Well Odd. I am liking what I am seeing. May I make a suggestion (or a couple actually)?
First off, I like the Prolouge. It is very catchy. But, I was wondering if you could possibly
polish it up a but. To me, I think you can write better than that. The story kind of jumps around a bit. Maybe you could try something like this:
(Your Story)QUOTE
When a boy becomes a man he must face a challenge. In this case young Kira Fangfather has a rather diffacult challenge. He is send across the ocean by his parents in order to get a better life than he would have in the West. His Father is a retired knight who cares for his child and does not wish him to follow the same path he did. As Kira gets on the ship across sea he wonders... What will become of me? This will truely be a Test of Faith.
My Version:
When a boy slowly reaches adolesence, he must face one of his biggest challenges . Kira (the last name is... weird), has come across a very difficult lesson. Kira was to be sent across the lands, into the flourishing lands of the west. His Father, (insert name) is a knight has abandoned the sword to care for his children. (You could possibly add another maine character here) Kira and (Insert Character, it you'd like to) have not been taught the ways of the warriors. But have been raised to live in peace. As the father did not want his children to live the horrific life he has had to live. As Kira and (maybe other character) board the ship. They look at their father for the last time. Little did they know, that this journey would most definitley be, a Test of Faith.If you don't like that, no worries. I am bored anyways, just my suggestion. It sounds a little more lively to me like that.
As for my other suggestion, I see blockyness in the second screeny. Can you spot it?
It's on the bridge's left corner.
Just helping 'ya out.
And last but not least. You should start off with making the engine of the map first. That way, you can the map moving. That is one of the reasons I dropped my last map. I never got an engine working.
Other than that, looks fun! And for love of god,
FINISH THIS MAP!!!Just tell me what I need to do to keep you motivated on this map. Because, you and I have the same problems. We make a cool map but never finish it.