Report, edit, etc...Posted by Kellodood on 2006-06-08 at 12:39:35
[center]Book I: The Forsaken[/center]
[center]Chapter I
The Valley Of the Winds[/center]
The wind flowed over the mountains of the east like water over the southern desert. It picked at the back of the Wandering One as he continued on his path towards the Tower of Dôthain, for purposes uknown to the world. He grunted as a strong blast of wind hit him from behind. He chuckled at the wind lightly, "You will be unable to scathe me Fôraz.." he lightly spoke out as his hand began to rise, "I advise you to retreat at once, before you are destroyed by my hand for nothing..." The wind seemed to back away from him as he uttered these words. There was a loud sigh to his right as Fôraz came into view,
"I was only doing my duety, Draven.." he spoke out slowly to the wanderer as he started to circle him, "Why are you in my valley anyways..?" he asked out calmly as he stopped in front of him, about ten feet away.
Draven the wanderer smiled and reclused his hand into his cloak slowly, "Business that does not interest you.." he uttered out lightly as he continued walking in the direction he was headed in.
Fôraz shook his head softly, "Any business that takes place in my valley, is my business," he said softly, "Now please. Be so kind as to tell me what thy business is, and I may regard you as a fly, and let you through..."
Draven bust into laughter, "Fôraz, Fôraz, Fôraz..." he muttered out lightly, "You honestly think that you could defeat a Rûsh with the pathetic power that you have?"
Fôraz seemed to shake, "If needed, I shall destroy you..." he said to Draven in a calm and confident voice, "For I need no more bloodshed in my valley.."
Draven shook his head, smiling, "Has it ever occured to you that the rumors of me being a heartless man-slayer, are just wife's tells told to little children to frighten them into their parents biddings?" he asked Fôraz lightly, taking his cloak hood off, revealing a young and handsome face.
Fôraz stood there silently, "Elaborate if you could.." he uttered to Draven in a soft but frightened voice.
Draven chuckled, "Maybe I kill for fun? Maybe for power? Maybe for revenge? Maybe for love?
Fôraz shifted slowly, "You are here on business..?" he asked Draven slowly, eyeing his every move.
Draven smiled, "It's about time that the great forseer and elemental Fôraz has seen the truth of my being here. I aplaude you greatly," he said with much sarcasm, "Now please. Move."
To Be Continued
[center]Chapter I
The Valley Of the Winds[/center]
The wind flowed over the mountains of the east like water over the southern desert. It picked at the back of the Wandering One as he continued on his path towards the Tower of Dôthain, for purposes uknown to the world. He grunted as a strong blast of wind hit him from behind. He chuckled at the wind lightly, "You will be unable to scathe me Fôraz.." he lightly spoke out as his hand began to rise, "I advise you to retreat at once, before you are destroyed by my hand for nothing..." The wind seemed to back away from him as he uttered these words. There was a loud sigh to his right as Fôraz came into view,
"I was only doing my duety, Draven.." he spoke out slowly to the wanderer as he started to circle him, "Why are you in my valley anyways..?" he asked out calmly as he stopped in front of him, about ten feet away.
Draven the wanderer smiled and reclused his hand into his cloak slowly, "Business that does not interest you.." he uttered out lightly as he continued walking in the direction he was headed in.
Fôraz shook his head softly, "Any business that takes place in my valley, is my business," he said softly, "Now please. Be so kind as to tell me what thy business is, and I may regard you as a fly, and let you through..."
Draven bust into laughter, "Fôraz, Fôraz, Fôraz..." he muttered out lightly, "You honestly think that you could defeat a Rûsh with the pathetic power that you have?"
Fôraz seemed to shake, "If needed, I shall destroy you..." he said to Draven in a calm and confident voice, "For I need no more bloodshed in my valley.."
Draven shook his head, smiling, "Has it ever occured to you that the rumors of me being a heartless man-slayer, are just wife's tells told to little children to frighten them into their parents biddings?" he asked Fôraz lightly, taking his cloak hood off, revealing a young and handsome face.
Fôraz stood there silently, "Elaborate if you could.." he uttered to Draven in a soft but frightened voice.
Draven chuckled, "Maybe I kill for fun? Maybe for power? Maybe for revenge? Maybe for love?
Fôraz shifted slowly, "You are here on business..?" he asked Draven slowly, eyeing his every move.
Draven smiled, "It's about time that the great forseer and elemental Fôraz has seen the truth of my being here. I aplaude you greatly," he said with much sarcasm, "Now please. Move."
To Be Continued
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2006-06-08 at 17:50:28
Hm...
1) Have you seen Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind, an anime from Studio Ghibli?
2) I like the setting, the atmosphere, and where the story might be going.
