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Hi, you might know me as the depressed teenager with mental problems, or maybe just the guy with a wierd chair in his sister's room. Either way it matters little. The new school year kicked off much better than I expected, and I ended up getting in touch with many old friends, meeting many new friends, etc. I'm more or less out of my depressed stage now, and people are more willing to talk to me now, so it's easy to meet new people and such.

So it was the first day of school, and in my second period I laid eyes on Sara. I had "known" her, in a sense, since the sixth grade. All the gifted kids know each other in that sense, having been in the same classes four years running, but I didn't really know her very well. The only thing I could remember is that she loved to draw. She has an odd sense of fashion, a skinny yet not very curvy body, and moderate acne with little or no attempts to cover them up with make-up, from what I can tell. However, despite her unappealing appearance to most, I can't keep my eyes off her.

Now I've had crushes before, but nothing like this. This is the mother of all crushes, yet I can't find reason behind it. She barely ever talks to anybody, even her closest friends. At lunch, she keeps to herself, occasionally doing homework with her friends, or saying a few words here and there in conversations. I have a good many friends, guys and girls, but I've no experience with Girlfriends. I would ask her out to a movie or lunch or something, but I don't feel it's appropriate given I've hardly ever talked to her!

Over the last two weeks, I've tried to get to know her. I've sparked conversations with her friends, hoping she'll join in, I've cornered her into sitting next to me in computer lab, but the best I've gotten so far is a little eye contact, which I suppose is good. I usually make eye contact when I talk to people, and on three seperate occasions I've had girls who I was talking to cut me off to tell me I had beautiful eyes.

Anyway, no matter what I do I simply cannot get Sara to converse with me. I want to get to know her but I don't know how. It's not just me she's quiet to, either. Her friends, teachers, everybody. She simply hardly ever speaks, yet I can't say she's depressed. She laughs and smiles plenty, yet I remember myself looking happy very often in my depressed phase, even though I wasn't. So maybe she is depressed? But no, ever since sixth grade she's been quiet... I don't know.

So the question is such - how do I get to know Sara? I'm a moderately outgoing person, not afraid to talk to people I don't know if they seem nice. How does one get to know somebody who barely talks?


EDIT: Spelling.

i met a girl who i had a crush on and i had it REALLLL bad. When she told me she was too stressed for a relationship i was heart broken. But im moving onto her best friend now o.o.

As for getting sarah to talk to you. Im in real life generally a funny person that doesn't seem to shut up . I find that if you can make somebody laugh a lot it becomes easier to talk to them. Im also a shy person so i don't like to meet new people really, however when i do i prefer if they ask me questions, because i start to feel more comfortable on replying and then i can move to asking questions.

I think you should make her seem comfortable around you in the way that she can share feelings with you. Making her laugh, getting to know her etc... it doesn't always take direct conversation to make sumbody laugh ( don't throw a pie at her either )

Good luck with her man and just remember even if it doesn't go well, there is plenty more fish in the sea.

Sadly, I'm not all that funny of a guy. I crack a joke here and there, sure, but those are seldom opportunities. Plus, I don't exactly get to work with her directly. She's in two of my classes, and then lunch.

WOW. I guess we have different tastes in women..

SARA IS A PRUUUDE MAN! GET SOME BIATCHEEZ! She sounds so lame, how can you possibly like her? She isn't hot, shes a loner, she never talks.. WTF!

Just try to keep starting small talk with her. Get to know maybe what she likes to do and you can talk about what you have incommon. Eventually (hopefully) she'll open up and talk. Make sure that you don't become annoying though. Once she starts talking ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. Or try to catch her after school, some people just don't talk very much during school like they do at home.

T- you kiss your mom with that mouth?? you should be ashamed!!

It isn't hard to be funny ( for me anyways o.o ) do you swear at all in real life or are you christian and don't believe in that stuff??

Control your emotions, don't be obsessed, be brave, be funny, be touchy-feely (but please, not in the the creepy sense), keep options open... there's really a lot I could expound upon at this point. But, self-control is the most important.

I'm gonna run with DTBK's sollution here;

If she refuses to respond to you you aren't trying hard enough.

How is that like what DT said? A lady not being interested and having to try harder are two different things.

Try catch her up after school, walk with her home or something like that, speak with her and get to know her. I use to do that with girls that I like, and it goes well the very most of the times.

From my experience... If she gives you more attention when you act funny - act funny, if she gives you more attention when you act X - act X. In rare cases some wimen want to give attention to somebody rather than get it from the same person.

The other idea is just attack her and leave her no chance

But the best idea is wait until Doodan posts in this topic.

Why not do what all men do. Find her most weak spot. If she plays tennis then you play tennis. If she like animals then go to the pet shop and buy a bull dog or a parrot that never shuts up.

But yeah wait for Doodan to come.

from what i have learned about asking for girl help on SEN.....dont do it.


http://www.staredit.net/index.php?showtopic=33949&hl=


trust me i know. ^

Actually, she sits with her friends. She's not a loner, she's just quiet.

Thanks for all the advice thusfar, I've got until Monday to formulate a plan.

And yeah, let's wait for Doodan.

Weres her locker, is it beside yours? And also are you in the same gym class together. Cause those 2 might help.

Stalker.


Try some small talk. Classes, sports, grades... ect....


Thats exactly how I am but I also do it with people who arent exactly new but who I'm either like intimidated by because their older or somethign or just because I dont know them well.

