Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2004-12-11 at 19:34:56
This story's characters are based on some friends I have on another forum known as ReC (Resident-Evil-Community). Just a heads up.
The Description tells it all, the story revolves around a young assassin losing everything he held dear in his life. Friends, Family, and etc. But this is one big step into a horrific self-investigation story.
Darkest Before Dawn
Chapter One - Torment
It had been a long night and Aerix was feeling drowsy. Being on the road while like this was not a very smart idea, but Aerix managed to make his way home. The warehouse was silent , the howling wind was all that could be heard. Aerix was also known as 'Mantel' to his client's but not to his friends. He came down the drive way and parked his car in the long, shadowy garage. Opening the car door he wondered where Bio and Jake, his partners were. Aerix had known Biohazard and James since High School in St. Peters and they've all been friends ever since. But when Aerix parents had been torn from him in a terrifying 'accident' they grew even tighter and invested themselves in a dark career, as assassins. After college and graduates school, this occupation seemed to be a necessity. All their jobs were profitted either by payback or in blood money, meaning cash.
Biohazard was supposed to have some 'guests' over, but nothing could be heard from the from the windows of the meeting room. Chris then swiftly made his way to the trunk of the car and pulled away the heavy PSG-1 from its case and slowly carried it to the front door. He shoved his hands in his back pockets, ruffling for his keys. Finally he pulled away his keys which were dangling from a brown rusted keychain. He slid the key into the door knob and heaved in the heavy wooden door.
Sliding the keys back into his pocket, he then dropped the rifle and tried to call out to his friends who were supposedly home.
"Hey Guys! The deed is done, You get the cash? Helllooo? Is anyone here? Where are you-" Aerix stopped himself, looking horrified in the room. All anyone could see was pool and splatters of blood placed all of the floor.
"Jake! Biohazard! Where the hell are you!? What the
is going on, dammit!" He said shouting through the rooms. Suddenly he burst through the room only to find more pools of blood in the meeting rooms., but as he looked on, there he saw the torn, shot, and bloodly images of his friends. In a terrifying shock he moved closer, holding the bodies of his once live friends.
They both and bruises and red linings on their faces and wrists. Both shot atleast six times in the ribs. Jakes throat was also slit and Biohazard had been shot again the forehead, probably killing him instantly. Dammit! If only...! He thought to himself. Aerix looked down at his blood shrivelled hands and thought this to be his fault, all his fault. As he turned around, he saw a message which would change his life forever. A message written in his comrades blood was stained against the concrete wall. It read:
I hope you enjoy my present, We will contact you soom. I bid you farewell for now.
~ A Friend
Those Bastards! Tey are going to pay! Pay Dammit! Pay! He thought to himself as he rammed his fist into the concrete wall skinning his knuckles. Until he saw that he was bleeding he fell to his knee's, crying to himself.
The next day he took the bodies and himself upstate. He went to a cabin which they would go to if they were on someone's suspicision or if they rented it out for vacation. It was a cabin sorrounded by many fields and a meadow. He dug for five hours straight until their graves were finished. He slowly laid their bodies in their graves, never to be forgotten. For countless days he sat in the house staring out the window towards the hill where there graves lay. He thought of his friends, his career, and of course, revenge.
"I will be contacted soon...? What a load of ! I cant believe it though... Why us? Was it an angry client or... no... It Couldnt be..." He said thinking of the 'incident', but theres no way it could be linked. For the rest of the day he tried to write possiblities in his head but could come up with nothing. He was twenty-nine year old and had already lost everything that he could call his own.
It was already 12:30 p.m. and Aerix was very weary. He dragged himself upstairs and threw himself into the unmade bed. Slowly, he closed his eyes hoping it would all be over in the morning.
ADDITION: Here's the next strange chapter, the terrifying stuff will come... Soon enough...
Chapter Two - The Joint Effort
Aerix slept peacefully for about three hours until... CRASH! He jerked himself up quickly and could only hear the shattering window downstairs. He jumped swiftly from his bed and threw his door open, as he burst down the staircase and on the left cushion of the couch in the living room, shards of glass were layed on the floor and on the bright yellow couch. There was something else aswell, a large metal box lay tilted on the couch ready to fall. Aerix slowly walked over to it, picking it up avoiding the sharp glass shards. The box held something as he shook it vigirously. He openned it only to find a CD, a taperecorder, A Port Passport, a V.I.P Airline Ticket, and a tape attached to a letter, which said not to open until on the plane? The Airline Ticket stated he needed to catch his flight at John F. Kennedy Airport within three hours to head to the main location of San Francisco, California.
