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Staredit Network -> Art & Images -> Story - "The Unknown"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tazzy on 2005-06-20 at 10:47:51
I have started to write a stroy cos i was bored. Now this is my first attempt at what i have done so far. So you like you like, You don't you don't. I was bored so i thought i would try at it. I've read other peoples and they smash me 100% But we are talking about Tazzy here so don't expect 100% Grade A stuff tongue.gif

What i am about to put, Is only a little part of it from what i have done.

"The Unknown"
By Tazzy aka Daniel Wadhams

One:
Death and decay filled the atmosphere of the dark cold night of june 1200. Captain Daniel Wadhams gazed out the house window only to find one living thing moving between the fallen warriors. "Why must we fight?" aloud voice behind Daniel "As if we don't, These things will surly kill us all" Daniel turned around towards the front door. "It's been 3 days since the last battle, with these things"
Daniel turned his head slightly and laughed, And walked out the door.
Tim Brown, Daniel's finest soldier was in the training grounds when Daniel shows up. "Tim" Daniel shouted, "Yes sir?"
"I want you to take a group or our best men and head towards the forest, And report back of anything suspicious. Its quite too quite" Tim looks at Daniel and turns around and head towards the barracks.
Daniel walk's towards the big open field....

Morning break's and Daniel is still at the field. "Sir" a quite voice behind him, Daniel turned around "I had a feeling you would be here Sir" Daniel looks at chris and gives a grin. "What is it chris?" Chris turns towards the battle field and looks back at Daniel "Why do you keep looking at this field Sir?"
"We lost thousands of troops, Yet the enemy lost none. This chris worrys me"
Chris looks up at the sky then slowly looks back at Daniel "If i may ask, Where did these guys come from?" Daniel turns around and walks away and shouts, "Another time chris"

Chris slowly turns to the forest to see far in the distance a pal white horse. "Captain, Sir!"
"Yes chris?" Daniel shouted back. "You might want to see this"
Daniel Walks back to chris, And looks towards where chris is pointing "Thats Tim's horse is it not Chris?" Daniel asked.
"Yes it is sir, What are your orders?"
"Take a few men and go out there"
Chris hurrys to the barracks. Daniel Looks worried and knows what has happened before chris even reachs the horse.
Minuets later Chris returns with the horse and with someone that looks like Tim. Daniel looks at the Dead body and
Walks away. Chris see's the look on Daniel's face and taps Daniel on the back. "He died with honour sir"
With flame in his eyes, Daniel turns around and orders that a grave be dug immediately.

Night falls, Daniel and the rest of his warriors are around Tim's grave. Daniel being one of Tim's closest friends
is most upset. "May the gods treat you well warrior of the dawn" Daniel orders, That everyone gets some sleep.
"Chris" Daniel shouts, Chris Hears Daniel and hurrys over.
"Yes sir?"
"You are now in charge of base defence" Chris Looks happy and walks away.
Daniel heads home to get some rest. When aloud voice shouts.. "DANIEL!!!" Daniel says to himself "Do i ever get any
peace around here?" Daniel turns around.
"Yes what is it Joe?"
"Sir, News from general Beltrop"
"Is he not dead yet, old fool. What is the news?"
"The enemy have attacked Nightfall village and completely destroyed it, None survived. He ask's you send in some of your best warriors, to help defend
the north west road to Lordaron." Daniel looks at joe dead in the eyes.
"I don't know if you know this, But these things can't be killed! I'll be sending my men to there deaths!" Daniel walks to the front door of his home.
"Joe, Get some sleep we shall work everything out in the morning"
Report, edit, etc...Posted by warhammer40000 on 2005-06-20 at 10:57:45
Hey, that was cool. And better than my nami story!
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tazzy on 2005-06-20 at 11:19:17
QUOTE(warhammer40000 @ Jun 20 2005, 02:57 PM)
Hey, that was cool. And better than my nami story!
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Hehe Thank's. I will write up more when i get more time. happy.gif
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Yoshi da Sniper on 2005-06-20 at 12:19:04
It may be short, but it looks awesome wink.gif
Report, edit, etc...Posted by warhammer40000 on 2005-06-20 at 12:51:05
QUOTE(Yoshi da Sniper @ Jun 20 2005, 12:19 PM)
It may be short, but it looks awesome wink.gif
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If tazzy wrote the nami story, you woulda liked it!

Hmm... anyways, finish it or ill kill you! happy.gif
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Wilhelm on 2005-06-20 at 12:57:03
Sounds okay. If you're going to make this into a map/some kind of visual thing... I think it'd be better then text. Since you could do that "dark shapes moving in the jungle" thing which always looks really cool.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tazzy on 2005-06-21 at 06:41:35
Ok added some more to the story.. Hope you like still
Report, edit, etc...Posted by www.com.au on 2005-06-21 at 08:10:40
awesome, but (as i told you on msn) thought it was about sc until i saw lordaereon sad.gif
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2005-06-21 at 13:26:36
Lol... Not to be rude or anything, but this story made me laugh out loud, many, many times....

First off, you need better grammer and vocabulary usage.

Second, you need to come up with your own names, and not steal ones from Warcraft....

Third, you need to keep past, present, and future tenses in order. You can't say, "We have done this" "He does that" "He looks at him"

Forth, it's an okay story, you just need to work on the top three things....
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Tazzy on 2005-06-21 at 13:32:03
QUOTE(Kellimus @ Jun 21 2005, 05:26 PM)
Lol...  Not to be rude or anything, but this story made me laugh out loud, many, many times.... 

First off, you need better grammer and vocabulary usage. 

Second, you need to come up with your own names, and not steal ones from Warcraft....

Third, you need to keep past, present, and future tenses in order.  You can't say, "We have done this" "He does that" "He looks at him"

Forth, it's an okay story, you just need to work on the top three things....
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Yay Finally, Some bad Feedback.. That may sound strange... But Hey i need some bad feedback...

Now let me begin:

This is a warcraft story, But just done in a way i like. As for my grammer and Vocabulary, My english is not very good. But i try smile.gif

I never really understand this past, present, future stuff "We have done this" "He does that" "He looks at him" Care to explian?
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2005-06-21 at 13:56:02
Past Tense, Present Tense, and Future Tense.

You cannot say, "John looks at bob" then go ahead and say, "We did this," because you first wrote in the Present Tense. If you write in the Present Tense you must always write in this tense.

Good enough for you?

And if it is going to be a Warcraft story, you must get the dates correct.........
Report, edit, etc...Posted by warhammer40000 on 2005-06-21 at 19:04:54
Beginning to sound like my teachers.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Staredit.Net Essence on 2005-06-24 at 01:55:45
I'm sorry, I like to use proper grammer, and spelling. And if you write anything you got to keep the tenses right... It's the common rule of English....
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