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The following post is very emo, you have been warned.
Please do not reply unless you want to help.





It hit me today that I haven't been happy for a long time.
I played video games.
Music.
Books.
Sports.
But none of it was actually making me happy, it was just drowning out my depression. Just yesterday, I had decided that I needed to get outside more and, to ensure I would, uninstalled every video game from my computer.

So last night I stayed up very late (about 3AM) reading a very good book. I won't tell the name of the book for personal reasons, but it was actually a very funny book, wrapped around an interesting and believable main plot. It was not depressing in the least, this book, but what I came to realize after finishing the book was such:

Things like that don't happen in reality. Life is dull.

I took the time to actually think about what my future would bring, depending on the different paths I could take.

I could work to the full of my potential, likely getting straight A's through the rest of Highschool, and use my free time to practice baseball, hopefully playing for the School Team and getting a scholarship. I am a decent baseball player, depression or not.

So what would this bring? At least four years, if not more, years of school work after High School for a degree in any given career. Parties along the way? Fun times with friends?

Yes, I do have friends. But no, I do not find joy in spending time with them, regardless of what we do. Playing pick-up football, hanging out in the mall, riding around on our bikes, it's all the same. And the great part is, the only reason they actually enjoy my company, is I must have one of the most perfected fake laughs ever. Somebody cracks a joke, I laugh. Somebody does something funny, I laugh. Does it make me happier? No.

Parties interest me little. It is just another way to drown my sadness. And, as stated above, I do have conversations and dance and eat and all the things you do at parties. In a year or so, there will be drugs and alcohol in the mix, both just ways to drown the sadness out.

So what if I do just drown it out? What if I just stop caring? We all know where that path would take me...

And if I continue doing what I was, with books and music and games drowning it out, my grades will also stay the same: barely passing. Where will that put me? Probably a low-paying job, if nothing else.

Those things in books and games and movies, they simply don't happen.

I know that this is probably just my teenage brain doing this to me, but every day seems more and more depressing, and I've, on several occasions, had to fight back tears in public.

And the great part is, my life is great compared to many others. It's my own damn thoughts that do this to me. I have no reason to be depressed, but my mind is flooded by thoughts such as these.

What the hell can I do? It's not like I want to be depressed, this is the only "emo" post I've ever written. Like I said, I cover up my depression in public with top notch skill, but a sad book is a sad book, no matter how happy the cover page looks.

I've talked with my father, but he is convinced it's just a phase of my life, and I'll get over it. He won't let me get pills or therapy. Yet every day is a little bit harder, and death is a very serious consideration on my mind. However, I may not have control over my thoughts, but I have an iron grip on my actions. I don't think I'll commit suicide any time in the near future, regardless of how bad I feel.

Thank God for that, I suppose.

Just a reminder: Suicide is in no way a way out. It only bring hurt to everyone.

With that out of the way, find what is making you sad. Is it because you're lonely? Do you feel the need to have a companion such as a girlfriend? Is everyone upset with you because of what you're doing? Try to figure out what is the root of the problem.

Don't get into drugs such as alcohol or marijuana. They only make thing worse. My friend (won't name, but you probably know this person) is bi-polar, so my friend is constantly on highs and lows. My friend also does drugs (marijuana and worse), and I know for a fact that it is NOT helping, but only making it worse. It's only an outlet, such as your reading, video games or other activities, only it's making the situation worse. Don't do anything self destructive.

You mentioned trying to do well in school. I suggest that highly, as when you do do well in school, you'll have something to be proud of, and it will also help you in the long term of your life.

Make a goal. A reachable goal, so you are able to do it, but not to easy where there's no sense of accomplishment in doing it. Make your life worth living.

I really have nothing else to add, so I'll leave it here. Find the root of the problem and work on making your life livable, not just bearable.

Don't try to hide your emotion, fight back tears in public? Hell no. Cry, cry and laugh at what they say. I almost got into a fight today over throwing spoons at someone, when I was pushed into a concrete walla nd punched what did I do? Laugh.

Well the thing that has been depressing me in the recent days is the fact that my life, no matter what I do, will never be interesting and unique on the level I desire.