"What the hell is this kind of bull ?! They want me at that goddamn airport in less then three ing hours?! Now?! Jesus Christ!!" Aerix said shouting to himself. This is complete, absolute suicide! But then again I am the suicidal type, arent I? He thought to himself. He ran back upstairs and packed what items and clothes he had in a backpack and ran out the front door. He threw open the door to his car, shoving the key into its iginition, driving over the gravel roads and on to the highway. The roads seemed strangely dark and abandoned hence Aerix's car being the only car on the road. Since there seemed to be no police he sped as fast as he could across the highway.
After a long two hours and thirty minutes, Aerix was finally there. He threw the V.I.P ticket into the guards hands as he jumped out of the car. He then rushed then away from the guard and into the metal detectors as he placed his backpack on the moving counter. As he took his bag from the counter he again began to rush towards his destination. He finally made it to his plane's hold. He handed the Hold Guard his tickets and made his way down the hallway and into the passenger holds.
Everyone seemed to be in their seats except Aerix. He walked to his seat in the second to last row, Seat 56. He sat next to a strong looking man who seemed to be staring quietly out the window.
Finally he noticed Aerix sitting next to him who seemed to be contemplating the whole situation, His dark green eyes flashing with anger. The thought him to be dangerous, so he decided to get on his good side and introduce himself.
"Hello. My names Shadow. How's it going? You look like someone just killed your best friend." He said with a huge grin on his face. Aerix gave the man a stone-cold glare, with shot of burning anger which seemed to consume him.
"Thats exactly what happened. And in common courtesy, my name is Aer... I mean, Mantel..."Aerix said stuttering, trying not to reveal his true name. Shadow said nothing, feeling a bit of remorse for the man but did not show it at all. Aerix began to look about, wondering when the plane would take off. Suddenly the plane jerked forward, and Aerix knew it was time to buckle up. As Aerix buckled himself in, the plane began to move forward at a moderate pace and eventually they took off into the air. Across from Aerix in the next row was a slender woman with long dark hair. She was pretty in the eyes but seemed to very seductive. There was another woman next to her aswell, She was also very slender with long red hair and light brown eyes. There was many more passengers but Aerix did not care to look.
***************
Second Row, Seat 12
Death was not feeling to well and felt very drowsy. He hated planes and got sick on them all of the time. Death was a dark-haired man who was wearing blue jeans and a T-Shirt saying 'Resident Evil Community' on it.l There was another man named Salamando or whatever his name was. Death started to feel a nasuas overcome him and in a rush, he ran to the back of the plane heading for the bathroom. Strange Noises....
***************
Fifth Row, Seat 22
Inferno was bored, very, very bored. It had been a long ride to the airport and he thought he would actually enjoy this 'vacation', but that would not start anytime soon. He began to rattle his fingers against the seat handle and was annoying the hell out of his seatmate Candice. Candice was a blonde haired woman, looking distraught as Inferno rattled his fingers against the cushioned plastic. She stared out her window watching the clouds roll by. This was growing exhausting, So she rolled her seat back and laid her head on the end of the seat, Hopefully to get some good shut eye. The airplanes lights grew dim, it was going to be a long, long eight hours. It was still only 2:30, wasn't it?
***************
Eighth Row, Seat 62
There was a man sitting with another man next to him. Both seemed restless and lonely. There badges stated their names as 'Apoc' and 'Rico'. They both seemed to be staring into space until, suddenly the plane began to experience some strange 'turbulance' and everyone was shook. In an instance someone was thrown from the back of the plane and into the east wall, then crashing to the floor. It was Death. Candice then let out a shriek, He laid their writhing in pain as everyone watched in shock. He could finally control the pain for a moment, where he could limp to a seat, were everyone could speak again. He let out a heaving sigh.
"What the was that!? This is complete BULL !!" Inferno cried out. Aerix stayed in his seat, waiting for something else to happen. Suddenly the T.V.'s that were hooked to the ceiling turned on...
Is that a man....?
The Description tells it all, the story revolves around a young assassin losing everything he held dear in his life. Friends, Family, and etc. But this is one big step into a horrific self-investigation story.
