Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2006-12-31 at 19:00:02
This is about my ex's husband. They've married for about six months now.
He walked in. Smudges and stains patterned his shirt. His facial features are also dirtied and unpleasant. And just as much of the unpleasant content were also all over: hat, pants, shoes, arms, hands, everything. I almost didn't recognize him.
"Hey, what's up?" I said.
"Just getting dinner. You?"
"Getting you dinner!"
We chatted a little while I dished the foods he pointed at into a three-compartment styrofoam box. Two of them. "How's she and the baby?" I asked.
"They're doing great." He replied then, smiled to himself.
I looked up. His eyes were weary and perhaps hasn't shaved recently. It's hard to tell with all those other smudges on his face. I thought to say, "You look tired," but I didn't. With the smile he had on his face, he wasn't tired. He was happy.
He paid me for the food and left. All that could be seen was a figure of him walking beyond a foggy glass door, and his smile that remained in my head.
I didn't treat her like he did, but I'm glad he is. I hope someday to smile like that, too.
-fm
He walked in. Smudges and stains patterned his shirt. His facial features are also dirtied and unpleasant. And just as much of the unpleasant content were also all over: hat, pants, shoes, arms, hands, everything. I almost didn't recognize him.
"Hey, what's up?" I said.
"Just getting dinner. You?"
"Getting you dinner!"
We chatted a little while I dished the foods he pointed at into a three-compartment styrofoam box. Two of them. "How's she and the baby?" I asked.
"They're doing great." He replied then, smiled to himself.
I looked up. His eyes were weary and perhaps hasn't shaved recently. It's hard to tell with all those other smudges on his face. I thought to say, "You look tired," but I didn't. With the smile he had on his face, he wasn't tired. He was happy.
He paid me for the food and left. All that could be seen was a figure of him walking beyond a foggy glass door, and his smile that remained in my head.
I didn't treat her like he did, but I'm glad he is. I hope someday to smile like that, too.
-fm
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2006-12-31 at 19:18:59
Not how I would react, personally. I've always said or done something mean to all of the boyfriends of my ex's that I've encountered. ;p
But about the story itself... I thought it was kinda odd for a short story. I think it would've made a better poem. Also, the one sentence where you said his eyes looked weary was kinda strangely put together. It sounds like you were saying his eyes hadn't shaved in a while. I also highly doubt you actually know how it feels to be in that situation. ;p
Eh, 5/10.
But about the story itself... I thought it was kinda odd for a short story. I think it would've made a better poem. Also, the one sentence where you said his eyes looked weary was kinda strangely put together. It sounds like you were saying his eyes hadn't shaved in a while. I also highly doubt you actually know how it feels to be in that situation. ;p
Eh, 5/10.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2007-01-01 at 13:26:28
yeah, i thought about it-- i dont exactly know what weary means, rofl. Was too lazy to go dictionary.com
But I was in that situation
He comes to my work every now and then, sometimes with her and the baby too, that's why I wrote this.
But I was in that situation
He comes to my work every now and then, sometimes with her and the baby too, that's why I wrote this.Report, edit, etc...Posted by Doodan on 2007-01-01 at 16:19:18
QUOTE(fm47 @ Jan 1 2007, 01:26 PM)
But I was in that situation He comes to my work every now and then, sometimes with her and the baby too, that's why I wrote this.
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He comes to my work every now and then, sometimes with her and the baby too, that's why I wrote this.[right][snapback]608397[/snapback][/right]
I stand corrected, then. I guess you're far more noble than I am. I tend to give in to my desires to say or do something hurtful in circumstances like those. ;p
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Shocko on 2007-01-01 at 22:57:46
I didn't really understand the story much, sorry 
.
.Report, edit, etc...Posted by fm47 on 2007-01-01 at 23:55:33
haha, after doodan's first reply, i have to admit, it wasn't very well written. Maybe I'll make a better version someday. And for shocko, the purpose was to see this guy, how tired and worn out he was, yet he was happy. Why? Because he has a love. And that love was someone I couldn't treat the way he is treating (meaning my ex), so from that I have respect for him and truly wish them both happiness.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by NerdyTerdy on 2007-01-04 at 22:09:59
It seems weird to me, definitely not something I'd read normally, it seems as if it's going somewhere, but it just ends.
Report, edit, etc...Posted by Shocko on 2007-01-04 at 23:47:23
QUOTE(fm47 @ Jan 1 2007, 08:55 PM)
haha, after doodan's first reply, i have to admit, it wasn't very well written. Maybe I'll make a better version someday. And for shocko, the purpose was to see this guy, how tired and worn out he was, yet he was happy. Why? Because he has a love. And that love was someone I couldn't treat the way he is treating (meaning my ex), so from that I have respect for him and truly wish them both happiness.
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[right][snapback]608723[/snapback][/right]
OOOOOOOOOOOH I get it now
