I played your SEA campaign. It wasn't
horrible, but at times it was unintentionally funny. I would advise against using your own voice in a map (although I did in The Saga of Doodan
), because it almost never comes out like you think it will.
General story tips:
Make every mission have a purpose. Don't just decide: "I think about 3 missions of fighting <enemy> would be fine." Make it so that if the player skips a mission, they will have a hard time figuring out how the story has changed. Also, make every character have a purpose. Don't just add characters to increase the body count or to echo more important characters. Every new character should affect the flow of the story instead of just increasing the size of the good or evil gang.
Be prepared to rewrite. Just because you think you've finished a map doesn't mean it's actually done. If you think of a good turn for the story that requires additional set up, don't be afraid to go back and rewrite your other missions.
If you need some story advice or someone to proof read, just ask me.