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I don't mean to provoke much in the way of discussion - just to make people think - so I'm putting this in Misc.

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Yesterday evening I got a phone call from one of my best friends from school and 6th form college who I haven't seen since I came to university. I thought it would have to be something pretty important for him to call me, and it was.

He told me that another mutual friend of ours - a guy who I've grown up with from age 11 to 18 - died on Monday in easily preventable circumstances. He'd gone to an initiation ceremony at the university golf club he'd joined, and had a lot to drink. He was supposed to be meeting another old friend of ours and he (presumably) set out to meet her sometime late in the evening. Nobody went with him despite the fact that he was very drunk and he had a reputation for getting into dangerous situations when he was in such a state. In the morning he was found dead in a parking lot a long way from where he was supposed to have met up with this other friend. It seems like he got lost, collapsed and died of hypothermia. He was 18.

First of all I'm going to miss him and I mourn his death because he was a good friend, but I'm also angry that nobody went with him or searched for him until the morning. What were the people who were with him thinking? I guess if it was an initiation they didn't know him, but still - you don't let heavily drunk people walk off on their own. I'm still struggling to come to terms with this - for some reason I just expect to see him when I go back home, and that we'll all meet up for a meal or something, but I know that that can never happen again.

It's such a waste - he had his whole life ahead of him and he was a really nice and funny guy. You just don't think that a tragedy like this will befall one of your friends - I feel so bad for his family.

I guess that there's one thing that I've thought since I heard about this, and that is that no matter how old we are, or how healthy we are, we're not invincible. I think there's a tendency for teenagers to believe very strongly that they can't die at their age. Life is fragile. All it takes is the wrong circumstances and a perfectly healthy person can be so cruelly snatched away from the world. It's times like these that make me want to believe that there's something after death. The feelings, thoughts and personality that made my friend who he was are gone forever - how can this be? I refuse to accept that he will only live on in our memories.

He doesn't only exist in your memories. I've had a couple friends in my life commit suicide, but that's also attributed to when I moved around the state a bit and coincidence. Your friends will persist in your personality, sense of humor, opinions, etc. You have knowledge of the way they think, and whether you like it or not, they have influenced you. So no, your friend doesn't only exist in pictures, he exists in you and the other people he hung out with from spending time with him.

Ive watched my brother destroy himself with various substances, while my parents sacrifice our hapiness and money to try and help him, when he doesnt want to be helped.

I have no sympathy, nor think anyone who causes their own destruction deserves the caring of another for them. If your friend got himself overly drunk, thats his fault, and not a tear should be shed by anyone for him.

Maybe its my own situation thats made me so cold twoards such instances like these. But thats how i seem to feel these days.

I'm always the one person who strives to try and do a better job or performance than everybody at my general fields of interest, this would be philosophical writing, and I couldn't have possibly said it better than that.

Yesterday during the night, before I got semi-drunk , I received that one call which I have possibly feared to receive my whole life. I give thanks that it wasn't one of my friends as I easily become very attached to friends, but the father of one of them. I've had friends who lost their parent(s) before, but to me it wasn't that of a big deal because I never knew the person. This time it was different, I talked to the person a lot, especially during Track & Field competitions, mainly about the sport itself, but usually related to his son, we had some very good conversations through the years.

I've barely seen the both of them since I got into College, only to receive that phone call last night, during finals. This is the first time that I person who I was quite close to passed away and it hit me quite hard. Sure, I've had relatives die before, but I was either too young or barely saw them anyways.

I always thought that it wouldn't happen to a person who was quite close to me, at least not for another 10 or 15 years but it happened, right as finals are starting and because of that frustration, I had a fight with my girl today for something stupid. It was clearly my fault for acting so aggressively, we can't dish out our problems at others. The important thing is to know the possibilities that can happen and be ready to confront them.