3) I don't like all the punctuated names... almost seems like they're there as an attempt to... glamour up the text. The names seem fine without them.
4) Overall, 8/10 from me
The Wandering One sounds like some wicked, devilish, yet ridiculously romantic of a figure. I'm straight, but there have been times where I've been able to adore another man's look in a perspective of art and beauty by Nature, so that image made me go
>_< +
= xD
1) Have you seen Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind, an anime from Studio Ghibli?
2) I like the setting, the atmosphere, and where the story might be going.
3) I don't like all the punctuated names... almost seems like they're there as an attempt to... glamour up the text. The names seem fine without them.
4) Overall, 8/10 from me
The Wandering One sounds like some wicked, devilish, yet ridiculously romantic of a figure. I'm straight, but there have been times where I've been able to adore another man's look in a perspective of art and beauty by Nature, so that image made me go
>_< +
= xDReport, edit, etc...Posted by Kellodood on 2006-06-09 at 14:23:48
crap.. I forgot the Note:
I have so far, created two languages for my world: Elvish and Dwarvish.
ô = oo as in Moon
û = oo as in Moon
The O is Dwarvish, and the U ish Elvish. There are some similarities within the two languages, the O and U being one of them.
Well, screw it. Here is the differences:
Elvish
â = I like eye
ê = Ay as in Hay
î = E as in He
(I cannot find the ALT for this symbol, but it's the little circle above the letter like this character: Å) = U as in June
û = OO as in Moon.
Drâvên (Dri-Vein)
Dwarvish
Å = Aw as in Jaw
É = Ew as in Jew
ì = U as in June
ô = OO as in Moon
ù = I like eye
Dråvèn (Draw-Vewn)
Get the symbols now?
ADDITION:
Anyways: Continued
Fôraz swallowed hard, "And what if I refuse..?" he asked gently, but fearfully, "Are you brave enough to destroy royalty... Part of your own blood...?"
Draven chuckled at Fôraz as he raised his hand, the sky darkening with the elevation, "You don't think I would kill my own blood..?" he asked Fôraz lightly with a gleem of death in his dark eye.
Fôraz backed away slowly, "If you shall destroy me, I will be avenged... Ten fold.. You know the rules, Rûsh...."
Draven chuckled and let his hand rest at his side, the sky lightening up, "I shall end the bloodshed when I reach Dôthain, Fôraz. Now move," he said as he strode forward, back towards his path. Fôraz moved from his path, part of his body fading as he moved. He was an Air Elemental. Their bodies fade at the slightest form of any breeze. This could be usefull at many times for them.
"Draven.." Fôraz spoke out slowly, "You're going to kill Lord Galandrethal... Aren't you?" he asked him softly.
Draven smirked and let out a small heh, then continued on his path towards the large tower in the distance. If he continued walking for the rest of the day, he would reach the castle after dusk. The perfect time for him to make his move.
To be continued because class is out soon...
I have so far, created two languages for my world: Elvish and Dwarvish.
ô = oo as in Moon
û = oo as in Moon
The O is Dwarvish, and the U ish Elvish. There are some similarities within the two languages, the O and U being one of them.
Well, screw it. Here is the differences:
Elvish
â = I like eye
ê = Ay as in Hay
î = E as in He
(I cannot find the ALT for this symbol, but it's the little circle above the letter like this character: Å) = U as in June
û = OO as in Moon.
Drâvên (Dri-Vein)
Dwarvish
Å = Aw as in Jaw
É = Ew as in Jew
ì = U as in June
ô = OO as in Moon
ù = I like eye
Dråvèn (Draw-Vewn)
Get the symbols now?
ADDITION:
Anyways: Continued
Fôraz swallowed hard, "And what if I refuse..?" he asked gently, but fearfully, "Are you brave enough to destroy royalty... Part of your own blood...?"
Draven chuckled at Fôraz as he raised his hand, the sky darkening with the elevation, "You don't think I would kill my own blood..?" he asked Fôraz lightly with a gleem of death in his dark eye.
Fôraz backed away slowly, "If you shall destroy me, I will be avenged... Ten fold.. You know the rules, Rûsh...."
Draven chuckled and let his hand rest at his side, the sky lightening up, "I shall end the bloodshed when I reach Dôthain, Fôraz. Now move," he said as he strode forward, back towards his path. Fôraz moved from his path, part of his body fading as he moved. He was an Air Elemental. Their bodies fade at the slightest form of any breeze. This could be usefull at many times for them.
"Draven.." Fôraz spoke out slowly, "You're going to kill Lord Galandrethal... Aren't you?" he asked him softly.
Draven smirked and let out a small heh, then continued on his path towards the large tower in the distance. If he continued walking for the rest of the day, he would reach the castle after dusk. The perfect time for him to make his move.
To be continued because class is out soon...