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Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 00:50:57
Alright, so there's this girl at my school, we went to homecoming together

http://www.staredit.net/index.php?showtopi...ndpost&p=594157

And, ever since then, we've both kind of liked each other (I know this because one of my best friends is also her friend), but never got together.

I thought she abandoned hope on me so I had another girlfriend for a bit and she got really pissed about that so i dumped her. I assumed that meant she still liked me.

But I always call her to try to make plans and she never can do anything and she never tries to make them up.

So, sadie hawkins dance (the girls ask the guys) dance is this saturday, and she hasn't asked me yet.

What should I do?

And if she doesn't ask me, she'll probably text or call afterwards, should I ignore her then?

Because the dance is the only shot I see of us ever spending time together.
In my opinion, if she doesn't ask me, she really doesn't want to make anything happen, so I should stop wasting my time on her and move on to a new girl.

Is seeing whether or not she asks me to the dance the ultimate test?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MasterJohnny on 2007-01-25 at 00:55:03
omg...you should ask her to that dance smile.gif if your man enough!

i have worse girl trouble...im a freaken ugly chick magnet! its sad rejecting every non hot girl sad.gif
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 00:57:29
I already asked her to homecoming I think it would come across a bit desperate if I asked her to this dance seeing as how the girls are supposed to ask the guys.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MasterJohnny on 2007-01-25 at 01:01:08
fine your not man enough...if you really like her you should ask her...if she said no i dont think youll be losing anything...
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 01:03:44
Dude, I am man enough, I asked her to homecoming, it's just a dance where the girls ask the guys and if she can't ask me then she must not like me.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MasterJohnny on 2007-01-25 at 01:04:59
or...she could be like you and wont ask the other person...
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 01:12:03
Alright you don't get it i'll read this tommorow and see what everyone else has to say. Hopefully though, by then, she'll have asked me and I won't need their advice.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by DT_Battlekruser on 2007-01-25 at 01:14:50
If she doesn't ask you to Sadie's, it means she's not interesting in publicly being with you at the moment (OR she actually is busy at the moment; you should probably try and discreetly find that one out first).

It depends on where your priorities and feelings lie.

Do you really like/love her that much? You can probably stay with her and come back in to her life more seriously at a later point.

Can you not survive without having a gf of the month? If you're that kind of guy, move on.

It really depends what you want.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by FFX-Chocobo on 2007-01-25 at 01:18:49
Maybe shes afraid of what some of her friends might think, I had a friend who dated this girl who's best friend was constantly fighting with him, and they got into lots of trouble ><. Maybe you should just go up to her, ask her to talk in private and tell her whats going on, about her acting like this and whatnot. If she pretends like shes not, maybe shes scared of something?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 01:25:01
I think that if she doesn't ask me I'm completely moving on. ESPECIALLY if I see her there. Plus I've got my eye on some other girls that I know I could get. Thanks for the advice DTBK and FFX.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MasterJohnny on 2007-01-25 at 01:32:59
if she doesnt ask you it wont mean youll move on...
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 01:37:06
QUOTE(MasterJohnny @ Jan 25 2007, 12:32 AM)
if she doesnt ask you it wont mean youll move on...
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Yes, it will.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mp)Excalibur on 2007-01-25 at 03:38:40
Ok im going to say what has been said whenever anyone comes to SEN for advice on women:
DO NOT COME TO SEN FOR HELP WITH GIRLS. THIS SITE IS *MOSTLY* A BUNCH OF TEENS WHO WOULD LIKE TO INSULT YOU AND GIVE YOU BAD INFO RATHER THAN HELP YOU.

However you were lucky and got DTBK. Beer and Doodan are also good advice givers.
On a side note i checked that pic of you two, wow you both look nervous, stiff, and uncomfortable. I hope youve both gotten more comfortable around eachother.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Kookster on 2007-01-25 at 03:51:00
All I say is dont screw up the friendship, cause if you do that your screwed anyway.

And is dating something you really want to worry about now? Dating doesnt really go anywhere until your atleast 18. Usually its just all the cutesie cudly stuff before age 18. Just keep in mind the purpose of dating is finding someone you really like being around and would like to spend your life with, so dont get in to much of a hurry happy.gif K
Report, edit, etc...Posted by BeeR_KeG on 2007-01-25 at 07:38:03
Be Patient. That's the best advice I can give you if you want a serious relationship that will not end up quite badly, especially with someone which you will till have to see almost every day at school.

Some of you know that I was going out with this girl I met last semester. We went out quite often and had great times. During the winter vacation, we only saw each other like 2 times. Now that the semester started we noticed that if we took the next step, it wasn't going to work out. The both of us are very similar in personalities and we tend to look for the same type of people, people whom the both of us are not. We still go out to parties and such all the time and pretty much do the same crazy things, but she's not my parter, she's now my best friend and I feel good about it.