This is basically unfixable, and as for the root I haven't the slightest idea. It's always been this way, just drown out until now.

It's very fixable. Do things, don't just sit on your ass all day wondering what you can do. Go out and do it. If you're limited by your lack of a car or something, just wait. The time will come when you can do all this crazy stuff.

First off, take a look at your definition of happiness. Where does happiness and self-esteem come from? Goods, possesions, sex, nations, and all those other things are nice - they sell products, depression pills, and give the media control over you. And that's all a load of bullcrap.
Take a look at the word, self-esteem. Self. Self-esteem comes from within. If you're going to tell me happiness comes from anything external, I'm going to disagree with you. What right or power does anything or anyone else have to force you into an emotional state? Absolutly none.

Now, keeping that in mind, let's examine your issue. It seems to me you're basing your happiness on standards from the media (such as the book you were reading). See what I wrote above about that.
Next, it seems to me is that you are compromising yourself by doing things that you don't want to do. You're doing things and thinking "I don't want to be here", but you want their approval, so you're causing a scene. Your true desires are taking a back seat to the desire to be approved by your friends and the party crowd. Smile and nod, smile and nod, but that isn't going to make anything better. "Drowning out" your feelings won't going fix anything.

I'm going to give you (and anyone who feels like it - its fun for the whole family) a challenge, to use a power you already have. For one whole week, seven days, if someone asks you do something that you don't want to do, say no (aside from chores around the house and stuff). Say it and mean it. This is going to be tough at first, and might even feel wrong. You'll gradually get comfortable and find you have more time to do what you want. A good way to be happy is to do things you want to do. And... some people might respect you for it.

You've never read wikipedia, have you? I highly suggest you read through the science articles as they're way better than the boring stuff you've seen on tv or textbooks.

I have to agree with your dad, man. It's all a phase. I was emo before it was "cool" to be emo (except I didn't wear make up or paint my nails, but I did the long hair and black clothes bit.), and I know how you feel. But, for some odd reason, I just started feeling better around 16/17. I didn't really even notice it while it happened. Just one day, I remembered "God, I used to be so depressed all the time."

The advice other people gave me didn't satisfy what I thought I was looking for. Nothing really did. Just ride it out and don't use your sadness as an excuse to do something stupid, because that will only make it last longer.

I dont mean to be a killer, but I havent had a very good life lately either. If you want we can talk! I have been best freinds with this girl for about 4 years, since 7th grade! She lives like a mile down the road from me and just about everyday after school if I am not busy with sports I got down to her house and we play basketbasll and cards and nothing happened, mosty because she had a boyfriend steady for about a year and a half. We still hung out and all, had fun maturely not doing anything. This year, Sophomore in HighSchool I got a girlfriend about 8 and a half months ago and they at first got along with each other and now they are in a huge fight! Which realy sucks. Because I kind of love them both, but in two different ways. My girlfriend knows me personally but doesnt know me, like really know me. Just from this year. My best friend knows me a lot better but not as much thios year and I think she likes me more than a friend and there is a type of cat fight going on. To make this better I noticed today that I have less than a week to get my 58 in Science to a passing grade (70) Which the last day of school for me is this Friday.

So what should I do?

Heheh, keep seeing both of them, but not too much. Just enough to keep the girls in agony. Even though each of them says they hate how you spend time with the other, haven't you noticed that they both cling tighter to you? Don't totally betray their trusts, but keep them in a little bit of peril. If you give in to either of their demands, I PROMISE you that you won't be spending much time with the one you do end up choosing afterwards.

Working on passing Science would be your best option at this point.

Here is what I would do. Look into making more friends. If you can't have fun with the friends you have right now, make some new ones but don't forget the old. Just start talking to someone new and talk to them a little each day and go on from there.

I honestly think you just arn't hanging around the people you really want to be around. That you just feel lost and confused. Your best bet is to start talking to some new people and hang out with them over summer.

If you ever find you arn't satisified with your life, you just gotta do something new and keep changing your life until you are and even then you'll eventually not be satisified with it and you'll just have to change your life again until you are.

And remember NO LICKER AFTER BEER.

Easy: freak humans.