Im pretty good at cracking jokes

With Sara, start small talk, chat with her and her friends like you were doing. But with small talk, dont say gay stuff like homework i think thats queer .

Ok all of you guys might as well just quote eachother because your saying the exact same thing over and over...

I have Psychology and English with her. (Hell, I don't even have a PE class) English is basically all individual work so I really have no chance of talking to her in there. Psychology, however, is a very group-oriented class, and we get to talk a lot and such. And when I said I sat next to her in computer lab, I didn't mean the class, I meant the room. We go there sometimes for Psych.

Heheheh, actually when I first saw the topic, I didn't really read it much and decided I wouldn't post cuz most of the people I give advice to don't listen cuz they have too much wrongly placed faith in their underdog niceguy strategies they get from movies (or wherever the hell). But it looks like you guys are actually waiting for me to answer, so I'll give it to ya. Be prepared to read.

I MUST say that I see some striking similarities between your situation and the way I met my boy's mom when I was 16. The main difference was that my boy's mom (her name is Brooklyn, in case I've never mentioned it... not sure I have) was a natural blonde and was outwardly attractive enough to get attention from most of the guys in school, she just never gave them the time of day (or so it appeared at the time). But as far as the art class, the quietness, the shyness, the drawing, that's all the same. Also, a lot like you, I was sort of coming out of my "emo" (if you can call it that) behavior that I went through as a young teenager. So how did I land her???

I'm gonna keep telling this story because it was monumental in my education about girls, so pay attention.

When I met Brooklyn (I joined that highschool for my junior year), I was blown away by her too. She seemed like a perfect match for me, but I felt like her looks placed her a little out of my league. But I think the true deciding factor was that I absolutely made up my mind that I was going to have her. Like you, I'd had prior crushes, but I never got with them, so I decided that I WILL have this one.

So basically I asked her out tons of times. She knew I liked her early on (I wasn't very good at hiding it) and I just kept asking. But it was different with her than other girls I'd liked before. Whenever I was told "no" I never let myself get moody or female dogy or whatever, and I just kept my confidence up (confidence is extremely important). This went on for months and it sort of became a "How about now?" kind of thing. Almost like a joke between us. Anyways, she finally said yes.

Now, on her part, I was a welcome change from the usual horny players she attracted. She told me later on that initially she wasn't interested in me, but my persistence charmed the hell out of her and she enjoyed the chasing game.

After that though, things got ugly. She turned out to be a drug user with a promiscuous (which I somehow didn't see until after we'd started dating. Blinded by "love" I guess). But I lost my virginity to her anyways and we broke up later on (well, she dumped me cuz I made her choose between partying and me, and she obviously chose partying). She told me she was pregnant a few weeks after she dumped me, and thus began the on/off drama that would go on for about 2 years. Although I went through some extreme highs and lows, this period was very educational for me. My combination of anger at her lifestyle choices and old feelings made the right cocktail of attitude when it came to handling her. Don't get me wrong though, she knew how to push my buttons too. We'd regularly date other people and then seduce eachother and cheat on our other dating interests.

Depending on whose turn it was, the one who did the seducing had almost total control over the one being seduced. I got to do some pretty wierd/mean stuff to her that I wanted to try whenever I was in charge. Luckily, she's not as kinky as me, so I didn't have to go through quite as much. She mostly wanted me to dress up and give her flowers and charm her into the bedroom. There's a fundamental difference between men and women right there. Women's fantasies are kind of boring while men's are disgusting. Not that these aren't without exception, but you know what I mean.

Anyways, other drama crap would happen that would eventually end our little liaisons (I've explained that story in a different thread). Luckily, I would soon learn a little about psychology and I discovered that I was doing it right, but totally by accident. It took a bit of practice, but I could soon call upon the right balance of control and charm at almost any time if I wanted. Maybe to help you better understand it, I want you to think really hard about what the words "Power" and "Force" mean, and try to see the differences and why power is what you need when it comes to girls. I don't mean physical power or money or what-have-you (although those don't hurt), its all about attitude. You just have to exude the presence of a dominant male. Watch The Sopranos or James Bond to see what I mean. In nature, women are attracted to alpha males, so get used to that.

But the point is: Once you exude this power, you have to give girls a taste of it, and then take it away. I can't really give you an instruction manual definition here, but you'll know it when you're doing it right. It just feels like WINNING. Once you become interesting, yet unattainable, your dating life should improve drastically. But then I have to warn you about the paradox. If you actually ARE in control of a "relationship", you won't have those feelings of "being in love". Those only come about when you aren't in control. But if you aren't in control, you run the greater risk of losing her for reasons you don't understand and being hurt by it. Don't you just love paradoxes?

Although I've yet to attain it, I think the right balance in a mature and sturdy relationship is patience and understanding whenever your lover is not in charm mode, and totally engaging with them when they are. I can't keep up the fun forever, and they do eventually see that I'm not always charming. For some reason, that turns them away, but I've usually dumped them before it gets to that point. Immature female doges. I hope that some part of my long post got through and I wish you the best of luck.

The sad thing is that I read that whole thing.

I find the best way to get a girlfriend is to have a friend invite her over to his/her house, even have a friend's sister invite her over and then go over to ur friends house for the night and just hang out around the house and the yard the whole time. I've obtained a g/f 3x this way. It's really something else.