If I had taken that one last step to get into a serious relationship I bet we would've broken up by now.

If you want a serious relationship, then be patient.
If you just want to screw around, try not to do it on someone you will have to see everyday at school. All my "screw around" relationships never lasted more than 2 months and it was always with a girl that didn't go to my school or lives near me, the reason is that I could easily cut ties with her and forget about her.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by KrAzY on 2007-01-25 at 10:07:30
The biggest problem of all, your hair. I don't understand those types of women going out with people with those kind of hair. No offense though, but that should be the biggest problem. This is just my oppinion, but seriously get a nice haircut.

I think the girl likes you because she has that urge because she doesn't want to disappoint you and her friends but I don't live in that state so ask some questions. If you don't like her, move on and become friends or go out with her on the dance to make her happy because usually you'll have to sacrifice your own happiness for hers in a fact of an arguement with a girl you love, if you're right... you're wrong because they'll be mad at you for good. If your friends put you up into this doesn't mean you can always accept it, but it sounds like that girl doesn't want to disappoint her friends. So if you dance with her, good luck but if either one of you denies... move on.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by BeeR_KeG on 2007-01-25 at 19:49:00
Sacrificing your happiness for hers, for me, is one of the stupidest things one can do. Sure, it may get you the girl, but in the end you'll just be a puppet.

You want to have a good time with her, and her to have a good time with you, you want the both of them to have a good time. At times sacrifices will have to be done by one or the other, but being a puppet usually leads to the puppeteer screwing around with someone else, in this case a spectator.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Rantent on 2007-01-25 at 21:27:49
The best thing to do is not care about what happens.

If you've ever liked a girl and not asked her to a dance that doesn't mean you didn't like her. Likewise even if she doesn't ask you, liking someone is not in black and white terms.

To me it sounds like your obsessing, which at any rate is a bad thing.

RELAX!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2007-01-25 at 21:45:36
QUOTE(MicAarZur @ Jan 25 2007, 12:50 AM)
What should I do?

And if she doesn't ask me, she'll probably text or call afterwards, should I ignore her then?

Because the dance is the only shot I see of us ever spending time together.
In my opinion, if she doesn't ask me, she really doesn't want to make anything happen, so I should stop wasting my time on her and move on to a new girl.

Is seeing whether or not she asks me to the dance the ultimate test?
[right][snapback]618149[/snapback][/right]

NEVER count on a girl to ask you out for anything. Unless she's got a consistent history of asking you to do things with her, NEVER COUNT ON HER TO START. If she knows you're chasing after her, she's probably enjoying the attention, but I have my doubts that she's actually gonna let anything happen. Moving on is probably the best idea.

QUOTE(DT_Battlekruser @ Jan 25 2007, 01:14 AM)
If she doesn't ask you to Sadie's, it means she's not interesting in publicly being with you at the moment (OR she actually is busy at the moment; you should probably try and discreetly find that one out first).
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If a girl can't make time for you, she's probably just flat uninterested. I know from experience that girls will make some amazingly ridiculous sacrifices if they are really into you.

QUOTE(MicAarZur @ Jan 25 2007, 01:25 AM)
I think that if she doesn't ask me I'm completely move on. ESPECIALLY if I see her there. Plus I've got my eye on some other girls that I know I could get. Thanks for the advice DTBK and FFX.
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DO IT! DO IT! (imagine I'm chanting like a football fan)

QUOTE(BeeR_KeG @ Jan 25 2007, 07:38 AM)
Be Patient. That's the best advice I can give you if you want a serious relationship that will not end up quite badly, especially with someone which you will till have to see almost every day at school.

Some of you know that I was going out with this girl I met last semester. We went out quite often and had great times. During the winter vacation, we only saw each other like 2 times. Now that the semester started we noticed that if we took the next step, it wasn't going to work out. The both of us are very similar in personalities and we tend to look for the same type of people, people whom the both of us are not. We still go out to parties and such all the time and pretty much do the same crazy things, but she's not my parter, she's now my best friend and I feel good about it.

If I had taken that one last step to get into a serious relationship I bet we would've broken up by now.
[right][snapback]618203[/snapback][/right]

Beer is spot on. If you want more than just a fling, its essential that you can be friends with the person you want to be with. The two of you could find eachother to be the sexiest people in the world, but it still won't last very long if you can't be friends with eachother, too. If there's a mutual friendship and respect between you, then you can be honest with eachother, even if its about something like not being able to continue being in the relationship.

