Staredit Network

So it seems I have accidently come out of the closet to my parents, despite the fact that I am not even gay! Let me tell you a little story..

I am an extremely light sleeper. I hear everything going on around me when I'm asleep, in fact propably more than when I am awake. It just so happened that on this fateful morning I had my door open as I slept due to the extreme heat of this dire August. My father walked past my bedroom door, and I distinctly heard him whisper to himself, "That is so bizarre.. my son is a ..." It is not that I did not hear the last word, it is that I simply did not connect the word he used with myself, and it confused me for several moments as to what this last word possibly could have been. It was definetly "homo." This of course was outrageous, I'm not gay! What could possible make him think such a thing? Was I sleeping in some homoerotic way? Did I leave gay porn lying around? The answer proved to be much simpler.

A quick mental review of every sexually related conversation I ever had with my parents, from their point of view, quickly led me to the discovery that I had, a few weeks prior, accidently made a very convincing coming out of the closet speech. My mother had for some time been insisting that when I began College in the fall that I would be enchanted by some magical woman who would wrap me around her finger. The very idea of such a thing angered me to no end, since I am extremely competitive and dominant in conversation and in action, and this includes with women. Therefore, not realizing the possible misinterpretation of my words, I angrily exlaimed the following: "That's NEVER going to happen. You don't know ANYTHING about me." Then I left the room. I can only imagine their conversation afterward.

Now I am faced with a dilemna. I could simply do nothing about the situation, because I'm really lazy like that. I could reiterate this entire story I have now told you to them, thus explaining this very sitcom like error. Perhaps the most interesting thing I could do is run with this, continue to pretend to be gay, and then, on my wedding day, as my parents tell me "you don't have to marry a girl just to please us," I could reveal the truth to them once and for all. Of course at that point they wouldn't believe me and I don't think the value of that joke is worth ten years of pretending to be homosexual. Then again, I've been doing that for the past eight years for free, so maybe it wouldn't be so hard.

Don't pretend to be gay..

Now that's comical. No offense intended of course.

If I were in your situation, I would either let them know whats going on or not care what they thought.

Rofl, yeah I kinda agree with Deathawk.

But they you can always bring a male friend over and ask him if you can give him head for an IPod and record it and then leave it in your parent's DVD player and then on your wedding day you gona say "Hey mom, remember that time I gave my friend a blowjob for an IPod, recorded it and made you watch it? Well guess what! I'm not gay!"

Uhhh... Wtf!? LOL.

I'd make a show out of it... the only Straight "Gay" Man, and pretend to be gay... WE COULD MAKE MILLIONS! MILLIONS!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA...

Don't pretend to be gay. Why should you ? Just for a joke ? That's pathetic - pretending to be someone you are really not for almost nothing.

I'd pretend to be gay for like a week.

this was my first reaction to the topic.
this was my second reaction while reading the topic.

alot of kids are a suck up to there parents... they think they would kick you out of the house if you fight with them verbally (basically not true with all parents... they love you to much)

so keep fighting for your rights and maybe your parents would understand even more about you.

Every one who posted before me about just simply explaining is wrong. What you need to do is go find a beautiful yet easy woman, sleep with her, and hopefully contract chlamydia from her. If you don't get it on the first try, repeat the first step until you get chlamydia from some one.

Okay, next go up to your parents and very earnestly say, "Guys, we need to talk. I have a problem regarding my sexuality..." At this point they should assume that you're going to officially come out.

Now, your timing needs to be precise for this one. Slowly start to say, "Well... you see last night... I had a random yet experimental encounter... and well... I got chlamydia." Before that look of shock comes over their faces (or relief, who knows), say "From a girl." You have two options from here. You could make an icky face, one that resembles your face when something smells bad nearby (giving them the idea that women disgust you), or you can then annonce how many times it took to get chlamydia. And then state that the same chick who gave it to you is waiting outside with her hot yet very similarly easy friends.

Problem solved.

Oh and one more thing......are we missing something here?

That did seem to imply that you do actually have gay porn.
So much gay porn that you can't possibly keep it all hidden from view.

Desperado how could you!

all you have to do is ask a chick out.

but then of course your parents might be weirded out and think you're bi but its better then homo if you ask me

maybe he hasnt asked a chick out or even introduce girls to his parents.
thats why your parents might think your a homo.

I hereby declare this the funniest statement ever uttered by man. Also, I was joking about the gay porn.


That too.


This girl at work agreed to make a tape of us having sex so I could show it to my parents. But I'll just end up confronting my parents about it in short while, thus negating the need for me to have sex with a girl.

You know, maybe you ARE gay and just can't admit it to yourself.

yeah, why not sex her and just keep the tape...or throw the tape...but sex her anyway...

Freakin' chlamydia!

Well I suppose the easiest (yet not so elaborate or even fun for that matter) way would be confrontation. Youu may want to dress as a pimp when you do it, though. And then half-way through the talk you should have some hoes arrive to console you in such tough times.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

ADDITION:


I think your parents would rather keep thinking you're gay then watching you having sex with a 12 year old woman, plus what if the condom breaks and its all on tape ?

See, this is a perfect example of what I keep saying. It's all about communication. When people can't communicate, problems occur. When an exchange of messages is insuffient enough for either side to end up filling in the blanks themselves with whatever biases or assumptions they wish, then it's obvious there's a communication failure going on somewhere.

My advise is to open up more. And if you're not in a position to do that, try to get in one, and then open up. You don't want stuff like that to linger, unless you can somehow trust your parents to not make an issue out of it.

You don't have to tell your parents, You just need to paint the link to this topic on a wall and they'll check out for themselves that you are not gay.
simple

But then they'll think he has gay porn. More gay porn than can be hidden.

And possibly either a sex tape with a 12 year old coworker or chlamydia. That may not go over too well.

it is that or his sexuality.
What would you pick?

"come and knock on my door" " we been waiting for you "ect
What could work is simply explaining to them, but heIl thats no fun,
stick with a ten year plan.