Darkest Before Dawn
Chapter One - Torment
It had been a long night and Aerix was feeling drowsy. Being on the road while like this was not a very smart idea, but Aerix managed to make his way home. The warehouse was silent , the howling wind was all that could be heard. Aerix was also known as 'Mantel' to his client's but not to his friends. He came down the drive way and parked his car in the long, shadowy garage. Opening the car door he wondered where Bio and Jake, his partners were. Aerix had known Biohazard and James since High School in St. Peters and they've all been friends ever since. But when Aerix parents had been torn from him in a terrifying 'accident' they grew even tighter and invested themselves in a dark career, as assassins. After college and graduates school, this occupation seemed to be a necessity. All their jobs were profitted either by payback or in blood money, meaning cash.
Biohazard was supposed to have some 'guests' over, but nothing could be heard from the from the windows of the meeting room. Chris then swiftly made his way to the trunk of the car and pulled away the heavy PSG-1 from its case and slowly carried it to the front door. He shoved his hands in his back pockets, ruffling for his keys. Finally he pulled away his keys which were dangling from a brown rusted keychain. He slid the key into the door knob and heaved in the heavy wooden door.
Sliding the keys back into his pocket, he then dropped the rifle and tried to call out to his friends who were supposedly home.
"Hey Guys! The deed is done, You get the cash? Helllooo? Is anyone here? Where are you-" Aerix stopped himself, looking horrified in the room. All anyone could see was pool and splatters of blood placed all of the floor.
"Jake! Biohazard! Where the hell are you!? What the
is going on, dammit!" He said shouting through the rooms. Suddenly he burst through the room only to find more pools of blood in the meeting rooms., but as he looked on, there he saw the torn, shot, and bloodly images of his friends. In a terrifying shock he moved closer, holding the bodies of his once live friends.They both and bruises and red linings on their faces and wrists. Both shot atleast six times in the ribs. Jakes throat was also slit and Biohazard had been shot again the forehead, probably killing him instantly. Dammit! If only...! He thought to himself. Aerix looked down at his blood shrivelled hands and thought this to be his fault, all his fault. As he turned around, he saw a message which would change his life forever. A message written in his comrades blood was stained against the concrete wall. It read:
I hope you enjoy my present, We will contact you soom. I bid you farewell for now.
~ A Friend
Those Bastards! Tey are going to pay! Pay Dammit! Pay! He thought to himself as he rammed his fist into the concrete wall skinning his knuckles. Until he saw that he was bleeding he fell to his knee's, crying to himself.
The next day he took the bodies and himself upstate. He went to a cabin which they would go to if they were on someone's suspicision or if they rented it out for vacation. It was a cabin sorrounded by many fields and a meadow. He dug for five hours straight until their graves were finished. He slowly laid their bodies in their graves, never to be forgotten. For countless days he sat in the house staring out the window towards the hill where there graves lay. He thought of his friends, his career, and of course, revenge.
"I will be contacted soon...? What a load of
! I cant believe it though... Why us? Was it an angry client or... no... It Couldnt be..." He said thinking of the 'incident', but theres no way it could be linked. For the rest of the day he tried to write possiblities in his head but could come up with nothing. He was twenty-nine year old and had already lost everything that he could call his own.It was already 12:30 p.m. and Aerix was very weary. He dragged himself upstairs and threw himself into the unmade bed. Slowly, he closed his eyes hoping it would all be over in the morning.
ADDITION: Here's the next strange chapter, the terrifying stuff will come... Soon enough...
Chapter Two - The Joint Effort
Aerix slept peacefully for about three hours until... CRASH! He jerked himself up quickly and could only hear the shattering window downstairs. He jumped swiftly from his bed and threw his door open, as he burst down the staircase and on the left cushion of the couch in the living room, shards of glass were layed on the floor and on the bright yellow couch. There was something else aswell, a large metal box lay tilted on the couch ready to fall. Aerix slowly walked over to it, picking it up avoiding the sharp glass shards. The box held something as he shook it vigirously. He openned it only to find a CD, a taperecorder, A Port Passport, a V.I.P Airline Ticket, and a tape attached to a letter, which said not to open until on the plane? The Airline Ticket stated he needed to catch his flight at John F. Kennedy Airport within three hours to head to the main location of San Francisco, California.
"What the hell is this kind of bull
?! They want me at that goddamn airport in less then three ing hours?! Now?! Jesus Christ!!" Aerix said shouting to himself. This is complete, absolute suicide! But then again I am the suicidal type, arent I? He thought to himself. He ran back upstairs and packed what items and clothes he had in a backpack and ran out the front door. He threw open the door to his car, shoving the key into its iginition, driving over the gravel roads and on to the highway. The roads seemed strangely dark and abandoned hence Aerix's car being the only car on the road. Since there seemed to be no police he sped as fast as he could across the highway. After a long two hours and thirty minutes, Aerix was finally there. He threw the V.I.P ticket into the guards hands as he jumped out of the car. He then rushed then away from the guard and into the metal detectors as he placed his backpack on the moving counter. As he took his bag from the counter he again began to rush towards his destination. He finally made it to his plane's hold. He handed the Hold Guard his tickets and made his way down the hallway and into the passenger holds.