I know a lot of guys associate "being friends" with a girl to not having a chance of nailing them. That is true some of the time (moreso in highschool, when neither guys or girls have any idea what the hell they're doing), but if you want it to last any length of time, you gotta be friends. Even if you find out the two of you don't click, you can still go on being friends. In short: Even if you don't win, you don't exactly lose, either.

QUOTE(KrAzY @ Jan 25 2007, 10:07 AM)
The biggest problem of all, your hair. I don't understand those types of women going out with people with those kind of hair. No offense though, but that should be the biggest problem. This is just my oppinion, but seriously get a nice haircut.
[right][snapback]618222[/snapback][/right]

From my experience, looks don't matter as much to girls as they do to men. Sure, they have some degree of importance, but how else do these butt-ugly rejects score the hot babes? What they like is someone who's comfortable in their own skin, whatever that "skin" might be.

QUOTE(BeeR_KeG @ Jan 25 2007, 07:49 PM)
Sacrificing your happiness for hers, for me, is one of the stupidest things one can do. Sure, it may get you the girl, but in the end you'll just be a puppet.

You want to have a good time with her, and her to have a good time with you, you want the both of them to have a good time. At times sacrifices will have to be done by one or the other, but being a puppet usually leads to the puppeteer screwing around with someone else, in this case a spectator.
[right][snapback]618458[/snapback][/right]

More truth here.

QUOTE(Rantent @ Jan 25 2007, 09:27 PM)
The best thing to do is not care about what happens.
[right][snapback]618494[/snapback][/right]

This also helps. Having as few expectations as possible will take a ton of pressure off of you.

Also, one thing I'm noticing (and I can kinda remember this from when I was younger) is that some guys seem to think there's some kind of "deadline" or else they can't get the girl. "I gotta ask her before this dance" or "that party" or "before the schoolyear ends!" No you don't. If you force it, nothing natural can happen. All natural is the way to go, baby.

EDIT:
Fixed bad grammar. Geez, I'm supposed to be in college here...
Report, edit, etc...Posted by BeeR_KeG on 2007-01-25 at 22:16:41
That deadline is more of a chance. There will be numerous chances, and an infinite amount of chances if you make your own.

Sometimes I'll just call and tell her that I'm bored or waiting 30mins for practice to start(like yesterday) and ask her about her day. Just by that, she pretty much obligated me to not go home and go to her weekend long birthday party, I'm first invited, and there is still 2 months to go.

Things just happen, you cannot plan on something specific and make it like a script because it won't happen. Each girl is different and reacts differently and then you will react differently to each of her reactions.

One thing is asking her out to just go out. Another is to just talk and then mutually agree to go out. I find it best when you're talking about something similar of what you want to do with her and if she's interested in what you're talking, then it's 100% sure that if she can go she will go. You're already sure she likes it, unlike just asking her out of nowhere.

You save yourself the "NO" you dread so much and get to know here better. WIN-WIN FTW!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by DT_Battlekruser on 2007-01-25 at 22:21:17
QUOTE
I know a lot of guys associate "being friends" with a girl to not having a chance of nailing them. That is true some of the time (moreso in highschool, when neither guys or girls have any idea what the hell they're doing), but if you want it to last any length of time, you gotta be friends. Even if you find out the two of you don't click, you can still go on being friends. In short: Even if you don't win, you don't exactly lose, either.


Precisely.

One of the problems I see in MicAarZur's request is the overemphasizing of the dance. Frankly, I've never quite understood the connection between dances and anything other than the short flings you describe. There's no emotional bonding whatsoever in the kind of freakdancing that is the only activity possibly at most high school dances (with the music turned up painfully loud and always ridiculously fast).

Me, personally, I don't get sucked by the peer pressure of needing someone to claim as a girlfriend on my social tax return. I have lots of friends that are girls, but there's no need to try to go places that are unnecessary, and ultimately ruinous to the friendship that can emerge if serious relationships don't progress.

Modern "dating" is waaaay too much politics.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MicAarZur on 2007-01-25 at 22:43:24
I know I shouldn't set a deadline, but, I'm sick of waiting and this is our only chance of spending time together I see, so she's got tommorow to ask or I'm gone. If she hasn't asked by the end of the day I'll move on to plan B and just ask her "So, anything you want to ask me?" or "What are your plans for tommorow?".
Report, edit, etc...Posted by JordanN_3335 on 2007-01-25 at 22:55:36
Do it the nerdy way and ask if you want to study for math. There she'll see your smart and ask you to stop studying with her.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Shocko on 2007-01-25 at 23:03:49
You could do the best thing there is to do, don't focus on one girl until you know it's a for sure.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by DT_Battlekruser on 2007-01-25 at 23:45:49
QUOTE
this is our only chance of spending time together I see


Don't they have lunch at your school? Brunch? Before school? After school? Opportunities abound.
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