Evidently people are also moulded by their personal experiences. Personally, I think it's ok to get drunk so long as you're not an alcoholic and you don't do it too frequently. Britain has a drinking culture and my friend was by no means as bad as the thousands of people who drink themselves to stupidity and end up having unwanted pregancies and the like. The difference is that my friend was a good person and not very used to alcohol (he drank for the first time at a party this year, I believe). You might argue that people should not allow themselves to get into a position where their safety is dependent on the actions and goodwill of others, but I don't think this was the case and to make such an accusation is to tarnish his memory. I shall always remember him as a person who didn't deserve having anything like this happen to him.

Sorry to hear about your brother, but substance abuse of the kind I think you're describing is a completely different issue. I don't think you can apply your cynicism to my situation with any credibility.



Yeah, that's also pretty bad - I had the argument with girlfriend thing today as well. We made up though - we're both just pretty cut up by this tragedy and feeling very on edge.

Teenagers do think they're invincible. I remember thinking that myself. I mean, I always KNEW what death was, and I KNEW it could happen to me, but only recently has the permanancy and prevelancy of death made themselves shockingly known to me. I've had lots of relatives die in the last couple of years, including an aunt who drank herself to death.

For many months out of this summer, I couldn't sleep out fear I'd never wake up. I know it sounds weird (I'm also pretty healthy, as far as I know), and it was frustrating because I couldn't get any sleep. But the big unknowns about death are very frightening. Such as the realization that when it happens, not only will you be unaware its happened, but you'll be unaware of the unawareness. Just a total nothingness. I clung to every moment of conciousness I could (and I still get like this sometimes). I tried to fully absorb every sight, sound, and sensation that went through me, all the while thinking a time will come when I won't be able to ever again. And that time could be 5 minutes from now or 50 years.

At times like those, I really hope religion is right about the afterlife, cuz the thought of a total nothingness in which you'll never be aware again - completely cease to exist - is terrifying. It also makes me think about how truly terrible murderers (or those who have the power to prevent an easily preventable death, such as that of Will's friend) can be. As humans (as opposed to wild animals and other less concious creatures), we all know that we will die someday, and we all have fears and uncertainties about it. But forcing someone else to fall into that great empty hole - when every part of their being resists it - is such a terrible deed that it boggles my mind sometimes.

There's something kinda humbling about being painfully aware of your own, as well as other's, mortality. It'll all end someday. Probably not fairly. All the good times will be over. For that matter, all the times period will end. But the lives of others will go on without you.

That's one of the reasons I believe in God - a human is too complecated, and when he dies, it seems like there will never be something that will be able to fill the emptyness that replaced the person. How can somthing that great die?


All humans make mistakes. No offence, but you sound like a cold-blooded animal now. It wasn't totally his mistake - the people that were with him let him go alone.


Living in a poor country will show you that fate can be quite harsh with those who didn't deserve it. You will see injustice more often, it will carve into your brain.


I wish I could face death (and survive) once to rate life. I live like a dog - I eat, sleep, study, hang out with friends, and do all the usual things. But I don't "respect" life. It passes by, and I waste it, just like millions of others. I wish I could live and be amazed by each beat my heart makes, by each breath. While I have my life, I just stand near this barrel of life, but when something will start pushing me away from it, I'll try to hold on to the barrel as hard as I can, but I fear that it will be too late, and the barrel will be empty by then.

Is that my pride? Or I just don't have the emotional boost to love life?

I was enraged today to discover that the national press is reporting on the death of my friend very badly, and using it to further their agenda on binge-drinking.

Daily Mail article - A disgustingly conservative publication

The Times article - A centre-right paper which has simply recycled the Daily Mail's article and used MySpace(!) as one of its sources.

In response to the attitude of the press to his death, my girlfriend has written a letter to The Times, which I think it one of the best-written arguments I've seen.
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I urge you to read it if you have the time.

In the last paragraph she seemes to repeat herself, but that's a well-written letter in general.

I hate it when the mass media interprets such tragic events as they like. I feel sorry for the relatives and friends.

