it as a man and woman type of view, while i meant it as a parent and son type of view. Becuase i think in a parent and son type of view you just cannot hate each other. Atleast for majority of people, but it was somewhat my bad which you couldnt catch that. And I know if I read it i would think its some kind of man and woman love, not parent and son. But if you know its a parent and son type of love, i think that poem makes perfect sense. I mean didnt you ever had times when you fought with your parents and you were really angry with them, but then again you still love them and feel sorry for them, becuase you caused trouble. However, you still know your parents are mean person's, but you still love them. I mean I feel a parent and son relationship is something that could only be made for years, your parents will always love you becuase they raised you since you were a baby. I mean if they hated you then they would of dumped you in the lake, but they raised you and from there a new relation opens, and now its a unbreakable relationship.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oo.Insane.oO on 2006-06-24 at 12:46:32
These are some pretty good poems but I like the 2nd one the best
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-24 at 20:54:43
any suggestion fix edit?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Oo.Insane.oO on 2006-06-24 at 22:41:07
The 3rd one uses Reason too much in a row I think
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-25 at 00:58:34
i know about that lol haha lol haha... yea i agree totally, its a little odd and not very well written poem.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2006-06-25 at 01:14:42
No no, I got the part with the whole son and mother part already. I just wanted to state my last post smile.gif

With the first one, though, I still think there should be some sort of indication to show more of a son-and-mother. That could even be a love from friends, or a father, or grandparents.

Something that indicates... like how she raised you or something, or how she taught you, ect.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2006-06-26 at 21:30:42
So..wow.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by RedNara on 2006-06-27 at 02:49:04
QUOTE(fm47 @ Jun 24 2006, 09:14 PM)
No no, I got the part with the whole son and mother part already.  I just wanted to state my last post smile.gif

With the first one, though, I still think there should be some sort of indication to show more of a son-and-mother.  That could even be a love from friends, or a father, or grandparents.

Something that indicates... like how she raised you or something, or how she taught you, ect.
[right][snapback]512830[/snapback][/right]


agree but wanted to keep it short and sweet. But yea if i did add like she raised me or something of that sort, it would be obvious. Im going to edit and repost a few of thoes poems and add new ones, which iv already written tommorow. fm47 be more active post more lol XD
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