Report, edit, etc...Posted by BeeR_KeG on 2005-01-13 at 19:01:01
QUOTE(Funny.com)
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Kow on 2005-01-13 at 19:11:56
Okay, so a man walks into a bar and says 'Ouch!'
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Commanda_Panda on 2005-01-13 at 19:33:06
okay, a pig walks into a bar and talks then is experimented on 'cause he's the only pig who can talk!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by pekkel_the_duck on 2005-01-13 at 19:33:16
Once a duck walked into a 7Eleven and said "got any quackers?" The clerk says no and the duck leaves
The next day the same duck walks into the 7Eleven and says the same thing. The clerk told him the same thing.
The next day the duck says the same thing again. The clerk responded "If you ask me that again I'll nail your feet to the ground."
So the next day the duck goes in and says "Got any nails?" The clerk says no and the duck says "got any quackers?"
The next day the same duck walks into the 7Eleven and says the same thing. The clerk told him the same thing.
The next day the duck says the same thing again. The clerk responded "If you ask me that again I'll nail your feet to the ground."
So the next day the duck goes in and says "Got any nails?" The clerk says no and the duck says "got any quackers?"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MillenniumArmy on 2005-01-13 at 19:46:35
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by OvErRuN on 2005-01-13 at 20:04:51
Here it go's:
A woman walks into her local doctors office. "Doctor , doctor sex with my husband sucks, can anything help it?" doctor- "Here, put one pill in his coffee every morning"
The next day woman comes back in "Wow that was the best sex ever!" "I want better!" doctor- "Okay stick two pills in his coffee every morning"
The next day woman comes back in "Holy
that was the best sex ever!, I want the best!" doctor- "Okay , stick three in his coffee every morning"
Next morning the woman sticks the whole bottle in his coffee
The next day a little boy walks in the doctors office
"Wheres your mom?" asks the doctor
"Ohh, my moms dead , my sisters pregnant , my butt hurts , and my dads out in the car saying "Here kitty kitty!"
A woman walks into her local doctors office. "Doctor , doctor sex with my husband sucks, can anything help it?" doctor- "Here, put one pill in his coffee every morning"
The next day woman comes back in "Wow that was the best sex ever!" "I want better!" doctor- "Okay stick two pills in his coffee every morning"
The next day woman comes back in "Holy
that was the best sex ever!, I want the best!" doctor- "Okay , stick three in his coffee every morning"Next morning the woman sticks the whole bottle in his coffee
The next day a little boy walks in the doctors office
"Wheres your mom?" asks the doctor
"Ohh, my moms dead , my sisters pregnant , my butt hurts , and my dads out in the car saying "Here kitty kitty!"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Kow on 2005-01-13 at 20:18:06
I dont get it.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MillenniumArmy on 2005-01-13 at 20:43:23
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Golden-Fist on 2005-01-13 at 21:55:34
QUOTE
That reminds me of how much I hate babies. Why does everyone want to save them? There are too many babies. I'm not saying we should kill them, but if you happen to be giving your baby a bath and the phone rings.. well, nobody will judge you. Besides, you might get free brownies out of it at the funeral, and brownies rule.
-Maddox
Not a joke but still funny
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Mr.Camo on 2005-01-13 at 23:55:46
What goes Clip clop bang bang clip clop clip clop?
An anmish drive by shooting.
An anmish drive by shooting.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by pekkel_the_duck on 2005-01-14 at 00:03:10
Why did the chicken cross the road?:
The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.
Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
Another Answer:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Another Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Another Answer:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them
Jack Nicholson's Answer:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.
Gandhi 's Answer:
All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.
Isaac Newton 's Answer:
The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .
Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Pekkel's Answer:
Cause they wanted prove that they weren't pekkels, who are afraid to cross roads in case a sniper was there to shoot him down.
Fowl play, mate, fowl play indeed.
The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.
Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
Another Answer:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Another Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Another Answer:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them
Jack Nicholson's Answer:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.
Gandhi 's Answer:
All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.
Isaac Newton 's Answer:
The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .
Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Pekkel's Answer:
Cause they wanted prove that they weren't pekkels, who are afraid to cross roads in case a sniper was there to shoot him down.
Fowl play, mate, fowl play indeed.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by MillenniumArmy on 2005-01-14 at 09:42:04
QUOTE(pekkel_the_duck @ Jan 13 2005, 11:03 PM)
Why did the chicken cross the road?:
The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.
Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
Another Answer:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Another Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Another Answer:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them
Jack Nicholson's Answer:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.
Gandhi 's Answer:
All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.
Isaac Newton 's Answer:
The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .
Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Pekkel's Answer:
Cause they wanted prove that they weren't pekkels, who are afraid to cross roads in case a sniper was there to shoot him down.