Ignore them. Humans are pathetic peices of garbage. Don't let some worthless POS get you down.

Kill them.

Kill them all.

Ya true, but thanks for the help.

I feel like I could stay with the one I am not dating for the rest of my life, but the one I am dating now, I dont know why, She just knows me really well and we both understand each other. IDK! lol

But I dont want to make either one jealous of the other!!

Well, if the problem is that you feel though that your life is empty and you have no future, then you're wrong. People tend to predict that their life will be spent in a cubicle because they accept the idea and do nothing to change it. Try to find things you have never done before, maybe go on a road trip. Traveling is a great source of excitement, and people tend to underrate it. Of course, don't go alone, get some other friends to come along with you. Be social as well, because learning from peers can be interesting, especially hearing their views on global issues. You took a good step by spending more time outside, people should do that more often, but now you got to explore. That being said don't overdo it and do everything you dreamed of doing in a year. Make sure that you pace yourself in your experience with places and people. People forget about that option and tend to dig deeper in their hole of depression.

At 7-7:

Id say passing science is big but if i were you id go for the best friend. See girls, they come and go, no relationship is set in stone. Friends last longer then relationships, possibly the only thing that can actually last "forever"

But thats my spin.

At ShapeChanger:

Im going through something like that, only with me its that im constantly angry with no reason.

And i dont know what the root of it is either.

-DB

I'll just explain my opinion.

I've did all that, and do most of those things.

Going out, or saying inside doesen't matter, I think. You gotto do what suits you, and not what is told to be good. A good example: my good friend. He sits infrom of the PC most of his free time, but when he goes out, he does it seriously - does big cycling rides, goes on hikes, does snowboarding, every summer he goes to another country and has a big trip there (sailing down the river with rafts, riding half of the country with a bike, and so on), if he does to a party, he seems to get 2x fun from the same things as others. He totally rips off when he leaves home. If I call him and say "let's just hang out", he will reply "Nah, I don't wanna".

Everybody percepts it differently. One will walk in a field of flowers and be amazed by nature's beauty when the other one will say "So what ?"

I think a human doesen't choose his path fully. He chooses only a small part of it, becawse many things can change it, things that are beyond your controll.

My mom works with one woman, she has a son. He didn't learn at school nad quitted it. But he found huge programming talent in himself. Now he works for some not small company as a main programmer without normal education.

Oh yes, I know one person who's mouth is laughing while his inside is not. Annoying, I must say. You must make your friends rate your moral side - your inside, and not the outside.

I thing alcohol and drugs don't remove your sadness in any way. For me, they help to relax a bit, that's all.

You don't know where will they put you. Nobody does.

Sure they don't happen. Be less romantic and more realistic then.

I've had about a month of that "depression" state, as you call it. It's not a deperession at all, I think. I just did what I had to do and I understood that it's the way life should be, and it doesen't depend on do I like it or not. It's totally your brain. You can't change it by friends, sports, music, I think you have to understand: it's the way life should be.

My life is allso better than many people's life - I have a home, a loving family, I have good food. Those are things that you should be greatful to. I am anyway.

Ya I agree, friendships last a lot longer than relationships! But like everyone is mad at me for even thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend. My family and stuff, but I think I could just try and fix this problem for now and just keep it the way it is!

Who gives a crap what other people think.

I know, I kind of agre with you, but Dont you think that life and especially as a teenager is all about making poeple like you, so you kind of grow up to know that life isnt just to make others happy but as a high schooler we dont learn this yet. Even though I know, I still care about what others think. SO yes a I care what my family and friends think, so I dont know what to do yet

Trying to please other people, only brings yourself sorrow.

Trust me. I've tried my whole life. I finally realized when I hit 18, that freak making people happy, only make yourself happy.

That's only for some people. Others like helping people because it makes them happy. It's all based on the person, Kelly.

Totally agree.

But by reading what he has said, you can obviously see that it is bringing sorrow instead of happiness to him.

Kow, Kellimus said something about helping people? He said making them happy. I'm pretty sure Kellimus would feel good if he saved someone from a burning building or something. I think that Kellimus is referring to the "do this", "smoke that", "meet us here" type of pushing around that people take to make others happy.