Report, edit, etc...Posted by IsolatedPurity on 2004-10-16 at 14:33:18
So, because I'll no longer need Reever's minerals from his poetry contest and partly because I was inspired by killer's sen raps to share my own poetic flows, I'm posting my some of my better poems here 
.
Constructive critism is appreciated
Extra brownie points if you can tell me what was on my mind in the first poem:
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The altered vision, the adjusted feeling
I just can't believe what I'm seeing
The weird sensation, my mind delirious
Asking questions, acting curious
And then what? Fall into the river's flow?
Let actions lead, and whatever goes let go?
Let the future fall into such obscurity?
Lead myself away from all the purity?
I'm tortured, shattering slowly from the inside
I'm bleeding, screaming silently to the outside
I can't tell you what's real anymore
And what's worse, I don't understand this war
All the confusion, battling with my very own mind
Slurring my speech, can't hear, going blind
Seeing what's not there, feeling what I don't understand
Life's going so fast, nothing going as planned
Seems like things are going from fantasy to reality
Or is it from fantasy to a twisted mentality?
The blurry vision, the irrational feeling
I'll just close my eyes for the time being
===================================
===================================
Things are great, but with the sweet, there's always the bad
I'm just so afraid of the next event that'll make me sad
I just hope it has nothing to do with your loyalty
This has me feeling weird, I'm confused, it's scary
Above it all, these emotions have me standing tall
But isn't it said, what goes up, has got to fall?
has gotten to me, I'm tainted, I'm depressed,
All these thoughts have me so very stressed
I need an anwser before I tear myself apart
So much pain, and this is what we call a heart?
Sitting in the corner, baby, I need you now
Fold my hands, meditation, my head I bow
A silent prayer, waiting for a silent anwser at best,
Yes, I know you never bring the pain from one relationship to the next
But I'm still worrying, asking questions, over-analyzing,
I guess this is what you get when love and pain are synthesizing
And these thoughts, I fight them all the time
It has nothing to do with you, this battle's all mine
For bringing you in my world, baby, I'm sorry
I just need to learn that this is only our story
And that there is no pain, no memories of a distant past,
And no need to worry, but when I do, this is my path:
A silent anwser when no other anwser will do,
A silent prayer when I'm not with you.
===================================
===================================
and an extra bonus!!!111 An old one of mine (3+ years?)
===================================
The tears in my eye, at the moment of goodbye
And the kisses in reply, under the black midnight sky
Has me wishing we could stay together, forever
When I'm not with you, thinking of us is all I do
And you know I miss you, and love you lots too
And just to see you I'll do whatever
At the times we are apart, darkness evades my heart
I try to stop the start, but I cry when we depart
And 24 hours a day together couldn't begin to suffice
Together - I want this now, I'll find a way - this I vow
Forever - I'm wondering how, I've got only dreams for now
I promise a plan for eternity I'll devise
To a conclusion I did arrive, it's something I won't survive
Five fingers on the .45, there will be no bounderies -- If I'm not alive
Waiting here in unequivocal anticipation
And I really can't lie, I don't really wanna die
I can't really explain why, I just really hate saying goodbye
For this suicide - together forever is my only explaination
Blood splatters on the walls, to the floor my body falls
There's screaming in the halls, nine one one someone calls
But I've already gone - it's too late
Aw baby, please don't cry, it's not like we ever really die
Being without you I did defy, cuz at your side I'll always be by
Literally now forever your soul mate
.Constructive critism is appreciated
Extra brownie points if you can tell me what was on my mind in the first poem:
===================================
===================================
The altered vision, the adjusted feeling
I just can't believe what I'm seeing
The weird sensation, my mind delirious
Asking questions, acting curious
And then what? Fall into the river's flow?
Let actions lead, and whatever goes let go?
Let the future fall into such obscurity?
Lead myself away from all the purity?
I'm tortured, shattering slowly from the inside
I'm bleeding, screaming silently to the outside
I can't tell you what's real anymore
And what's worse, I don't understand this war
All the confusion, battling with my very own mind
Slurring my speech, can't hear, going blind
Seeing what's not there, feeling what I don't understand
Life's going so fast, nothing going as planned
Seems like things are going from fantasy to reality
Or is it from fantasy to a twisted mentality?
The blurry vision, the irrational feeling
I'll just close my eyes for the time being
===================================
===================================
Things are great, but with the sweet, there's always the bad
I'm just so afraid of the next event that'll make me sad
I just hope it has nothing to do with your loyalty
This has me feeling weird, I'm confused, it's scary
Above it all, these emotions have me standing tall
But isn't it said, what goes up, has got to fall?
has gotten to me, I'm tainted, I'm depressed, All these thoughts have me so very stressed
I need an anwser before I tear myself apart
So much pain, and this is what we call a heart?
Sitting in the corner, baby, I need you now
Fold my hands, meditation, my head I bow
A silent prayer, waiting for a silent anwser at best,
Yes, I know you never bring the pain from one relationship to the next
But I'm still worrying, asking questions, over-analyzing,
I guess this is what you get when love and pain are synthesizing
And these thoughts, I fight them all the time
It has nothing to do with you, this battle's all mine
For bringing you in my world, baby, I'm sorry
I just need to learn that this is only our story
And that there is no pain, no memories of a distant past,
And no need to worry, but when I do, this is my path:
A silent anwser when no other anwser will do,
A silent prayer when I'm not with you.
===================================
===================================
and an extra bonus!!!111 An old one of mine (3+ years?)
===================================
The tears in my eye, at the moment of goodbye
And the kisses in reply, under the black midnight sky
Has me wishing we could stay together, forever
When I'm not with you, thinking of us is all I do
And you know I miss you, and love you lots too
And just to see you I'll do whatever
At the times we are apart, darkness evades my heart
I try to stop the start, but I cry when we depart
And 24 hours a day together couldn't begin to suffice
Together - I want this now, I'll find a way - this I vow
Forever - I'm wondering how, I've got only dreams for now
I promise a plan for eternity I'll devise
To a conclusion I did arrive, it's something I won't survive
Five fingers on the .45, there will be no bounderies -- If I'm not alive
Waiting here in unequivocal anticipation
And I really can't lie, I don't really wanna die
I can't really explain why, I just really hate saying goodbye
For this suicide - together forever is my only explaination
Blood splatters on the walls, to the floor my body falls
There's screaming in the halls, nine one one someone calls
But I've already gone - it's too late
Aw baby, please don't cry, it's not like we ever really die
Being without you I did defy, cuz at your side I'll always be by
Literally now forever your soul mate