Everyone seemed to be in their seats except Aerix. He walked to his seat in the second to last row, Seat 56. He sat next to a strong looking man who seemed to be staring quietly out the window.
Finally he noticed Aerix sitting next to him who seemed to be contemplating the whole situation, His dark green eyes flashing with anger. The thought him to be dangerous, so he decided to get on his good side and introduce himself.
"Hello. My names Shadow. How's it going? You look like someone just killed your best friend." He said with a huge grin on his face. Aerix gave the man a stone-cold glare, with shot of burning anger which seemed to consume him.
"Thats exactly what happened. And in common courtesy, my name is Aer... I mean, Mantel..."Aerix said stuttering, trying not to reveal his true name. Shadow said nothing, feeling a bit of remorse for the man but did not show it at all. Aerix began to look about, wondering when the plane would take off. Suddenly the plane jerked forward, and Aerix knew it was time to buckle up. As Aerix buckled himself in, the plane began to move forward at a moderate pace and eventually they took off into the air. Across from Aerix in the next row was a slender woman with long dark hair. She was pretty in the eyes but seemed to very seductive. There was another woman next to her aswell, She was also very slender with long red hair and light brown eyes. There was many more passengers but Aerix did not care to look.
***************
Second Row, Seat 12
Death was not feeling to well and felt very drowsy. He hated planes and got sick on them all of the time. Death was a dark-haired man who was wearing blue jeans and a T-Shirt saying 'Resident Evil Community' on it.l There was another man named Salamando or whatever his name was. Death started to feel a nasuas overcome him and in a rush, he ran to the back of the plane heading for the bathroom. Strange Noises....
***************
Fifth Row, Seat 22
Inferno was bored, very, very bored. It had been a long ride to the airport and he thought he would actually enjoy this 'vacation', but that would not start anytime soon. He began to rattle his fingers against the seat handle and was annoying the hell out of his seatmate Candice. Candice was a blonde haired woman, looking distraught as Inferno rattled his fingers against the cushioned plastic. She stared out her window watching the clouds roll by. This was growing exhausting, So she rolled her seat back and laid her head on the end of the seat, Hopefully to get some good shut eye. The airplanes lights grew dim, it was going to be a long, long eight hours. It was still only 2:30, wasn't it?
***************
Eighth Row, Seat 62
There was a man sitting with another man next to him. Both seemed restless and lonely. There badges stated their names as 'Apoc' and 'Rico'. They both seemed to be staring into space until, suddenly the plane began to experience some strange 'turbulance' and everyone was shook. In an instance someone was thrown from the back of the plane and into the east wall, then crashing to the floor. It was Death. Candice then let out a shriek, He laid their writhing in pain as everyone watched in shock. He could finally control the pain for a moment, where he could limp to a seat, were everyone could speak again. He let out a heaving sigh.
"What the
was that!? This is complete BULL !!" Inferno cried out. Aerix stayed in his seat, waiting for something else to happen. Suddenly the T.V.'s that were hooked to the ceiling turned on...Is that a man....?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by IsolatedPurity on 2004-12-13 at 14:25:45
Haven't seen any stories in this forum lately 
. Sounds like a pretty good start.
My main suggestion is this phrase:
"Aerix was also known as 'Mantel' to his client's but not to his friends. "
It just seems too randomly thrown in there and seriously breaks up the paragraphs flow. The awkwardness gave me an initial impression I was going to waste my time reading the rest.
"Biohazard was supposed to have some 'guests' over, but nothing could be heard from the from the windows of the meeting room. Chris then swiftly made..."
Aerix aka Mantel aka Chris?
Some other minor spelling errors...
. Sounds like a pretty good start.My main suggestion is this phrase:
"Aerix was also known as 'Mantel' to his client's but not to his friends. "
It just seems too randomly thrown in there and seriously breaks up the paragraphs flow. The awkwardness gave me an initial impression I was going to waste my time reading the rest.
"Biohazard was supposed to have some 'guests' over, but nothing could be heard from the from the windows of the meeting room. Chris then swiftly made..."
Aerix aka Mantel aka Chris?
Some other minor spelling errors...