I agree; it's terrible that journalists would cast a hard-working student in that sort of light just to further a political agenda. It's widely accepted that MySpace is not the most trustworthy source, so how did they manage to preserve their credibility? I really couldn't say. And the letter, I think, is right.

Yes, life is fragile. And I love my life dearly. I wouldn't say that I'm amazed by every breath I take or every heartbeat, but other everyday things fill me with joy, and I couldn't bear to lose them. There's a difference between fear of death and love of life, and we need plenty of both.

Sigh, I've had the same problem as long as I can remember. There's only one person in my whole life I was very close to that died, a friends father. He was the first person who ever showed me a videogame, me and him and his son would play for hours. Then he died. A heart attack. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was devastated. In the year that followed it made me intensify the memories I had of one of my great-grand parents passing away when I was even younger.

In the years that followed my other great-grand mother died. I was never to close to her, but it was still painful to see her die to Alzheimer's. Yes, she died of Alzheimer's. Forgot how to swallow and breath properly.

Over that entire course I had always been struggling to sleep at night, a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, for I while I was completely terrified with the idea of death. There's a thing about a 7 year old spending hours a day comprehending an intense philosophical meaning he finds behind death, he gets lonely, and ostracized. That made things worse.

Eventually, I came to terms and was more or less happy up until about 2002. Now I'm not fearing the experience of death, or the moments leading up to it. I'm afraid of not knowing what people and things will be like after I'm gone. You can say my entire childhood has been a midlife crisis.

Just goes to show you the poor quality of journalists. I can't believe someone like that would die because of misfortune, and then they would be described so cruelly.

I kind of liked thinking myself invincible - it made me more confident, it let me worry about things other than mortality. I've never known anyone who died - I've been very lucky, or not, in that respect. I agree, death is terrifying. And the most terrifying thing about it is that you can't imagine what will happen to you once it comes - the ultimate dark room. You can only hope. One of the reasons I wish I was religious - I'd never have to worry about death much.

I hate it when media interferes with a person's death and tries to develop a story. I had a friend who died in a car crash this year. There was nothing my sister or I could do, and naturally we became depressed, angry, horrified, and basically every emotion that doesn't put a smile on your face. We turned on the television a day later to watch the news, and of course there was a story about it. What disturbed me the most was the way the reported it: no emotion, no connection, belittled her death, and put her news in between traffic and a report on a food. What the hell? They didn't know her, they didn't care about how much of a great person she really was, they just decided to make her another reckless teen on the road. The worst part of it though is that they try to blame it on something else just to get better ratings such as: well we think it's caused by stress at school so blah blah blah. I personally wish it was illegal to report on nonpublic people, so sorry you had to read articles that put your friend in such a light.

It is quite disturbing to see that either journal displays a different scene in which the body was found. One can only imagine the image the editors are trying to provide us in order to sell more copies.

And by the way, your girlfriend is a far better writer than the both of us, combined.

First of all, I would like to say that I'm sorry for your loss - and I say that not as a mere formality, but I want you to know that I really do mean it.

I don't think I'm invincible, but the reality of death has not struck me yet. The only death that has occurred in my life was that of my great-grandmother, which occurred when I was six. I knew her fairly well, but death does not really affect you when you are that age. However, I am a firm believer that a part of the dead people resides within you. For instance, the main thing that I remember about my great-grandmother is that she had candy corn out for me and my siblings every time we went and visited her. I think it is her that has instilled a love for candy corn in my heart (I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true). That said, I personally do not mind if the religious people are not right. Yes, I would love to see the people I love after they die, but it really does not matter to me if there is no life after life. For me, life after death is like death before life, just a period of nonexistence. I personally (at least right now in my semi-immortal feeling teenage years) think that it does not make a difference to me if I am conscious or not after I die. Sure, I'll (probably) enjoy it if there is life after death but I will not notice if there is no life, as I will simply not exist.

Wow, I just ranted. Anyways, my comment is that people occupy a bit of your mind after their death. So, just live life to the fullest like they would want you to.