Fowl play, mate, fowl play indeed.
[right][snapback]125011[/snapback][/right]
The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.
Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
Another Answer:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Another Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Another Answer:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them
Jack Nicholson's Answer:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.
Gandhi 's Answer:
All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.
Isaac Newton 's Answer:
The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .
Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Pekkel's Answer:
Cause they wanted prove that they weren't pekkels, who are afraid to cross roads in case a sniper was there to shoot him down.
Fowl play, mate, fowl play indeed.
[right][snapback]125011[/snapback][/right]
There was also another response made by George Bush. It's soo funny
Report, edit, etc...Posted by AqoTrooper on 2005-01-14 at 10:26:25
This one was at the Daily-Show long ago:
Bush and Sharon were talking about the crisis and the road map (told ya it was long ago) while eating a cake.
So then Sharon says to Bush (while eating his cake): "I don't just want peace, I want two pieces"
Bush and Sharon were talking about the crisis and the road map (told ya it was long ago) while eating a cake.
So then Sharon says to Bush (while eating his cake): "I don't just want peace, I want two pieces"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by TheOddAngel on 2005-01-14 at 19:15:24
I hope this is OK To Post...
Anyway
Superman is flying around when he sees Wonderwomen laying naked on the top of a building... He thinks Im gona go her because I'm as fast as a speeding bullet...
Goes and does the thing...
InvisableMan: OWE!!!! I felt something pointy go up my ass!!!
*Audiance Laughs*
Anyway
Superman is flying around when he sees Wonderwomen laying naked on the top of a building... He thinks Im gona go
her because I'm as fast as a speeding bullet...Goes and does the thing...
InvisableMan: OWE!!!! I felt something pointy go up my ass!!!
*Audiance Laughs*
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Chill on 2005-01-14 at 19:32:46
QUOTE(MillenniumArmy @ Jan 13 2005, 07:46 PM)
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?[right][snapback]124805[/snapback][/right]
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?[right][snapback]124805[/snapback][/right]
I've gotten two, seven, nine and nineteen (that last one wasn't refering my
... if your wondering)Not sure i get #27...
Report, edit, etc...Posted by NerdyTerdy on 2005-01-14 at 21:26:45
Rofl I love this stuff anyhow Why's a fat girl like a scooter? You've probably heard this but response later.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Golden-Fist on 2005-01-14 at 21:31:52
John Stewart a few months ago:
"So it turns out that all the Sea Worlds on the east coast are training sharks which will increase their intelligence, because that's just what we need SMARTER SHARKS!!"
"So it turns out that all the Sea Worlds on the east coast are training sharks which will increase their intelligence, because that's just what we need SMARTER SHARKS!!"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Chill on 2005-01-14 at 21:35:51
I John Stewart...
EDIT: What the ? I love John Stewart**
EDIT: What the
? I love John Stewart**Report, edit, etc...Posted by .matrix//Merovingian on 2005-01-14 at 21:40:09
John came home from the doctor looking very worried. His roommate Sonya asked him, "What's the problem?"
John replied, "The doctor said that I have to take a pill for the rest of my life."
Sonya said, "So what? Many people have to take pills for the rest of their lives."
John said, "I know that, but the doctor only gave me four pills."
--------------------
Shane walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, you have to help me. I've got a constant erection. At first it was fun, but it became painful and embarrasing."
Shane takes off his pants, and his boner's sticking straight out. The doctor whacks it with a probe, and a bug jumps off, causing Shane's thing to go limp. He says, "That's great. How much do I owe you?"
The doctor replies, "If you help me find that bug, you don't owe me anything."
--------------------
Anthony and Edgar rent a private plane for the day and are doing fine until it's time to land. Anthony is busy with all of the instrument readings and finally gets the plane down. "Boy, that's a short runway," he says, wiping his forehead.
"Yes," Edgar agrees, "but look at how wide the runway is."
John replied, "The doctor said that I have to take a pill for the rest of my life."
Sonya said, "So what? Many people have to take pills for the rest of their lives."
John said, "I know that, but the doctor only gave me four pills."
--------------------
Shane walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, you have to help me. I've got a constant erection. At first it was fun, but it became painful and embarrasing."
Shane takes off his pants, and his boner's sticking straight out. The doctor whacks it with a probe, and a bug jumps off, causing Shane's thing to go limp. He says, "That's great. How much do I owe you?"
The doctor replies, "If you help me find that bug, you don't owe me anything."
--------------------
Anthony and Edgar rent a private plane for the day and are doing fine until it's time to land. Anthony is busy with all of the instrument readings and finally gets the plane down. "Boy, that's a short runway," he says, wiping his forehead.
"Yes," Edgar agrees, "but look at how wide the runway is."